Humor Quotes - Page 76

I can tell by the look on Hagin's face that he had eaten some of my food. It is amazing those boys aren't fat.

Thin people, God bless them, God curse them, don't get it: If you're not thin, you need to be careful and conscious about when and how you suitors initially see you.

Damn,' someone behind me says. 'I was hoping we would get to scrape some Stiff pancake off the pavement later.

Do you think Bubbles wants Chinese food because it's made out of cats?" Genevieve questioned, shoveling a big bite into her mouth."Genevieve, that's just gross and wrong. Don't say things like that. Bubbles is a dog, and their stomachs are bottomless pits. They'll eat anything and everything in sight."Genevieve quickly swallowed. "Well, Bobby said in China they eat cats.""Gen, I assure you, we.are.not eating cats," I responded slowly trying to make sure another food wasn't crossed off her 'will eat' list. It was ever growing shorter."All lies!" Genevieve proclaimed, sticking her fork high in the air with a piece of chicken, only to have it fall, never touching the floor. "See? Cat!

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate.

Abignades or abegnadesA term used in te department of the Landes for the intestines of a goose cooked in its blood. Abegnades are found almost solely in the chalosse region, where they are eaten on bread fried in goose fat, with slices of lemon.

Escoffier

I had a dream about you last night. We were in your old Civic. Nine Inch Nails was turned up on the stereo and I was taking pictures of you behind the wheel with my disposable camera. We went through the drive through at El Pollo Loco, placed an order for a hundred bucks worth of food, and then just drove off at the window. I miss being stupid with you.

We are what no one wants to miss at the party. I act delighted, but I have zero interest in these Capitol people. They are only distractions from the food.

Suzanne Collins

He swallowed his food this time and actually spoke instead of humphing,

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

The whole point of straws, I had thought, was that you did not have to set down the slice of pizza to suck a dose of Coke while reading a paperback.

Nicholson Baker

I’d eat a picnic in Hades with him.

They got cream puffs at the bakery but I bet yours will be better,” he noted. “As Americans often put sweetened whipped cream or vanilla pudding between the choux pastry, and we’ll be making crème patisserie, this is indeed a fact.” “What’s crème patisserie?” Ethan asked. “Proof there is a God,” I answered.

I'm sorry. I can't serve him that item," the waitress said, only somewhat surprising her since she had a pretty good idea why."Why not?" she found herself asking anyway out of curiosity to see if she was right.*** "Because he's a Bradford," the woman explained with a shrug.

One time, I went to a restaurant and I asked the waiter for some food for thought. He left, came back, and tried shoving a sirloin in my ear.

Travis J. Dahnke

How bad do you want cancer? Bad enough to eat a rainbow of it? Personally, I think the red cancer would be the worst, but anything you swallow with artificial hues in it is going to pop a tumor out of your body the day after you eat it.

Oh, man," he mumbled with a full mouth. "At least the food is good.

Fries Before Guys

Great food also had the ability to attract great talent. "I don't know what to do," senior engineer Luiz Barroso moaned to Jeff Dean the night he had to decide whether to join VMWare or Google. "I've made these lists. I've assigned points to all the pros and cons, and it's tied at 112 to 112." Jeff knew that the day of Luiz's interview at Google, Charlie had served creme brulee for lunch. "Did you factor in the creme brulee?" he asked. "Because I know you really like creme brulee." "Oh no! I didn't consider that," Luiz admitted. The next morning he accepted Google's offer.

Douglas Edwards

With enough coffee anything is possible

Karen Salmansohn

There's a great Lebanese restaurant a few blocks over. They have the best shawarma in the world." "What's shawarma?" "You know what a gyro is?" "No." "Same thing.

I would lay down my life for this ice cream.''Wow. That's an endorsement. If I ever decide to mass produce, I'll have to put that on the carton.

Melissa Brayden

A six mile meteorite cannot compare with a culinary cataclysm of this magnitude.

Michelle Franklin

Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.

So I didn't have time to craft artful lies and evasions even if I'd wanted to.

Anthony Bourdain

It is woven with the most powerful paradoxes in the Nine Worlds - Wi-Fi with no lag, a politician's sincerity, a printer that prints, healthy deep fried food, and an interesting grammar lecture!''Okay, yeah,' I admitted. 'Those things don't exist.

I'm asked a lot what the best thing about cooking for a living is. And it's this: to be a part of a subculture. To be part of a historical continuum, a secret society with its own language and customs. To enjoy the instant gratification of making something good with one's hands--using all one's senses. It can be, at times, the purest and most unselfish way of giving pleasure (thought oral sex has to be a close second).

Anthony Bourdain

On this matter I'm inclined to agree with the French, who gaze upon any personal dietary prohibition as bad manners.

Charles Dickens

Jocelyn’s stomach lodged another complaint with the management regarding the length of time since breakfast.

The body of the last Flealouse contained the flesh of everything that had ever lived. It was content.

We're not cannibals,' he said as if to remind them. 'Cannibals boil people alive in cauldrons. I prefer to think of ourselves as evolved eaters. As a family, we're at the forefront of fine dining. Human flesh is an acquired taste, and I've worked hard to give you all the chance to appreciate it for yourselves.

When you don't fit in anymore, eat less.

Benny Bellamacina

Couldn't he have come out and greeted her like a civil human being instead of lurking from his kitchen while she shared a clearly intimate moment with his brisket?

Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!

I love Pizza thicker, when the crust is thinner!

Jasleen Kaur Gumber

If it's dive-bombing you from the air, bury yourself in the sand. It might lose sight of you. Also, no one likes to eat food covered in sand. No one.

I really like to cook. I used to do it lots for Mom, who's almost as useless as you, and it means I can practice describing all the different dishes. That always makes narratives seem less repetitive - and you can use them as metaphors, too.

Stephfordy Mayo

I prefer noodles when they're raw, they taste just as good, but reward you with a satisfying crunch...

Callum Horncastle

He got a tan over break. I used to tell him he was so pale he looked like a marshmallow. He hated that I compared him to food. I told him that's what he got for calling me caramel. It shut him up.

I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey.

Charles Bukowski

What, everyone you know has been kidnapped by pirates and forced to chop octopus in a kitchen that smells like a whale's stomach?""Quite a lot of them, yes," said Trudi, who appeared to be one of those people who'd heard of sarcasm but thought it was some sort of exotic fruit like a pineapple.

I thought we were going to take a 20-mule team out to the Grand Canyon and get a Bunsen burner and a bow and arrow, and whatever you can catch you cook. And it’s gotta be gourmet and it better look good.

The Creators of Top Chef

Chocolate cured just about everything, but being a crocodile's chew-toy was on a whole other level.

Desiree Williams

always serve too much hot fudge sause on the hot fudge sundaes.It makes people overjoyed,and puts them in your debt

Daddy, how come in Kansas City the bagels taste like just round bread?

For a moment, or a second, the pinched expressions of the cynical, world-weary, throat-cutting, miserable bastards we've all had to become disappears, when we're confronted with something as simple as a plate of food.

Anthony Bourdain

Pride is all very well, but a sausage is a sausage.

Terry Pratchett

It has long been my motto that if you cannot get your act together... then the very least you can do is try to make your act entertaining.

Stephanie, I'm begging you. Eat some doughnuts. I can't keep going like this." - Morelli

Janet Evanovich

It appears your son was 85 percent curry!

Don't eat till you're full, eat till you're tired.

I've never seen Salisbury steak on a restaurant menu. It's only in frozen dinners. Is there something we should know about that? What IS Salisbury steak anyway? And where do they hunt or harvest the salisburies?

Kelli Jae Baeli

Don't do it. Please. I know this book looks delicious with its light-weight pages sliced thin a prosciutto and swiss stacked in a way that would make Dagwood salivate. The scent of freshly baked words wafting up with every turn of the page. Mmmm page. But don't do it. Not yet. Don't eat this book.

Morgan Spurlock

If we are going to start calling industrial corn sustainable, then we might as well say that petroleum is a renewable resource if you're willing to wait long enough.

Catherine Friend

I would advocate that chocolate be covered by health insurance, but that is admittedly a very French public policy perspective.

Mireille Guiliano

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay

Marcia Carrington

I act delighted, but I have zero interest in these Capitol people. They are only distractions from the food.

Suzanne Collins

I don't care what you Yanks say, cheese should not whiz.

Janette Rallison

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something.

I hate the notion of a secret recipe. Recipes are by nature derivative and meant to be shared - that is how they improve, are changed, how new ideas are formed. To stop a recipe in it's tracks, to label it "secret" just seems mean.

Molly Wizenberg

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