Humor Quotes - Page 49

Is this the girl?” Kieran’s voice was very different: It sounded like waves sliding up the shore. Like warm water under pale light. It was seductive, with an edge of cold. He looked at Emma as if she were a new kind of flower, one he wasn’t sure he liked. “She’s pretty,” he said. “I didn’t think she’d be pretty. You didn’t mention it.”Iarlath shrugged. “You’ve always been partial to blondes,” he said.“Okay, seriously?” Emma snapped her fingers. “I am right here. And I was not aware I was being invited to a game of ‘Who’s the Hottest?'"I wasn’t aware you were invited at all,” said Kieran. His speech had a casual edge, as if he was used to talking to humans.“Rude,” said Emma.

Cassandra Clare

Your wit is always such a delight, Mr. Zeklos. I can barely contain myself around it.

Richelle Mead

I don't understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since.

Jerome K. Jerome

The earl shook his head, exhibiting a degree of frosty offense that could only be achieved by an aristocrat whose wishes had just been gainsaid. “I’ve never heard of a man being so eager to confess to the parent of a girl he’s just ruined,” he said sourly.

Lisa Kleypas

Maybe,” he said in a slow, rural drawl, “you could explain to me why I found you in the middle of an orgy.” “Well,” I said, “if you’re going to be in an orgy, the middle is the best spot, isn’t it.

Jim Butcher

Thinking I'm a moron gives people something to feel smug about," Charles Wallace said. "Why should I disillusion them?

Madeleine L'Engle

One day I'll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you'll be in trouble.

Terry Pratchett

Clever is when one is crafty enough to mistake your imagination for intelligence. Smart is when one assumes they are too educated to notice the difference.

Kerry E. Wagner

We were in such good moods, we even decided to hit Todd's house for candy. Sam rang the doorbell, and when it opened, this hideous, rubber monster face roared at us. Sam screamed. Todd started laughing and took off the mask. I yelled, "Put it back on! Put it back on! Your hideousness is terrifying!"Todd did a fake yuk-yuk-yuk at my joke. "What are you guys supposed to be? Is it Prom Night Massacre or something?"Sam sighed at Todd's obvious stupidity. "We're zombie princesses, Todd. Can't you tell?" She stuck her arms straight out in front of her and said, "BRAINS! BRAINS!"I patted Sam on the head and said, "Sorry, Sam. You're wasting your time with this one.

Kristin Walker

I wanted to wake you straightaway, but I knew I had to wait several hours to ensure you were safely recovered.""What! How long has it been?""Five minutes. I got bored.

Jonathan Stroud

YES. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I ROLL. LIKE A SUAVE THING. In fact, from here on, please forward my mail to 1 Suave Hill, Suave Boulevard, Suavieland, Planet of She's-So-Smooth-I-Can't-Believe-She's-Not-Butter.

Michele Jaffe

40Wednesday has been canceled due to a scheduling error.

Ceciil Baldwin

Then she called Gansey.It rang twice, three times, and then: "Hello?"He sounded boyish and ordinary. Blue asked, "Did I wake you up?"She heard Gansey fumble for and scrape up his wireframes."No," he lied, "I was awake.""I called you by accident anyway. I meant to call Congress, but your number was one off.""Oh?""Yeah, because yours has 6-6-5 in it." She paused. "Get it?""Oh, you.""6-6-5. One number different. Get it?""Yeah, I got it.

Maggie Stiefvater

That night was a dark day. Of course, all nights are dark days, because night is simply a badly lit version of day, ...

Lemony Snicket

How long y' think it'll take t'git that wild streak out im?""Well, Brother Tiggins, that'll depend on how long he can weather the leather.

Mars Hill

Dear Mrs. Black: On seven prior occasions this company has denied your claim in writing. We now deny it for the eighth and final time. You must be stupid, stupid stupid, stupid!

John Grisham

He looked at her defiantly, and she thought: and so one at a time we all become human—human werewolves, human dwarfs, human trolls …the melting pot melts in one direction only, and so we make progress.

Terry Pratchett

Two-thirds of all preachers, doctors and lawyers are hanging on to the coat tails of progress, shouting, whoa! while a good many of the rest are busy strewing banana peels along the line of march.

Elbert Hubbard

It's not like the Middle Ages, when you had the Church and the aristocracy keeping everything nice and stagnant.

Kevin Hearne

What would have been the fate of sages if there were no fools?

Ogwo David Emenike

All love is socioeconomic. It’s the gradients in status that make arousal possible.

Gary Shteyngart

it was Greenspan who through some excessive deregulation prepared the monetary ground for the rise of the subprime mortgage companies: a lending market that specialises in high-risk mortgages and loans.'Innovation', said Greenspan in April 2005, 'has brought about a multitude of new products, such as subprime loans and niche credit programs for immigrants'.It is almost touching to find out that Greenspan cares so much about immigrants.

Gilad Atzmon

There is an old saying, or should be, that it is a wise economist who recognizes the scope of his own generalizations.

John Kenneth Galbraith

Relative poverty is when you have more taste than money.

Neel Burton

Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

Sam Ewing

If you hear a "prominent" economist using the word 'equilibrium,' or 'normal distribution,' do not argue with him; just ignore him, or try to put a rat down his shirt.

Nassim Nicholas Taleb

As a reformed procrastinator, I'm now getting things done in the first 10 seconds of the last minute.

Stewart Lee Beck

A project goal like a joke. If you have to explain it, it is not good / fun.

Gerry Geek

If you want to get a meaningful result: create something very complex, and then simplify it.

Gerry Geek

She believed being so free with her sexuality was empowering, but I wouldn't say taking home a douchebag who would laugh about the encounter with his friend later is a step forward in the feminist movement."-Lily

Teresa Lo

...There's an -or- in -whore- because you always have a choice to respect your body and say no.

Libba Bray

I remember the very day, sometime during the first two weeks of my five-year amorous sojourn in Brutland, when I was made privy to one of the most arcane of their utterings. The time was ripe for that major epiphany, my initiation into the sacred knowledge—or should I say gnosis?—of that all-important, quintessentially Brutish slang term, the word that endless hours of scholastic education by renowned mentors, plus years of scrupulous scrutiny into scrofulous texts, had disappointingly failed to impart to me, leaving me with that deep sense of emptiness begotten by hemimathy; the time was finally ripe for me to be transported by the velvety feel of the unvoiced palato-alveolar fricative, the élan of the unpronounceable and masochistically hedonistic front open-rounded vowel, and, last but not least, the (admittedly short) ejaculatory quality of the voiced velar stop: all three of them combined together to form that miraculous lexical item, the word shag.

Spiros Doikas

Veeva squirmed up and down the length of me, vibrating like a coin operated motel bed. When she stopped kissing my mouth, I said, "It sounds so great, Veeva. Just you and me with our brand new plastic surgery noses, running for our lives, hating each other’s guts... Both of us getting to look more and more like Michael Jackson every day.

Dan Ahearn

Did you wake him?""If I say yes, will you spank me?"Syn rolled his eyes. "You're horrible, Mari.

Sherrilyn Kenyon

He gave a wry smile. With all this vigilant vigils on virginity, you would think the country would have controlled its population by now.

Mallika Nawal

For the record, I do have genitals; and they are functional and aesthetically pleasing.

Chuck Lorre

Even those fortunate ones among us who get sex right don’t necessarily feel compelled to talk about it. For all they know, everybody else is having the same experience. Sex being a naturally private act, we don’t share experiences with others the way we would about an especially good steakhouse.

Michael Rittenhouse

We don’t ask when people age out of singing, or eating ice cream; why would we stop making love?

Ashton Applewhite

Maybe he likes the look of Mae," Nick drawled."Don't be ridiculous."Nick raised his eyebrows. "Does he like the look of Jamie?

Sarah Rees Brennan

...Fate forced me to become a two-man woman. But there was no effing way I could be a four-man woman.Even metaphysics couldn't keep that from being whorey.

Sierra Dean

She looks like a very young old person, or a very old young person; but then, she's looked that way ever since she was two.

Margaret Atwood

What is Time, O sister of similar features, that you speak of it so subserviently? Are we to be the slaves of the sun, that secondhand overrated knob of gilt, or of his sister, that fatuous circle of silver paper? A curse upon their ridiculous dictatorship!

Mervyn Peake

You are old and grey,” she teased.“And you’re never too immortal for a spanking,” he shot back...

Dianna Hardy

Mamma says she is quite certain that "how old is too old?" is not a question known to the Lord.

Annette Bridges

His age was indeterminate. But in cynicism and general world weariness, which is a sort of carbon dating of the personality, he was about seven thousand years old.

Terry Pratchett

Old age is not just for grown up's

Benny Bellamacina

I trust that age doth not wither nor custom stale my infinite variety.

Arthur Conan Doyle

You aren't really old until nothing is fun enough to make you forget the weather.

Robert Quillen

Two or three years from now thirty won't look so senile.

Warner Fabian

Never get old. It's a ridiculously uncomfortable process Ath Creator should be made to find a cure for.

Janny Wurts

I might be old and ugly now, but you started that way, Jack.

Regina Sirois

Though I should have known better, I had to ask. "What is furniture disease?"She looked at me like I had the IQ of a grape. "It's when your chest falls into your drawers. Get ready for it, honey, because with that rack of yours, you'll be using them as knee pads before you know it.

Annelise Ryan

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese

Luis Buñuel

When I am old and addled I will make coronets like Cad, that have nothing to do with history, but represent the whimsy and cobwebs in my brain.

Sherri Baldy

I'm forty-two," he said. "That's eighty-four in musician years.

Monica Wood

At weddings old people poke me and say, "you're next," so I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Unknown Author

We were all so young that there were no lines on our faces to read between.

Phyllis Theroux

And there was this sweet-looking little old lady with her white hair in a bun and everything, the typical grandmother type, and she was swearing her head off. I guess Alzheimer's had brought out her inner sailor.

Vivian Vande Velde

Twenty-seven.”His brow puckered, and he blinked over at her. “Twenty-seven hundred years, right?”If he were speaking to Taliyah, yes. “No. Just twenty-seven plain, ordinary years.”“You don’t mean human years, do you?”“No. I mean dog years,” she said dryly, then pressed her lips together. Where was the filter that was usually poised over her mouth? Strider didn’t seem to mind, though. Rather, he seemed stupefied. Would Sabin have had the same reaction were he awake? “What’s so hard to believe about my age?” As the question echoed between them, a thought occurred to her and she blanched. “Do I look ancient?”“No, no. Of course not. But you’re immortal. Powerful.

Gena Showalter

Thirty--the promise of a decade of loneliness, a thinning list of single men to know, a thinning brief-case of enthusiasm, thinning hair.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Previous 1 … 47 48 49 50 51 … 222 Next

Humor Quotes - Page 49

Related Topics