Humor Quotes - Page 91

What’s the worst that could happen?”“Don’t say that!” Bess and Corwin yelled at the same time.“You two are so superstitious.

Georgette St. Clair

Do Dragons eat Mexican?" Hank wondered out loud."Dude, they eat people. Mexican is a vast improvement over people.

Robyn Peterman

Get your fang boner under control. Your freaking out my person

Alanea Alder

You can't adopt people like kittens! Aiden growled. 'I wouldn't know; someone wouldn't let me get a kitten', Meryn retorted. 'Fine, you can have a kitten, no people''Too late

Alanea Alder

I've been wearing my super gown because someone won't let me go get maternity clothes because they are being a paranoid, drama bear

Alanea Alder

How do you poop? Where does it go? If you get more prestigious as you go down, aren't you shitting on the upper classes?

Alanea Alder

you don't have the luxury of whipping out your dicks and seeing who's bigger

Alanea Alder

This first time , my Sprite friend went for help, then Aiden went all shifter Hulk version and Loki'd the feral's ass. Whap, whap

Alanea Alder

Hi, name’s Ran.” The werewolf smiled, hand extended.Silence.Ran mimicked the knight’s deep voice, while pretending to shake an invisible hand. “Hi, I’m the Amyntor.”More silence.“Oh, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” the werewolf said in his own voice. “No, the pleasure’s all mine,” he said in Atlas’s voice.After yet more silence, Ran coughed into his fist before turning to look down the line at Aaron. “I see where you get your sense of humor from.

M.A. Wilder

Give it up to God,” they’d say, or “He won’t give you more than you can handle.” Fuck that. He preferred to just stay here and kill things.

Joel Crofoot

It’s not the dead people you got to worry about… It’s the living that are scary.

Terry Spear

Turning up Gower Street, she was headed to the First Presbyterian Church, not that she had suddenly decided to become born again or some shit. No, there was an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting that was about to let out, so she figured she would drop off a little gift by the exit. Nothing big, just the six pack. That was not why she had come, of course, but why pass up the opportunity to lead someone into temptation?

Joel Crofoot

Unless the she-wolf agrees, there’s always a chance of rejection.

Terry Spear

Zorro pulled her into his arms and crushed her against his body, kissing her soundly on the mouth.t“My, what a big sword you have, sir,” she said, sweeping her hand over his sheathed sword.t“I’m fully armed,” he said, “with that and more.

Terry Spear

Brett will need some clothes if someone can drop some by.”t“All we need is a bear rug,” Meghan said.

Terry Spear

All this for two bad lines he could’ve gotten out of a fortune cookie?

Zoe Forward

He pulled out a dagger from ... she wasn't sure where. Did he have that in his loin cloth? What else does he have in there? (Amy's thoughts, The Witching Pen)

Dianna Hardy

MEG (to Dante, the vampire):“Vampires aren’t as cool as I expected them to be. In romance novels, vampires are all dark and broody and sexy. In real life, you talk an awful lot about stocks.

Sophie Oak

TimeTrap raised her head and looked pointedly at St. John. “It was a dimensional portal, silly. Duh.

J.T. Bock

There’s a head inside the ball?” Surefire turned a shade paler along the edges of her face paint.“It is good,” Coatl responded. “Makes the ball lighter, bounce farther.”“You always want to get a head in the game,” Raven added.

J.T. Bock

My heart battered against my ribs, my breath stalled and I gazed up into his laughing, smiling eyes...eyes that suddently glowed crimson and cruel.

Terri Clark

And-he was ashamed to admit--he had been known to carry off the occasional roll of duct tape. That stuff could be used for everything.

Sharon Ashwood

I might be half Derek's size, but I was the one who sounded like a two-hundred-pound beast plowing through the woods.

Kelley Armstrong

I need a victim and no offense Yuki, but your carrot sticks are lacking in controversy.

E.J. Stevens

I'm hoping you end up happily married to the man of your dreams and have a hoard of beautiful kids that'll keep you on your toes by turning your neighbours into various types of pond-life." He then shot her his signature grin. "But if it happens to be me, then I wouldn't say no."(Karl to Elena in The Witching Pen)

Dianna Hardy

Thank you for that, boy genius! Where did you graduate from? Hogwarts School for the Mentally Unbalanced?

Leia Shaw

I can write about all of these bizarre and funny characters in my book, "Diggin' Elroy," because I know them better than anyone else. I have a little bit of all of them in me.

Walt Griffin

See. I told you I would get that boy to the alter eventually. All I had to do was pretend I was a loon.

Olivia Parker

Rule #3 - It's okay to believe yourself better than the rest of the planet, so long as you keep it to yourself.

Bisco Hatori

Communism will kill you quicker than a maraschino cherry ever will.

Stephan Eirik Clark

The king may rule the kingdom, but it's the queen who moves the board.

D.M. Timney

If everyone followed through on their resolutions, the conseqences for humanity would be dire: The fast food industry would collapse, the gyms would become unbearably crowded, and lifestyle magazines would have nothing left to say.

Amanda Foreman

I love animals, especially with barbeque sauce.

J. Richard Singleton

Was I the only one who became unsettled and swoonish at the sight of a large, inverted carcass hanging from a tree, its vital organs strewn about like children's toys, the occasional pack of hunting dogs fighting over a lung, another one looking for a quiet place to enjoy the severed head? It happened all the time and nobody else seemed bothered. People just walked up to the bloody carcasses and carried on entirely normal conversations, as though a man wasn't standing there squeezing deer feces out of a large intestine and small children weren't playing football with a liver.

Harrison Scott Key

What a paradox it is, the sane causes more problems than the insane! It is! The real problems of the world do not come from the insane but, the sane!

Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

A mind without a secret is with a question mark! A mind with so many secrets shall attract an exclamation one day!

Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

Each year comes with its own memories! Memories that make us ponder! Memories that shake our nerves and thought to think about things we did, things we could have done, things we should have done, the right time and timing for the yes and no we could have say with courage or humility, the right time and timing of our steps and things we should have never done! When you remember the year, you remember something! Something good or something bad!

Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

Never underestimate the power of cookies.

Marisa Baggett

Banks are the temples of America. This is a holy war. Our economy is our religion.

Giannina Braschi

You're tough when you need to be, and you can charm the pants off men who have three times your experience. Well, yes. Although I try not to take advantage of that too often. Very awkward negotiating with people who are sitting around in their underwear.

Julie James

Who was the moron on the phone?""Carl Avery," Kate said. "A long-standing client and potential felon.

Jennifer Crusie

Real estate is the best investment on earth, however, when the music stops playing, which happens occasionally, don't be the one left without a chair.

Steven Ivy Attorney Entrepreneur

A title from the1966 movie"The Russians Are Coming,The Russians Are Coming," gives a new meaning toa phrase: "wait a minute, we've seen this movie before

Steven Ivy Attorney Entrepreneur

The minute you stop caring about your business, is the same minute your business stops caring about you.

Steven Ivy Attorney Entrepreneur

Life is all about exploring yourself, discovering yourself and grooming yourself, then you will surely stop negative thinking.

Ehabib

She’s such a bitch,” Tina says, which I find a little contradictory, but overall quite true. “She’s got to be in charge of everything.”I sit next to her. “Well, I guess. But in business, that’s leadership.”Tina stares at me for a second. “I can’t believe you consider that a positive trait. How about her inability to accept other points of view? Is it good leadership to be narrow, too?”“Focus,” I say. “They call that focus.”Tina stares at me. “Her paranoia?”“Business savvy.”“Compulsive need to have everything just how she wants it?”“Organizational skills.”“Aggressiveness?”“Aggressiveness,” I say, “is already a good thing.”“Jesus Christ,” Tina says, her eyebrow ring glinting in the morning sun. “Sometimes I worry about this country.

Max Barry

The greatest irony is that people with Rolodexes are no longer LinkedIn. And if that pun doesn't make sense, don’t ask anyone in your Rolodex to explain it.

Ryan Lilly

Let’s form a committee tasked with exploring why committees are so ineffective. Then we’ll stand-back and watch it argue and self-destruct.

Ryan Lilly

If you KNOW that you’re FUCKED Then you’re NOT If you think that you’re NOT THEN YOU ARE!Isn’t that lovely? Iambic pentangle?

Martin Atkins

It has been my experience that, even when a man has a sense of humor, it only really carries him to the point where he will join in a laugh at the expense of the other fellow.

George Horace Lorimer

Make project plan as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Gerry Geek

Never underestimate the staying power of a bad idea.

RC Longworth

Going to work every day was like my hair was on fire and all I had to put it out was a hammer.

Bethany McLean

If it's glorious to fail in great attempts, then #gloriousfail should definitely be a thing.

Brandon David Hastings

Hookers, Hondas and Hollywood all approach customers with a different mindset than the rest of the business world. Whereas most businesses talk about the importance of "customer service," agents, mechanics and people of the night talk about "servicing customers."It is an important distinction, as customer service is generally a reactive process in which professionals and businesses respond to the needs of their clients, while servicing customers involves exploration to discover what the customer needs in order to start firing all the cylinders.

Ari Gold

Ty Inc.'s 1989 catalog had this on the back cover: "Warning: If anyone dare copy our creative designs and patents without written permission, ownership of your eternal soul passes to us and we have the right to negotiate the sale of said soul. Furthermore, our attorneys will see to it that life on Earth, as you know it, is not worth living.

Zac Bissonnette

Be a Flea, not a Bull or a Bear. Don't delay, retire anyway. Trading is NOT a four letter word. Buy carefully, sell aggressively. Don't mark duds while drinking. When your plan fails, change it. Don't be slow, don't be greedy. Don't be obtuse with a machine gun pointed at you. There's still time to build wealth and retire well.The Stock Market Flea: Lessons from the Front

James J. Houts

EWI: Emailing While Intoxicated

Kent Alan Robinson

I am yet to meet the idiot at whose door success arrived as a direct result of his refusal to invest in the enterprise that made him rich.

Jonathan Wutawunashe

Some PR is about getting information about a great product or thingy out to the people who would enjoy it, while other PR is about creating a web of lies that conceals the fact that your company harnesses the energy produced by rape and uses it to make a chemical that kills forests for fun. Either way, you're going to need it.

Eugene Mirman

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Humor Quotes - Page 91

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