Humour Quotes - Page 63

If the most High grant thee to live, thou shall see after the third trumpet that the sun shall suddenly shine again in the night, and the moon thrice in the day:

Blood shall drop out of wood, and the stone shall give his voice, and the people shall be troubled:

He shall rule, whom they look not for that dwell upon the earth, and the fowls shall take their flight away together:

The Sodomy sea shall cast out fish, and make a noise in the night, which many have not known: but they shall all hear the voice thereof.

There shall be confusion also in many places, and the fire shall be oft sent out again, and the wild beasts shall change their places, and menstruate women shall bring forth monsters:

Salt waters shall be found in the sweet, and all friends shall destroy one another; then shall wit hide itself, and understanding withdraw itself into his secret chamber-

One land also shall ask another, and say, ‘Is righteousness that makes a man righteous gone through thee?’ And it shall say, ‘No.

At the same time shall men hope, but nothing obtain: they shall labor, but their ways shall not prosper.

To shew thee such tokens I have leave; and if thou wilt pray again, and weep as now, and fast even days, thou shall hear yet greater things.

An extreme fearfulness moves through all your body, and your mind is troubled more.

After seven days of fasten so it was, that the thoughts of my heart were very grievous unto me- and my soul recovered the spirit of understanding.

Hear me, and I will instruct thee; hearken to the thing that I say, and I shall tell thee more.

Thou art sore troubled in mind for the people in the world’s sake: loves thou that people better than he that made them?

Number me the things that are not yet come- gather me together the dross that are scattered abroad- make me the flowers green again that are withered- Open me the places that are closed, and bring me forth the winds that in them are shut up- shew me the image of a voice: and then I will declare to thee the thing that thou labor to know.

O Lord that bear rule, who may know these things, but he that had not his dwelling with men?

As for you, you're unwise: how may you then speak of these things whereof thou ask you?

Like as thou canst do none of these things that I have spoken of, even so canst thou not find out my judgment, or in the end the love that I have promised unto my people.

Behold, O Lord, yet art thou nigh unto them that be reserved till the end: and what shall they do that have been before me, or we that be now, or they that shall come after us?

I will liken my judgment unto a ring: like as there is no slackness of the last, even so there is no swiftness of the first.

Could thou not make those that have been made, and be now, and that are for to come, at once; that thou might shew thy judgement the sooner?

They that be born in the strength of youth are of one fashion, and they that are born in the time of age, when the womb fail, are otherwise.

Seeing thou hast now given me the way, I will proceed to speak before thee: for our mother, of whom thou hast told me that she is young, draw now nigh unto age.

Like as a young child may not bring forth the things that belong to the aged, even so have I disposed the world which I created.

What betrayed me? Was it my heart? Or my Soul?

Stand up upon the right side, and I shall expound the similitude unto thee.

Consider with thyself; as the rain is more than the drops, and as the fire is greater than the smoke; but the drops and the smoke remain behind: so the quantity which is past did more exceed.

As for the tokens whereof thou ask me, I may tell thee of them in part: but as touching thy life, I am not sent to shew thee.

Iniquity shall be increased above that which now thou see, or that thou hast heard long ago.

The land, that thou see now to have root, shall thou see wasted suddenly.

Even so have I given the womb of the earth to those that be sown in it in their times.

Most sane human beings’ chances of being alive in a thousand years’ time are a hundred times higher than their chances of being sincerely happy for at least ten consecutive days.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

For a sane person to sincerely be happy that someone has succeeded, they have to either be profiting or likely to profit from that person’s success, or be that person.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

People who can change and change again are so much more reliable and happier than those who can’t

The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right.

Keep away from the kinship of the individuals who continually ask and examine the imperfections of others.

Genereux Philip

People throw stones at you and you convert them into milestones.

Sachin Tendulkar

Being rich or famous is the only profound thing that some people have ever said.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

If you want special illumination, look upon the human face:See clearly within laughter the Essence of Ultimate Truth.

Among other possibilities, money was invented to make it possible for a foolish man to control wise men; a weak man, strong men; a child, old men; an ignorant man, knowledgeable men; and for a dwarf to control giants.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

It is a fool of a shepherd who culls his dogs.

Jefferson Smith

Going down in history is a dead end pursuit

Benny Bellamacina

No plaque reminds the passer-by of these glories, although there should be one; for those who invent biscuits bring great pleasure to many.

Alexander McCall Smith

Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.

Stephen Hawking

The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.

Marjorie Pay Hinckley

It goes without saying that even those of us who are going to hell will get eternal life—if that territory really exists outside religious books and the minds of believers, that is. Having said that, given the choice, instead of being grilled until hell freezes over, the average sane human being would, needless to say, rather spend forever idling in an extremely fertile garden, next to a lamb or a chicken or a parrot, which they do not secretly want to eat, and a lion or a tiger or a crocodile, which does not secretly want to eat them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

To some believers, being on the pill or using a condom is a nonverbal way of telling God to go to hell.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Der Papst ist der einzige Konzern-Vize, der seinen Chef nie zu sehen bekommt. Nicht einmal bei der Weihnachtsfeier.

Oliver Hassencamp

If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead.

A sense of humour is the only divine quality of man

Arthur Schopenhauer

Umgangsformen sind Formen, die zunehmend umgangen werden.

Oliver Hassencamp

Wer lügt, hat die Wahrheit immerhin gedacht.

Oliver Hassencamp

Words were insufficient for the elevation of his [Mr Collins'] feelings; and he was obliged to walk about the room, while Elizabeth tried to unite civility and truth in a few short sentences.

Whoever thou art that, not content with a moderate condition, imaginest happiness in royal magnificence, and dreamest that command or riches can feed the appetite of novelty with perpetual gratifications, survey the Pyramids, and confess thy folly!

A good speech is like a miniskirt--long enough to over all the vital parts, short enough to entice and captivate listeners.

Unfortunately it's also true to say that good management is a bit like oxygen - it's invisible and you don't notice its presence until it's gone, and then you're sorry.

How initially 'to get her in the sack' and subsequently to avoid 'her giving you the sack' are not identical dilemmas faced by the male species, but they sure have a bizarre habit of being bedfellows

The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact.

G.K. Chesterton

Fat men take a cushion with them wherever they go.

George R.R. Martin

[novan]: bassists are very good with their fingers[novan]: and some of us sing backup vocals, so that means we're good with our mouths too...(~ IM chat with Novan Chang, 18, bassist)

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