Humor Quotes - Page 90

Women do not lie about their age. In fact, no woman ever has, its just that memory is the first thing to go.

When it comes to Jews, you have a two-thousand-year memory, but when it comes to us Palestinians, you have a sixty-year amnesia.

Suad Amiry

You never know what the vodka will bring,” I laughed.“Oh, like the time you caught my hair on fire at the candlelight party in Mel’s basement! That was the craziest thing that I ever had happen to me. If you hadn’t switched to water, I would have been bald!”-Cora, Nessa

Andrea Heltsley

Is this neuro-bot really supposed to be her, this creature, this thing, compiled of the ghosts of human data, the replicas of their past?

Bremer Acosta

My very photogenic mother died in a freak accident (picnic, lightning) when I was three, and, save for a pocket of warmth in the darkest past, nothing of her subsists within the hollows and dells of memory, over which, if you can still stand my style (I am writing under observation), the sun of my infancy had set: surely, you all know those redolent remnants of day suspended, with the midges, about some hedge in bloom or suddenly entered and traversed by the rambler, at the bottom of a hill, in the summer dusk; a furry warmth, golden midges.

Vladimir Nabokov

I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.

Stephen Colbert

The hippo of recollection stirred in the muddy waters of the mind.

Terry Pratchett

A series of howls and war cries echoed through the camp....The werewolves and Japanese had attacked."-pg.353 Forbidden Nights with a Vampire Kerrelyn Sparks

Kerrelyn Sparks

It wasn't necessarily that I wasn't a fan of fairies. Really. It wasn't that. It was that I wasn't a fan of being taken hostage by a group of fairies.

C.M. Stunich

He wanted more, as did I, but we still had a ways to go. I wasn’t a tease and my demands seemed pretty reasonable: always be honest and try not to eat me. ~ Sam, Living Violet

Jaime Reed

They don't fit you?" V asked his roommate."Not the point. No offense, but these are wicked Village People." Butch held his heavy arms out and turned in a circle, his bare chest catching the light. "I mean, come on.""They're for fighting, not fashion.""So are kilts, but you don't see me rocking the tartan.""And thank God for that. You're too bowlegged to pull that shit off."Butch assumed a bored expression. "You can bite

J.R. Ward

I decided that a movie marathon was clearly in order. I tried to narrow down the options. Anything romantic was definitely out, as was anything involving space travel, kings, or handsome princes. Preferably there should be no good-looking men whatsoever, lest they remind me of Aeron. Sadly, that eliminated practically everything.

M.A. George

Yeah, sure,” I scoffed. “You’re the picture of respectability and moral character…You expect me to believe you were your parents’ worst nightmare? What was your criminal act of choice—drunken bar fights? Or maybe grand theft auto? Don’t tell me you sold the crown jewels to buy drugs…It’s so disappointingly cliché.

M.A. George

It’s complicated. He’s not…' Human? 'He’s playing hard to get.

Nicki Elson

You’re just begging for a piece of me, you know that?” she growled. “I don’t know what gave you the idea I've lowered my standards, but I assure you, I haven’t. I want no part of you.

Gena Showalter

Me?...Stupid?” I fluttered my eyes innocently. “When have I ever done anything stupid?”“Don’t get me wrong, you’re the smartest person I know…” She fought back a smile. “But you have done some of the dumbest things I ever thought possible.”“So you have a point…” I shrugged. “Still not stopping me.

M.A. George

I’m not familiar with this word you were repeating before…‘cojones’, was it?”I blushed as Dominick patted me on the back. “Way to introduce him to the vernacular, Palta.

M.A. George

Aeron’s stone-faced expression cracked, as he turned to give me a dumbfounded look. Meeting his questioning eyes, I let out a little annoyed sigh, “I refuse to believe that you don’t know the meaning of ‘cojones’.”“I’m well aware of the meaning,” he raised his eyebrows, fighting back a smile. “Just a little surprised at your choice of words…”“Yeah, I can really paint a verbal picture,” I responded dryly.

M.A. George

You get a kick out of shocking the pants off me, don’t you?” I shook my head with a smirk.He just shrugged with a playful smile, his eyes momentarily flitting toward my pants before returning to meet my gaze.“It’s an expression,” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t tell me you aren’t familiar with it, Mr. Smarty Pants.”“You have quite a repertoire of ‘pants’ references, don’t you?

M.A. George

I can only imagine what goes on in that head of yours…” he teased. “I assure you I haven’t taken up black magic, ritualistic sacrifice, or—”“Plushophilia?” I tagged on.“Excuse me?…” came his half-confused, half-intrigued reaction.“An obsession with stuffed animals,” I clarified. “I mean, you are a young one…”“Where did you come up with that?” He kept his hands firmly covering my eyes, but I could hear the amused smile in his voice. “Is that even a real word?”“I’m a doctor, I know these things,” I shrugged.

M.A. George

I can finish that off and get you something better,” he offered.“You’d eat my leftovers?...” I felt like such a prima donna. “You’re a king.”“I’m a…hungry…king,” he shrugged, as he unassumingly glanced to the side. “I’m not picky.

M.A. George

Don’t be so concerned,” he whispered. “We will get through this, I promise.” “What makes you so certain?” I couldn’t help my skepticism.“We have no other choice,” he replied matter-of-factly. “Is that really all you can come up with?” I scowled. “Couldn’t you just lie and tell me you have some kind of secret badass weapon that is going to make this a piece of cake?

M.A. George

Seriously, Palta…” He was honestly puzzled, “I haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about. What about your ears is supposed to be so bizarre?”“Um…You’d have to be blind to miss them,” I replied sarcastically. “If you’re not, you will be when you poke your eye out on one of them.

M.A. George

I’d seen weirder things than a haunted shoe, but not many.

Richelle Mead

It’s a sad state of affairs when I’m the one bringing sanity to the equation

M.A. George

Suddenly, I saw ocean again—then another horizon line—but this time the deep blue sky was on the wrong side of the line…the Holy crap, we’re upside down side.

M.A. George

I wish I could say I’m low maintenance, but I like some of the finer things in life…like a toothbrush.

M.A. George

But you know as well as I do that anger won’t solve anything.”“I beg to differ,” he shrugged. “Anger can be quite rewarding…at least for those of us who have the option of blasting our enemies to oblivion.

M.A. George

My instincts told me that death would somehow be…different. But my rational mind reminded me that I had probably tempted fate one too many times. At least, I thought it was my rational mind. It sure seemed like the usual voice inside my head. Thank God there was only one of them.

M.A. George

See, that’s just it…You shouldn’t even know sayings like that,” I griped. “It takes normal people years to pick up on all those little phrases. Do you have any idea how stupid I feel, when I can’t even say ‘Hello, my name is Palta…Oh, and by the way—I’m the village idiot.’?

M.A. George

You can be intensely aggravating...” His expression struck me as closer to boredom than aggravation. “And somehow I suspect this isn’t the first time you’ve been told that.”“Nope,” I smiled mischievously. “Nor the last…

M.A. George

Ah yes…” He made an exaggerated nod. “I was supposed to be filling you in on Nangí’s story.” He winked at me playfully, as I kept up my glare. “Now, where should I begin?”“Tell you what, let me get you started,” I came back. “Once upon a time, there was this über-creepy old man—who looks like he lives in a haunted shack and eats small children for breakfast—and I decided to make him my new best friend becaaauuse… Okay, your turn.

M.A. George

You’re fucking kidding me, right?” “I don’t kid about fucking.

Stacey Marie Brown

Phrase the question any way you like…The answer will still be ‘Kiss my ass.

M.A. George

That was some branch. Did it have a vendetta against your t-shirt?”“Guess so.”“I hope you showed it who is boss.”“Yeah, I peed on it.

Stacey Marie Brown

It’s a little early in our relationship for us to be ‘surmounting,’ but, hey, I’m game if you are. I’ll even let you be on top.” He looked directly at me, a coy smile playing on his lips.

Stacey Marie Brown

Holy crap, you are like a dog with a bone,” I commented to Ryan.“Or just one with a boner.

Stacey Marie Brown

I paused for a moment, debating whether to turn and look what was happening. My senses told me Obo’s presence was still at my side, and turning my face into the barrel of a gun seemed like an ill-advised way to cap off this day of monumentally stupid decisions.

M.A. George

Gavin, Logan, Calix. Was there a sale on trendy names when they were born, or something?

Keri Lake

There is no reason to feel embarrassed, Krysta.""Easy for you to say! You weren't caught mentally checking out my package!"~ Étienne and Krysta

Dianne Duvall

Great. There goes our security deposit."~ Sean

Dianne Duvall

I glared at Christian as the blood smeared around. “You could have at least licked it.”He smirked darkly. “I hear that all too often.

Dannika Dark

Sweetie, I’m not a flowers and chocolates kind of gal,” she said, leaning into him. “Well, maybe the chocolate.”“I was going to say.”— Krysta and Étienne

Dianne Duvall

Me too, Arch,” Jeremiah said. “I want an answer about my request to transfer. Even now, my balls are shrinking in anticipation of going back out in the cold. I said I'd give my life protecting humanity, but my balls were never in the bargain.

Rose Wynters

I hadn't realized she could shrink... It makes sense now with the tricks Ari was able to perform with her.""She wasn't born that way. Her mother was a scientist working to reduce subatomic particles.""And whose mom isn't?" Raven joked. "Was Rick Moranis involved somehow?

J.T. Bock

Typical Xochi, leaving out important, death-related details.

J.T. Bock

You will show that thing to me and from now on, I will deal with them."I opened my eyes really wide and fluttered my eyelashes at him. "I'm sorry, I must've missed your coronation ceremony. Silly me.

Ilona Andrews

Fuck you!” “Right here?” He crossed his arms. “That definitely wouldn’t help your getting over me.

Stacey Marie Brown

There is new information.”“Are you going to share it?”“No.”Of course not. Because it would totally ruin his whole mysterious vibe. Can’t have that.

Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

I thought you were makin’ small talk about the weather.”“When have I ever made small talk with you?”“When we first met.”“No, I made small talk with Bessie, your shotgun, until you removed her double barrels from my kisser.”Violet and a typical conversation with Harvey

Ann Charles

Been there, done that. I’m sure I’ve got a T-shirt somewhere to prove it.

Thea Harrison

...he didn’t know when he was going to get the chance to play WoW again. And it was damn important to do his bit to save all life on Azeroth while he could.

Thea Harrison

More dangerous than being in a house full of vampires? I think I’ll take my chances, Mr. Fallinsworth.""I think we’re way past formalities here since my cock has been inside that hot, wet, delicious body of yours.

K.L. Kreig

Hello little one. Did you know you're on private property?""Really? I had no idea." Meryn fudged. He raised an eyebrow. "The ten foot fence right behind you didn't give it away?

Alanea Alder

Oh God, is this like Silence of the Lambs?" Tears flowed down her face. "I don't want to go down the hole! I won't put lotion on the skin! Look at me, you won't be able to wear my skin, I won't cover your huge ass!" She wailed.

Alanea Alder

You take all the fun out of life for me, Nik. You know that?" Aiden- Blood Hunger (Deathless Night Series #1)

L.E. Wilson

He’s hot. Too hot for me. Jeez, if he said the word sex to me I would probably pass-out.

LeeAnn Whitaker

Laurie picks up a briefcase and places it on the table. He opens the lid and his head disappears under the top. Oh god. Is he about to introduce me to a cat of nine tails, or some bizarre tickling stick? Brace yourself Liz. Cate told you to always carry your pepper spray, you fool.

LeeAnn Whitaker

She needs tampons. Evidently it helps with this process. We have to secure the location of where they are being sold, acquire them and then get them back to my mate posthaste.

Alanea Alder

Anyone who discounts you is a dumbass," I muttered as the golf cart jerked forward."And are you a dumbass?" the Pigeon inquired as she peeked under the tarp."Absolutely not...I'm a smartass.

Robyn Peterman

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Humor Quotes - Page 90

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