Humour Quotes - Page 45

Yves. You are goint to love him all over again when you meet him, believe me. You're married.' 'I'm what? But I can't be more than eighteen!' 'My son is very persuasive,' said Saul proudly.

Joss Stirling

It was absolutely necessary to interrupt him now.

Jane Austen

I love you all, even those I don’t particularly like. That’s you, Beryl.

Derek Landy

Well I won't argue about the matter. You always want to argue about things.That is exactly what things were originally made for.

Oscar Wilde

I'd blow someone for a valium," I said in Jacob's ear."Maybe he's got one... but try offering a hand-job first so you retain some leverage.

Jordan Castillo Price

Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.

James Thurber

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process.

E B White

They desecrate Riora’s sacred temple! She will be enraged.”“Oh, gods, look at the marble. We are all beyond doomed.”“Somebody put a plant in front of it!

Kresley Cole

Because 'You're perfect just the way you are,' is what your guidance counselor says. And she's an alcoholic.

Libba Bray

Each time I see the Upside-Down ManStanding in the water,I look at him and start to laugh,Although I shouldn't oughtter.For maybe in another worldAnother timeAnother town,Maybe HE is right side upAnd I am upside down

Shel Silverstein

Seduction is merely encouraging a man to do something he already wants to do.

Lisa Kleypas

Can't you see that I'm only advising you to beg yourself not to be so dumb?

Petronius Arbiter

D'you think he would have thought ahead like that?" said Henry. "Assuredly," said Will. "The man's a strategist." He tapped his temple. "Like me.

Cassandra Clare

Look at all the things that can go wrong for men. There’s the nothing-happening-at-all problem, the too-much-happening-too-soon problem, the dismal-droop-after-a-promising-beginning problem; there’s the size-doesn’t-matter-except-in-my-case problem, the failing-to-deliver-the-goods problem…and what do women have to worry about? A handful of cellulite? Join the club. A spot of I-wonder-how-I-rank? Ditto.

Nick Hornby

Are you kidding? He's arrogant, sarcastic, likes to intimidate people, and—oh." Okay. Maybe she had a point.

Richelle Mead

These things sneak up on him for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency.

Margaret Atwood

There's nothing deeper than love. In fairy tales, the princesses kiss the frogs, and the frogs become princes. In real life,the princesses kiss princes, and the princes turn into frogs.

Paulo Coelho

Soul: As a cool guy, I'm used to seeing naked women.Blair: That explains the nosebleed

Atsushi Ohkubo

I, being born a woman and distressedBy all the needs and notions of my kind,Am urged by your propinquity to findYour person fair, and feel a certain zestTo bear your body's weight upon my breast;So subtly is the fume of life designed,To clarify the pulse and cloud the mind,And leave me once again undone, possessed.Think not for this, however, the poor treasonOf my stout blood against my staggering brain,I shall remember you with love, or seasonMy scorn with pity, - let me make it plain:I find this frenzy insufficient reasonFor conversation when we meet again.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

A man when he is making up to anybody can be cordial and gallant and full of little attentions and altogether charming. But when a man is really in love he can't help looking like a sheep.

Agatha Christie

You hit me again," I said, growing oddly annoyed."Ya think?" Evil Riggs said. Smart-ass."Part of my brain hurts. I demand to know what that part of my brain is called and what its job is.

Darynda Jones

Said Hamlet to Ophelia,I'll draw a sketch of thee.What kind of pencil shall I use?2B or not 2B?

Spike Milligan

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

W.C.Fields

I mean to say, really, I am near to developing a neurosis - is there anyone around who doesn't want to study or kill me?"Floote raised a tentative hand."Ah, yes, thank you, Floote.""There is also Mrs Tunstell, madam," he offered hopefully, is if Ivy were some kind of consolation prize."I notice you don't mention my fair-weather husband.""I suspect, at this moment, madam, he probably wants to kill you."Alexia couldn't help smiling. "Good point.

Gail Carriger

You dress her in a wet T-shirt and make her carry the bags? Damn, Cade, I like how you roll" - Rok

Kresley Cole

I told myself that it took forty-two facial muscles to frown and only four to stretch out my arm and bitch-slap the witch.

Kathy Lette

He had then warned his daughter not to violate the Eleventh Commandment."Which one is that?" I asked her."Do not bullshit thy father," she said.

Erich Segal

It comes in pints?

Peter Jackson

Everywhere's been where it is ever since it was first put there. It's called geography.

Terry Pratchett

Cheer up everyone," he said, a new brightness to his voice. "Since we’re all going to die horribly anyway, what’s there to be worried about?

Derek Landy

I know what kind of man it takes to get involved with something as barbarous as human trafficking.”“I get it, Swopes. He’s not the kind of man you take home to meet yourstepmom.” I rethought that. “Wait a minute. Maybe my stepmom would like to meet him. Do you think he ships to Istanbul?

Darynda Jones

First, I blow a hole in your face; then I go back inside, and sleep like a baby... I guarantee you.

Clint Eastwood

CUSTOMER: I don’t know why she wants it, but my wife asked for a copy of The Dinosaur Cookbook.BOOKSELLER: The Dinah Shore Cookbook?

Jen Campbell

I have a head for business and a body for sin. Unfortunately, the sin appears to be gluttony.

Jenny Colgan

Whatever, crazy chick who maybe lives here and maybe also breaks into Michael's house when they're all gone. I'm out. Have a nice delusion. -Shayne

Rachel Caine

Does it give you déjà voodoo how alike the houses are?""That's déjà vu, and I hate you right now

Rachel Caine

He took her hand in his and knelt before her. Valkyrie looked at him. He was serious. (...)'Dude, I'm sixteen.''I love you.''That doesn't make me any older. Stand up.''Not until you say yes.''You're going to shuffle around on your knees for the rest of your life? Stand up, for God's sake.''Be my wife.' 'Shut the hell up.

Derek Landy

Note for Americans and other aliens: Milton Keynes is a new city approximately halfway between London and Birmingham. It was built to be modern, efficient, healthy, and, all in all, a pleasant place to live. Many Britons find this amusing.

Neil Gaiman

The waiter approached.'Would you like to see the menu?' he said. 'Or would you like to meet the Dish of the Day?''Huh?' said Ford. 'Huh?' said Arthur.'Huh?' said Trillian.'That’s cool,' said Zaphod. 'We'll meet the meat.

Douglas Adams

.« Nik has obviously spoken to Nat about my candy preferences.Written in raspberry bullets is ‘I’m sorry’.Written in green apple jellybeans is ‘I miss you’.Written in cherry jellybeans is ‘I love you’.My heart skips a beat at the last line.Written in gummy bears is ‘Marry me’.Did Nik just propose using candy?Why, yes, brain. Yes, he did. »

Belle Aurora

Torture?” she asked with a laugh. “My first piece of information I’ll divulge to you? I wouldn’t recommend trying to torture me. I dislike it and grow sulky under pincers.It’s a fault.

Kresley Cole

Momentarily forgetting how wind works, Lex tried spitting at him. This failed

Gina Damico

Let me go!" She tore off a mirror and brandished it in his face. "I mean it! I don't want to go to your godforsaken hellbarn, you retarded psycho farmer!

Gina Damico

Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others.

Winston S. Churchill

Don't look back!" "Why not?" "Because I just did! Run faster!

Terry Pratchett

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

Oscar Levant

Is that it?”“No. That’s a wall.”“It could be disguised.”“You’re not very good at looking for things, are you?”“I’m good at looking for walls. Look, I found another one.

Derek Landy

This may be my only chance to see humans before these two are made into fertilizer for Moonwind's rosebushes.

Tamora Pierce

Have you slept yet?''Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.''Didn't you drive there?''Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.'- Charley & Cookie

Darynda Jones

(Kaylee) Tell me I'm pretty, Wash.(Wash) Were I unwed I would take you in a manly fashion.(kaylee) Because I'm pretty?(Wash) Because you're pretty.

Brett Matthews

The Brigands charged in with their weapons drawn."Who are you?" Young Bertie asked."We're the bad guys!" their leader announced."What are you going to do?""Plunder and pillage!" one of them yelled.The others immediately shoved him. "Not in front of the kid, Ralph! Fer cryin' out loud...""Oh, yeah. Sorry! We're here to take your candy!

Lisa Mantchev

I blame Doctor Who. Mr Spock. The Scooby Gang: both the ones in the Mystery Machine and the ones with the stakes. I've spent my life with stories of people who don't walk away, who go back for their friends, who make that last stand. I've been brainwashed by Samwise Gamgee.

Andrea K. Höst

We can do this the easy way,' Oblivious snarled. 'Or the hard way.''What's the easy way?''You leave immediately.''And what's the hard way?''We make you leave.'Skulduggery's head tilted. 'What was the easy way again?

Derek Landy

Leave any problem alone for long enough and it will solve itself.

Nell Dixon

He awoke at six, as usual. He needed no alarm clock. He was already comprehensively alarmed.

Martin Amis

This is the most I have ever been in the sewers in one place. If someone had said to me a month ago, 'Hey, Jackal, guess where you'll be spending most of your time in New Covington? Ankle-deep in shit!' I would've ripped their lips off.

Julie Kagawa

Have you killed anyone?” she asked quickly.“What? Did you miss what I said, about turning murder intoan art form?”“But you haven’t actually killed anyone yet, have you? I readyour file.”He glowered. “Technically, yeah, all right, maybe I haven’t

Derek Landy

Could you please put this--could you all put these--could you get dressed, please?"The woman only bestowed a serene smile on me. "We are as the Goddess requires.""The Goddess requires you to be naked on my lawn?

Kelley Armstrong

Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.

Terry Pratchett

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.

Robert A. Heinlein

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Humour Quotes - Page 45

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