Humor Quotes - Page 99

The majority of boys think the highest form of creativity is weeing a pattern into snow.

While she'd been drying her hair, she'd come up with a new message for her answering machine - "I'm out, deliberately avoiding your call" - and that simple burst of creativity had raised her spirits a bit.

Carrie Fisher

By the early-afternoon hours, if your brain is normal, it's running strictly on inertia and reflex. All you can do during those hours are the things that are exactly like other things you've done in similar situations. Creativity is out of the question. You might argue that you don't notice any difference in your thinking during the afternoon. That's because you're too dazed to notice anything during those hours. I'm sure it's true for me; I believe you could set my eyebrows on fire during the afternoon and I wouldn't notice until sometime the next morning.

Scott Adams

It was one dev, naked in a room with a carton of cigarettes, a thermos full of coffee and bourbon, and all his summoned angels.

MIchael Kirkbride

Respect is not creative ... Chanel is an institution, and you have to treat an institution like a whore — and then you get something out of her.

Karl Lagerfeld

Without an element of vulgarity, no man can be a work of art...I have to try and think what an artist is, apart from a hooligan who cannot live within his income of praise.

Quentin Crisp

Humor and paradox are often the only ways to respond to life's sorrow with grace.

Matthew Fox

Does it not occur to people that I might be artificial by nature?

Maurice Ravel

Jack," said Charles, "he's making up words again.""Yes," Jack replied, "but he's getting better at it, don't you think?

James A. Owen

You can’t keep bitch-slapping your creativity, or it’ll run away and find a new pimp.

George Meyer

What'd you think would happen when you died? That the prophecy would just be over and we'd all be like, oops, guess we got that one wrong?

H.M. Ward

I had a dream about you, and in the dream you were dreaming of me. We were meant for each other subconsciously.

Rodney Jenkins

Destiny was funny stuff, he knew. You couldn’t trust it. Often you couldn’t even see it. Just when you knew you had it cornered, it turned out to be something else—coincidence, maybe, or providence. You barred the door against it, and it was standing behind you. Then just when you thought you had it nailed down it walked away with the hammer.

Terry Pratchett

To see the dawn of a new beginning, You have to make a move in the Night.

Digvijay Jaiswal

Fate bring two people together and it is love's job to keep them there

Juvy Ann

No one is sent by accident to anyone.

Juvy Ann

Nobody knows anything...... Not one person in the entire motion picture field knows for a certainty what's going to work. Every time out it's a guess and, if you're lucky, an educated one.

William Goldman

Identify your Radar – it’s your brain functioning optimally; not a vague intuition or cosmic sixth sense.Train your Radar in key areas like: evaluating people, personal safety, healthy relationships, physical and mental well-being, money and credit cards, career choice, how to get organized.Meet the Radar Jammers. They have the power to turn down or turn off our clear thinking Radars. Some are well known: alcohol and drugs, peer pressure, infatuation, sleep deprivation. Others are surprising: showing off, fake complexity, anger, unthinking religions, the need for speed, dangerous personality disorders, and even fast food! Learn reasonable approaches and specific techniques to deal with them all.

C.B. Brooks

I'm seriously laughing

Guy Harduf

You gotta make it a priority to make your priorities a priority.

Richie Norton

Regret is good. It proves you have a conscience.

J.R. Young

I sometimes get hassled for using the term "fat" but I also use the term "crazy" to describe myself and I'm fine with that because I'm taking those words back. I'm also taking "sexy" back because, frankly, Justin Timberlake has had it too long and he doesn't even need it.

Jenny Lawson

If you've got it, flaunt it. And if you don't got it? Flaunt it. 'Cause what are we even doing here if we're not flaunting it?

Mindy Kaling

Addiction is the primary way people escape the modern world. Unfortunately, it is destroying the modern world.

Christyl Rivers

As someone who grew up in the Bronx, I certainly learned my share of four-letter words, but none are more powerful than nice.

Linda Kaplan Thaler

Once upon a time she had liked to dance. When she had been about the same age as the little brunette out there who kept lifting her dress up over her head. Now that was living. Just lift your dress if you wanted to get down and don't worry what anyone thought.

Erin McCarthy

I want my life to be about LIVING, not leaving --which is why I'm LEAVING nothing behind.

Shelley K. Wall

I don't know it is that I always feel that other people can create things but that I can't. I imagine it's simpler living in remote tribes or communities where one is obliged to have a go or else you have to do without. I suppose it is fear of failure in an age where political correctness is trying to erase the word 'failure' from the language. It's OK to fail isn't it, but only if you've tried? What is so bizarre is that when one does try, one rarely falls short. Obviously some people do things better than others but if it gives you pleasure, then so what? As my grandmother used to say, 'patience and perseverance made a bishop of his reverence!' So don't say you can't make candles or soap or that you can't spin or weave until you've tried it. As for mending, well, if you're not throwing everything away, then you have no option but to make do and mend. After all, the only way to get rid of shopping malls and supermarkets with their food miles is for people not to shop in those places and the way to cure this mercenary mercantile world is to make your own things.

Clarissa Dickson Wright

Life is too important to take seriously.

Corky Siegel

I don't know about you, but this whole life thing has been the cause of all my problems.

Bond Bixler

When I hear that people live by the book, I always wonder which one.

Aleksandra Ninkovic

There are two ways to learn life's lessons, the easy way and the hard way. I seem to prefer the hard way.

Patty Houser

Europe, the land of easy mathematics where he who works adds up and he who retires subtracts. The land where the economy gets to stagger all over the continent.

Núria Añó

It's only life. We all get through it.

Dean Koontz

Here's to another year and let's hope it's above ground.

Carol Shields

It stands to reason that anyone who learns to live well will die well. The skills are the same: being present in the moment, and humble, and brave, and keeping a sense of humor. (361)

Victoria Moran

Living is about clucking your tongue and enjoying the sound.~Slater

Ted Dekker

Happy endings are for people that can't survive the alternative. What a bunch of wimps.

S.L.J. Shortt

Remember to remember: sometimes your adversary is your biggest asset. Where would David be without Goliath? Jesus without Judas?

Brandi L. Bates

I'll never be the size that has single digits and my thighs will always touch when I walk but I'm ok with that.

Sugar Jamison

Shit happens. You can either stand their and complain about the smell or you can wipe your shoe and keep walking.

Tommy Cotton

Humanism is my Religion, Good is my adoption , Bad is my Elimination, Acceptance is my Decision, Love is My Gift , Relation is my Affection ,Truth is My Strength, Help Is My Credit , Knowledge is My Treasure

jagan kumar

It was supposed to say "Great Artist" on my tombstone, but if I died right now it would say "such a good teacher/daughter/friend" instead; and what I really want to shout, and want in big letters on that grave, too, is FUCK YOU ALL.

Claire Messud

…one lives and analyses data within a frame, unaware that the solution is most often just outside of that frame. Never underestimate the depth of your subjectivity.

Darrell Calkins

I'm not a size zero, I'll never be a size zero, and the number of fucks I give about that is zero.

Lauren Gallagher

Tough time don't lasts-Tough People DO

Kazi Mahmudul Islam

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger...unless it instead snaps your spine. Then it makes you a paraplegic.

Kelli Jae Baeli

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

Bill Cosby

In the first years of our lives we learn how to shit, talk, walk, sleep, eat and, most importantly, how to royally piss off our parents.

A.G. Phillips

...trying to use willpower to overcome the apathetic sort of sadness that accompanies depression is like a person with no arms trying to punch themselves until their hands grow back. A fundamental component of the plan is missing and it isn't going to work.

Allie Hyperbole and a Half

Color is powerful. It is almost physiologically impossible to be in a bad mood when you're wearing bright red pants.

Jessi Arrington

The more I know, the more I realize that I don't know much at all...

Hans Christian Hollenbeck

It's Unfair to be fair,For Life is unfair

Farley Maglaya

Since when did psychiatry become one big, fat Myspace survey?

Nenia Campbell

What I'd like to read is a scientific review, by a scientific psychologist--if any exists--of 'A Scientific Man and the Bible'. By what route do otherwise sane men come to believe such palpable nonsense? How is it possible for a human brain to be divided into two insulated halves, one functioning normally, naturally and even brilliantly, and the other capable only of such ghastly balderdash which issues from the minds of Baptist evangelists? Such balderdash takes various forms, but it is at its worst when it is religious. Why should this be so? What is there in religion that completely flabbergasts the wits of those who believe in it? I see no logical necessity for that flabbergasting. Religion, after all, is nothing but an hypothesis framed to account for what is evidentially unaccounted for. In other fields such hypotheses are common, and yet they do no apparent damage to those who incline to them. But in the religious field they quickly rush the believer to the intellectual Bad Lands. He not only becomes anaesthetic to objective fact; he becomes a violent enemy of objective fact. It annoys and irritates him. He sweeps it away as something somehow evil...

H.L. Mencken

There are essentially three types of people: those who love life more than they fear it, those who fear life more than they love it, and those who have no clue what I'm talking about.

Neel Burton

Id me didn't have to be concerned with long-term consequences. He was my instinctive, primitive self, driven by my most primal impulses. I wondered, briefly, if 'id' and 'idiot' came from the same root.

Jim Butcher

Looking back, retrospectively on the events of that evening, I can see the irony — the shrink whose cat ate his own tail. At the time of the incident, however, humor was not in my emotional repertoire; it was the furthest thing from my mind.

Jacqueline Simon Gunn

All depression has its roots in self-pity, and all self-pity is rooted in people taking themselves too seriously.

Tom Robbins

What would it be like to think what a gerbil thinks, from a gerbil's point of view? Kind of like Thomas Nigel's 1974 paper, 'What Is It Like to Be a Bat?' There's a subjective character of experience that's never captured in reductive accounts. Know what I mean?''Um . . . Sure.

Steven James

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Humor Quotes - Page 99

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