Humorous Quotations Quotes - Page 2

I doubt you would recognize an adventure of any sort if it came right up and bit you on the a---Mother!I was going to say arm.

Victoria Alexander

How beautiful would history have been if it could be written beforehand and then acted out like drama!

Aihebholo-oria Okonoboh

EWI: Emailing While Intoxicated

Kent Alan Robinson

When I am alone, I drink my tea with pinkie raised, like a kid playing "tea party." At times, a fancy British accent is involved. Dahling!

So that's the telephone? They ring, and you run.

The Butcher of Babylon featured in over 500 porn films between 1974 and 1982, and was best known for his motto: Come for the butcher, stay for the meat.

Nothing spices up one's sex life like having a partner.

Praise can be your most valuable asset as long as you don't aim it at yourself.

99% of all problems can be solved by money -- and for the other 1% there's alcohol.

Quentin R. Bufogle

If you blame gravity for falling in love, even God has the right to laugh at you.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Men like to borrow kisses because they know they will have to pay them back.

Matshona Dhliwayo

A kiss is the only thing you can throw at someone without being held criminally responsible.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.

Matshona Dhliwayo

The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Be calm on your wedding day; she won’t kill you in front of a hundred people, no matter what you've done.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Love is a hook; the moment a man swallows it, a woman knows she has him forever.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Money can't buy love, except on Valentine’s Day.

Matshona Dhliwayo

The easiest way to remember your future wife’s birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday.

Matshona Dhliwayo

If men could be bought like clothes at an outlet, only then would women always get what they bargained for.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Falling in love with someone is intentional, even if it was their looks that tripped you.

Matshona Dhliwayo

There is nothing wrong with being a puppet if love is the one pulling the strings.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Love came, it saw, and it conquered me.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.

Matshona Dhliwayo

An inch to a man’s heart is a mile to his wallet.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Get high on love, not drugs.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Shelly looked around the jamb again as though whatever animal that had been terrorizing her had a weapon. “That doesn’t look like typical rat shit. You may be right. This needs to be handled right now. You’re a lesbian, get in there and do battle.” “What does being gay have to do with trapping a squirrel?” “Two women live together, who kills the vermin?” Shelly asked with a hand on her hip. “The pest control people, that’s who.” “Butch up and get your ass in there. I won’t tell anyone if you scream like a five-year-old girl.” “I’m a femme lesbian, which puts me in the same class as you.” Ryann pointed to her face. “Note the makeup. Besides, you were the one who always played in the dirt and rode horses.” “There weren’t any squirrels in that dirt with me! I’ll pick up a bug or a frog, I even handled a grass snake once, but I do not deal with rodents.” Ryann leaned against the doorjamb and stared into the room. “It’s most likely under the couch. Where’s Grant?” “After-school detention for piercing his and the noses of his friends with pushpins.” Ryann stared at her in horror. “What is wrong with your kids?

Robin Alexander

Only love will attract love.”~ Amunhotep El Bey

Amunhotep El Bey

In my book an erection constitutes personal growth.

Amunhotep El Bey

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.

Terry Pratchett

Sam's phone buzzed. She fished it out of her pocket, checked the screen, and cursed. "I have to go.""You just got here.""Valkyrie business. Possible code three-eight-one: heroic death in progress.""You're making that up.""I'm not.""So...what, somebody thinks they're about to die and they text you 'Going down! Need Valkyrie ASAP!' followed by a bunch of sad-face emojis?

Shelly looked around the jamb again as though whatever animal that had been terrorizing her had a weapon. “That doesn’t look like typical rat shit. You may be right. This needs to be handled right now. You’re a lesbian, get in there and do battle.” “What does being gay have to do with trapping a squirrel?” “Two women live together, who kills the vermin?” Shelly asked with a hand on her hip. “The pest control people, that’s who.” “Butch up and get your ass in there. I won’t tell anyone if you scream like a five-year-old girl.” “I’m a femme lesbian, which puts me in the same class as you.” Ryann pointed to her face. “Note the makeup. Besides, you were the one who always played in the dirt and rode horses.” “There weren’t any squirrels in that dirt with me! I’ll pick up a bug or a frog, I even handled a grass snake once, but I do not deal with rodents.” Ryann leaned against the doorjamb and stared into the room. “It’s most likely under the couch. Where’s Grant?” “After-school detention for piercing his and the noses of his friends with pushpins.” Ryann stared at her in horror. “What is wrong with your kids?

Robin Alexander

Only love will attract love.”~ Amunhotep El Bey

Amunhotep El Bey

In my book an erection constitutes personal growth.

Amunhotep El Bey

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.

Terry Pratchett

Sam's phone buzzed. She fished it out of her pocket, checked the screen, and cursed. "I have to go.""You just got here.""Valkyrie business. Possible code three-eight-one: heroic death in progress.""You're making that up.""I'm not.""So...what, somebody thinks they're about to die and they text you 'Going down! Need Valkyrie ASAP!' followed by a bunch of sad-face emojis?

Love is as we will it to be." ~ Amunhotep El Bey

Amunhotep El Bey

For the love of mercy, I cannot walk into mediation with a swollen vagina, Cash. Please.”I smile against her thigh, rubbing my scratchy face against the softness of her skin.“Is that what I’m doing?” Innocence—fuck no. I can’t even fake that shit.

Belief is a wonderful way to pass the time until the facts come in.

Enjoy every ounce of your life, get high and be sincere to anybody that comes around you.