Marriage Quotes - Page 3

After our honeymoon I felt like a new man. She said she did too.

Anonymous

We've never been happier. Things are great. . . I just don't go into her part of the house.

My wife divorced me because of illness. She got sick of me.

Anonymous

A friend of mine hated her husband so much that when he died she had him cremated blended him with marijuana and smoked him. She said "That's the best he's made me feel in years."

We split up over religious differences - she worshiped money . . . and I didn't have any.

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first divorced me and the second won't.

Anonymous

For their last anniversary she gave him a set of luggage - packed.

Anonymous

God this request isn't for me it's for my mom. . . . Could you send her a son-in-law?

Somehow there was a lack of communication - She thought he said: "Till debt do us part."

A faithful husband is one whose alimony check is always on time.

Anonymous

The clearest explanation for the failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible that is one is male and the other female.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Michel de Montaigne

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason - there's a reason.

I do not spoil women. ... I don't send them flowers and gifts. . . . I'm saving those gestures until I am an unpleasant old man who must resort to bribery to win a woman's synthetic affections.

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it.

Maurice Chevalier

The great secret of a successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters.

Harold Nicolson

This is a perfect pair - he's a hypochondriac and she's a pill.

Anonymous

I haven't spoken to my wife in years-I didn't want to interrupt her.

Rodney Dangerfield

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours free Retin-A.

Advice to son: Never confuse "I love you" with "I want to marry you."

Cleveland Amory

Living with a saint is more grueling than being one.

God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman and God help him still more if he finds her.

My husband yells comments like "How long till you're ready? Throw out a date."

I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.

Keeping a secret from my wife is like trying to smuggle daylight past a rooster. Annoyed wife to husband: Can't you just say we've been married twenty-four years instead of "almost a quarter of a century"?

Anonymous

After paying for the wedding about all a father has left to give away is the bride.

She represents the country Alamonia.

David Letterman

A wedding invitation is sent by people who have been saying "Do we have to ask them?" to people whose first response is "How much do you think we have to spend on them?"

You may marry the man of your dreams ladies but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

My wife is the most wonderful woman in the world and that's not just my opinion - it's hers.

Anonymous

she: Before we got married you told me you were well-off. he: I was and I didn't know it.

Never get married in the morning because you never know who you'll meet that night.

When my wife was asked "Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . ." she answered "For richer."

Anonymous

So you want to become my son-in-law. "Not exactly. I just want to marry your daughter."

Anonymous

True love comes quietly without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells get your ears checked.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.

Anonymous

My wife and I just celebrated our twelfth anniversary. I'm Catholic so there's no real possibility of divorce. I'm Irish - so there is the possibility of murder.

My wife and I have many arguments but she only wins half of them. My mother-in-law wins the other half.

I can always tell what kind of a time I'm having at a party by the look on my wife's face.

We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.

I'd like to go to assertiveness training class. First I need to check with my wife.

A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it.

Anonymous

When I met Jean I felt God reach down out of the sky pull my hair and say "This one dummy."

Richard Atcheson

They were married for better or worse. He couldn't have done better and she couldn't have done worse.

Anonymous

It is assumed that the woman must wait motionless until she is wooed. That is how the spider waits for the fly.

George Bernard Shaw

The man who boasts he never made a mistake is often married to the woman who did.

Anonymous

You can easily tell he's a newlywed because he's still smiling at his mother-in-law.

You need that guy like a giraffe needs a strep throat.

I wanted to marry her when I saw the moonlight shining on the barrel of her father's shotgun.

I was the best man at the wedding. So why is she marrying him?

Father giving advice to son: Never do anything once around the house that you don't want to do for the rest of your life.

Marriage is like a violin. After the beautiful music is over the strings are still attached.

My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine too decent too old.

If love is the answer could you rephrase the question?

I don't know which was worse the cost of the bridesmaid dress or having to wear it.

Debbie Etchings

A bachelor is a man who has to know how to remove a coffee stain from a catsup stain from a silk tie.

I don't like being best man at a wedding 'cause there's no way to prove it.

Anonymous

A bachelor is a man who can take a nap on top of a bedspread.

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