Humor Quotes - Page 66

We watched Vamps hunting Vamps, Vamp hunters and Witches torching Vamps, teenage girls kissing Vamps. And we giggled and swooned through it all.

Shelly Crane

And vampires never sparkle unless they just ate a stripper.

James R. Tuck

The Lone Ranger of vampires. Did that make me Tonto?

Robin McKinley

I'm just being practial. I knew someday I might have to bare my throat to you. Pete and I discussed that very possibility. As for the danger and risk taking, that's what Pete pays me to do. And you and I both know he inteneds to get his money's worth."Jasmine, I cannot-"Why not!"Because you are not food!"I stared at him for a minute; the I started to grin. I couldn't help it.Vayl"-I tried to keep my face straight- "I'm not asking you to eat me.

Jennifer Rardin

Abraham," he said. "I'm pleased to see you alive, old friend.""And I to see you dead.

Seth Grahame-Smith

So we get a plan," I said. "Any suggestions?""Blow up the building," Kincaid said without looking up. "That works good for vampires. Then soak what's left in gasoline. Set it on fire. Then blow it all up again.""For future reference, I was sort of hoping for a suggestion that didn't sound like it came from that Bolshevik Muppet with all the dynamite.

Jim Butcher

With great hotness comes great responsibility.

Alyxandra Harvey

Even bipolar vampires needed sleep from time to time, and he was well past his recommended safe dosage of stress.

Rachel Caine

That's very rude," Myrnin said. "I haven't brought my fangs our for some time. Not in mixed company, anyway.

Rachel Caine

IF you wish to be a writer then don't wait until you write the "great American novel" for they aren't written they are created. If you don't write at all you won't know how "great" that simple book can be.

Shiree McCarver

Vampires do breathe, by the way, but their chests don't move like humans'. Have you ever lain in the arms of your sweetheart and tried to match your breathing to his, or hers? You do it automatically. Your brain only gets involved if your body is having trouble. Fortunately there was nothing about this situation that was like being in the arms of a sweetheart except that I was leaning against someone's naked chest. I could no more have breathed with him than I could have ignited gasoline and shot exhaust out my butt because I was sitting in the passenger seat of a car.

Robin McKinley

Alice! You know I love you like a sister!""Words." she growled.

Stephenie Meyer

This college would probably have the same problem as the last one did."I frowned, "What's that?""Homework.

Richelle Mead

Darius held Stark back from launching himself at Neferet, and Duantia spoke quickly into the rising tension. 'Neferet, I think we can all agree that there are many unanswered questions about the tragedy that occured on our island today. Stark, we also understand the passion and rage you feel at the loss of your Priestess. it is a hard blow for a Warrior to-'Duantia's wisdom was cut off by the sound of Aretha Franklin belting out the chorus from "Respect," which was coming from the little Coach purse Aphrodite had slung over her shoulder.Oopsie, um, sorry 'bout that.' Aphrodite frantically unzipped her purse and dug for her iPhone.

P.C. Cast

Maybe a holiday miracle will change Mearth’s awful behavior,” Mandy suggested with optimism.“The only holiday miracle around here is that Mearth hasn’t murdered us both yet,” said Alecto, lighting another cigarette, his hands shaking erratically. He looked exhausted and terrified, his gray eyes soulless.“Do you know what Mearth likes, Alecto?” Mandy questioned.“Vegetables, she likes celery a lot, and lettuce,” Alecto responded in a quiet monotone. “I don’t know what else she likes. I’ve never asked her.”“Well, she has to like something… doesn’t everyone?”“Not her, Mandy Valems.

Rebecca McNutt

I never had any doubts about my abilities. I knew I could write. I just had to figure out how to eat while doing

Cormac McCarthy

Our flesh is a gift of laughter.

Harley King

Hermes's eyes twinkled. "Martha, may I have the first package, please?"Martha opened her mouth ... and kept opening it until it was as wide as my arm. She belched out a stainless steel canister-an old-fashioned lunch box thermos with a black plastic top. The sides of the thermos were enameled with red and yellow Ancient Greek scenes-a hero killing a lion; a hero lifting up Cerberus, the three-headed dog."That's Hercules," I said. "But how-""Never question a gift," Hermes chided. "This is a collector's item from Hercules Busts Heads. The first season.""Hercules Busts Heads?""Great show." Hermes sighed. "Back before Hephaestus-TV was all reality programming. Of course, the thermos would be worth much more if I had the whole lunch box-

Rick Riordan

Presenting a rational argument to a person who has forsaken the use of reason is like asking a vegetarian to eat a cheeseburger.

Michelle Templet

I assure you, my good Lestrade, that I have an excellent reason for everything that I do.

Arthur Conan Doyle

Je me rends parfaitement compte du desagreable effet que produit sur la majorite de l'humanité, tout ce qui se rapporte, même au plus faible dègré, á des calculs ou raisonnements mathematiques.I am well aware of the disagreeable effect produced on the majority of humanity, by whatever relates, even at the slightest degree to calculations or mathematical reasonings.

Hiram Stevens Maxim

To think or not to think? That is the new question.

Nadina Boun

One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.

Oscar Wilde

My favorite quote in the world is this one.

Richelle E. Goodrich

Laughter isn't a sign of insanity but a shield against it.

Richelle E. Goodrich

Learn to look up now and then, just in case a piano is falling from overhead.

Richelle E. Goodrich

In the middle of a grocery store, two children were horsing around (one holding the other in a headlock) when the mother turned abruptly to give them a stern repr

Richelle E. Goodrich

The elixir of life is a bubbling stream of laughter.

Richelle E. Goodrich

Why hasn't someone lassoed a few teenagers and had them sit down and write out all the supposed answers they have so we can solve the world's problems already?

Richelle E. Goodrich

Jean-Baptiste Say may have coined the term 'entrepreneur' but he totally missed the opportunity to put it on a t-shirt and sell it.

Ryan Lilly

Opportunities are like night owls. They like to streak naked and howl at the moon. A lot of success in life comes down to luck. So put yourself in a position to get lucky. Because you know what happens if you don't go out? Nothing.

Ari Gold

Piper went a little crazy. She cried out with relief and dove straight into the water.What was she thinking? She didn't take a rope or a life vest or anything. But at the moment, she was just so happy that she paddled over to Leo and kissed him on the cheek, which kind of surprised him."Miss me?" Leo laughed.Piper was suddenly furious. "Where were you? How are you guys alive?" "Long story," he said. A picnic basket bobbed to the surface next to him. "Want a brownie?

Rick Riordan

Which is your bad shoulder?"His brows knit together. "The left," he said carefully.She slugged him in the right.He staggered. Steadied himself. Grinned. "Is that like some weird Wyoming mating ritual thing I should know about?""Damn you," she cried, flying into his arms. Finally. "Damn you, damn you, damn you!"He wrapped his arms around her, held her tight. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was such a coward.

Cindy Gerard

No, I can't die because there are too many jackasses falling over themselves to take my place! I may live forever just to spite them!

Jamie McGuire

It’s not great when your husband thinks the only guy who can talk to you, is some other guy.

Jonas Eriksson

The thing with love is, you cannot choose who you fall for. Falling in love often happens at the wrong time, in the wrong place, with the wrong person. Just as much as you cannot stop growing feelings for a certain man, there's no switch to turn off your heart.

J.C. Reed

Neil Mars?! I could blame him for having killer looks but he could not be faulted for this. He couldn’t have chosen that name for himself. No wonder he tortures his Mom by calling her by her name.

Rucy Ban

I’d once had a long-term relationship with a Five Point Five that got nowhere near living together. This was because I was a Two Point Five, he was a Five Point Five and he wanted a Nine Point Five. Therefore, we were both destined for a broken heart. He gave me mine. He later found a Six Point Five that wanted a Nine Point Five. She got herself a breast enhancement and nose job which made her a firm Seven (if you didn’t count the fact that she thought she was a Ten point Five and acted like it which really knocked her down to a Six) who broke his heart.

Kristen Ashley

When she heard about Mitch, it was Roberta that talked me into making the pizza.“You have to!” she’d nearly shrieked. She did this because I’d waxed on perhaps a little too enthusiastically about Mitch’s looks, his warm smile and his neighborly behavior.I shook my head. “I don’t know. He freaks me out.”“Yeah, I get that. Johnny Depp came in and fixed my faucet then told me he wanted to try my pizza that would freak me out too. But I’d still make him my freaking pizza.

Kristen Ashley

And no chick fucking either, unless we both agree to it, of course." Turner pauses and scowls. "Though I can't imagine sharing you with anyone. Makes me fucking sick to my stomach.

C.M. Stunich

I had this vision of the two of us holding hands or getting into some light petting behind shower curtains or up in the fencing aisle or some shit.

Susan Juby

It was almost romantic, in a mad-inventor sort of way.

Kady Cross

Love Is Like A Plant.We Give It Attention,It Grows. We Ignore It,It Dies

Chris J.Farah

Knives and candlelight,” he said, “how romantic.

Nenia Campbell

I was so comfortable. I was warm and cozy, in that blissful, dreamy place between asleep and awake...Until my comfy pillow moved.And the blanket keeping me warm moved.I grumbled at them sleepily, and then my pillow and blanket chuckled.I looked up, trying to make sense of my thoughts, and I saw him.Cameron.My pillow and blanket was Cameron; a half asleep, chuckling Cameron. I groaned and let my head fall back on his chest, his arms tightened around me. "I wondered why my pillow moved."He chuckled again, and I could hear the sound resonate in my ear.

N.R. Walker

He is a sweet boy, quick to laugh, easy to love.

George R.R. Martin

Guys are like dogs. You wish you could take them all home when they're young. But after they've howled all night and slobbered all over everything, you come to realize the ones already trained are much easier to live with.

Paula Wall

You know, every bad guy was once good until he crossed a line. I don’t think they come out of the womb being assholes.

Laurann Dohner

I'm Kieran. You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room,

Jayde Scott

Baby, I could watch you watching paint dry, and I still wouldn’t be bored.” Garrett Graham, my own personal sweet-talker.

Elle Kennedy

That's good. And speaking of spelling, tell me -- do you wrap your head in a towel after you shower?

Nicholas Sparks

Yes...and I'm worried that if you get into the habit of making out with your instructors, you'll wind up making out with him too.""Don't be sexist. They could find me a female instructor.""In that case, you have my permission to make out with her as long as I can watch.

Cassandra Clare

Violet: "You're an asshole." Onyx: "Thank you, it's something that took an eternity to perfect.

Jessica Shirvington

Bitterblue had never seen a man naked, and she was curious. She decided the universe owed her a few minutes, just a few, to satisfy her curiosity. So she went to him and knelt, which shut him up.

Kristin Cashore

His question is pretty dangerous for me to try to answer, so I don’t—it continues to hang out there like the stained underwear at a slumber party that goes unclaimed.

Jen Naumann

Eugene's got a fake ID, and he actually gets away with using it because he looks like he's thirty-six, thanks to his devotion to tasseled shoes and his ridiculous carpet of chest hair.

Flynn Meaney

I've never been in love, but if a penguin can find a soul mate, I'm sure I can, too.

Rebekah Crane

Shhh, it's okay Cait, Daddy will be back. I am going to take care of you, just like Uncle Drake takes care of Mommy. Shhh honey, you don't need to cry,"Jaks whispered.

Brei Betzold

He didn't know Rachel very well, but assumed her behavior would be similar to most women he encountered. As soon as he stepped foot inside she would attack, not allowing him to get in a word. At least that was what he imagined.

Wendy Owens

He knew she loved him in that moment. Gabe never wanted to be part of the holy fight, but now he was, he was not about to lose.

Wendy Owens

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Humor Quotes - Page 66

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