Oh, look, the lights are so pretty,” I said dreamily, having just noticedthem.I smiled at the way the lights were dancing overhead, pink and yellow andblue. I felt some pressure on my arm and thought, I should look over and seewhat’s going on, but then the thought was gone, sliding away like Jell-O off ahot car hood.“Fang?”“Yeah. I’m here.”I struggled to focus on him. “I’m so glad you’re here.”“Yeah, I got that.”“I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I peered up at him, trying to seepast the too-bright lights.“You’d be fine,” he muttered.“No,” I said, suddenly struck by how unfine I would be. “I would be totallyunfine. Totally.” It seemed very urgent that he understand this.Again I felt some tugging on my arm, and I really wondered what that wasabout. Was Ella’s mom going to start this procedure any time soon?“It’s okay. Just relax.” He sounded stiff and nervous. “Just...relax. Don’ttry to talk.”“I don’t want my chip anymore,” I explained groggily, then frowned.“Actually, I never wanted that chip.”“Okay,” said Fang. “We’re taking it out.”“I just want you to hold my hand.”“I am holding your hand.”“Oh. I knew that.” I drifted off for a few minutes, barely aware ofanything, but feeling Fang’s hand still in mine.“Do you have a La-Z-Boy somewhere?” I roused myself to ask, every word aneffort.“Um, no,” said Ella’s voice, somewhere behind my head.“I think I would like a La-Z-Boy,” I mused, letting my eyes drift shutagain. “Fang, don’t go anywhere.”“I won’t. I’m here.”“Okay. I need you here. Don’t leave me.”“I won’t.”“Fang, Fang, Fang,” I murmured, overwhelmed with emotion. “I love you. Ilove you sooo much.” I tried to hold out my arms to show how much, but Icouldn’t move them.“Oh, jeez,” Fang said, sounding strangled.
To escape the throngs, we decided to see the new Neil Degrasse Tyson planetarium show, Dark Universe. It costs more than two movie tickets and is less than thirty minutes long, but still I want to go back and see it again, preferably as soon as possible. It was more visually stunning than any Hollywood special effect I’d ever seen, making our smallness as individuals both staggering and - strangely - rather comforting. Only five percent of the universe consists of ordinary matter, Neil tells us. That includes all matter - you, and me, and the body of Michael Brown, and Mork’s rainbow suspenders, and the letters I wrote all summer, and the air conditioner I put out on the curb on Christmas Day because I was tired of looking at it and being reminded of the person who had installed it, and my sad dying computer that sounds like a swarm of bees when it gets too hot, and the fields of Point Reyes, and this year’s blossoms which are dust now, and the drafts of my book, and Israeli tanks, and the untaxed cigarettes that Eric Garner sold, and my father’s ill-fitting leg brace that did not accomplish what he’d hoped for in terms of restoring mobility, and the Denver airport, and haunting sperm whales that sleep vertically, and the water they sleep in, and Mars and Jupiter and all of the stars we see and all of the ones we don’t. That’s all regular matter, just five percent. A quarter is “dark matter,” which is invisible and detectable only by gravitational pull, and a whopping 70 percent of the universe is made up of “dark energy,” described as a cosmic antigravity, as yet totally unknowable. It’s basically all mystery out there - all of it, with just this one sliver of knowable, livable, finite light and life. And did I mention the effects were really cool? After seeing something like that it’s hard to stay mad at anyone, even yourself.