Humor Quotes - Page 21

If you can't beat em. Become as crazy as a fuckin' loon and enjoy the ride.

He is as good as anybody in this parish! He is very particular, too, about going to church-yes, he is!''I am afeard nobody ever saw him there. I never did, certainly.''The reason of that is,' she said eagerly, 'that he goes in privately by the old tower door, just when the service commences, and sits at the back of the gallery. He told me so.'This supreme instance of Troy's goodness fell upon Gabriel's ears like the thirteenth stroke of a crazy clock. It was not only received with utter incredulity as regarded itself, but threw doubt on all the assurances that had preceded it.

Thomas Hardy

This supreme instance of Troy's goodness fell upon Gabriel's ears like the thirteenth stroke of a crazy clock.

Thomas Hardy

The difference between your crazy and my crazy is that you don't think you're crazy.

Steve Maraboli

Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter!

I.B. Nosey

I don't know what she's thinking, but I'm thinking how fluid the border is between crazy and interesting, and how hard it is to decide who belongs where.

Melissa DeCarlo

Why is it that the Alpha females are crazy?"Meryn shrugged. "She made sense to me."Colton turned to Meryn. "You also set Aiden's car on fire when he ignored you."Amelia looked at Meryn. "Sounds reasonable."Meryn grinned. "I know, right?

Alanea Alder

Writing is like talking to yourself, just in a way that makes it look like you're not crazy!

Mary Kate

Have you ever been at a point that you don't know what to say? But yet you came up with this crazy idea to type this.

Eric Mayes

You have no idea how crazy I am, I should be wearing yellow Caution tape, I'm that bonkers.

Robin Benway

Crazy gets all the knives.

Seanan McGuire

He was obviously on the wrong side of crazy.

Heather Webber

Get out of here. Yoda so does not have an English accent!''Other than that you're saying I'm a dead ringer?''If the shoe fits.''Sheesh, I hate tall girls.

Joss Stirling

Fine, I'll teach you,''Besides, there's only so many times a girl wants to fall on her butt in front of the boy she's out to impress.

Joss Stirling

Wisdom you speak, Obi Tina.''None of that - I'm the one who gets to speak backwards - no, we're both wrong - that's the little green guy, Yoda.''You're right. So I just get to pout and act badly when you try and teach me anything.''Try channelling Luke rather than Annakin - the outcome is better.

Joss Stirling

Feel free to look around, but being as though there aren't any people eighteen or older here, stay off the bed. I'm not allowed to get pregnant this weekend.

Colleen Hoover

I look up in the sky, what do I see? Well blue.

Omer Abazi

If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.

Laura Davenport

wash the brush, just beats the devil out of it

Bob Ross

Art has one purpose, that is to leave you changed. Love has one purpose, that is to create art.

Julieanne O'Connor

The notion that inspired play (even when audacious, offensive, or obscene) enhances rather than diminishes intellectual vigor and spiritual fulfillment, the notion that in the eyes of the gods the tight-lipped hero and the wet-cheeked victim are frequently inferior to the red-nosed clown, such notions are destined to be a hard sell to those who have E.M. Forster on their bedside table and a clump of dried narcissus up their ass.Not to worry. As long as words and ideas exist, there will be a few misfits who will cavort with them in a spirit of *approfondement*–if I may borrow that marvelous French word that translates roughly as ‘playing easily in the deep’–and in so doing they will occasionally bring to realization Kafka’s belief that ‘a novel should be an ax for the frozen seas around us’.

Tom Robbins

What life is to humor, humor is to life.

Krishna Sagar

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye," Ferbus said too loudly. "Then it's one-eyed fun.

Gina Damico

Don't fucking quote me!

Roni Batti Kajou

The only things known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Weedle. He reasoned like this: you can't have more than one king, and tradition demands that there is no gap between kings, so when a king dies the succession must therefore pass to the heir instantaneously. Presumably, he said, there must be some elementary particles -- kingons, or possibly queons -- that do this job, but of course succession sometimes fails if, in mid-flight, they strike an anti-particle, or republicon. His ambitious plans to use his discovery to send messages, involving the careful torturing of a small king in order to modulate the signal, were never fully expanded because, at that point, the bar closed.

Terry Pratchett

Live the message, don't just read about it and preach.

Dennis M. (Pap) Dupuis

Unicorns are not real, though we still dream about them! DREAM ON!

Lindsey Johnson

Sunday is always one of those days when you don’t feel bad that it has arrived.

Pulkit Patel

A friend comes over with a Ouija board.It spells out: Bourbon. Where’s the band?Just because you’re dead doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.

Kelli Russell Agodon

He glared at Mr. Diddley’s yellow-toothed smile, and thought how he’d like to shove a toothbrush in his mouth and teach him how to use it.

Justin Swapp

Let's make it flashy!

Sakurai Gamon

...the only thing that could justify your continuing existence on the planet would be if you started breathing carbon dioxide and exhaling oxygen.

Yrsa Sigurðardóttir

Day dreaming is actually research for the next book.

Val Richards

We could call it Herbie. And when she reaches adolescence, and goes boy-crazy, we can say "Herbie Goes Bananas" to each other over and over again, as you build the doorless turret we can lock her in."(Caitlin Moran to her husband on what to call her daughter's vagina)=> :o))

Moran

Life is brighter on the lighter side.

L.M. Fields

Who are they?” I whispered, as we took seats opposite each other.Scout glanced up as she pulled notebooks and books from her bag. “The dragon ladies. They monitor lights-out, watch us while we study, and generally make sure that nothing fun occurs on their watch.”“Awesome,” I said, flipping open my trig book. “I’m a fun hater myself.

Chloe Neill

If I can't be remembered as one of the greatest authors, why not be remembered as the sexiest writer...

Hans Lindor

College is fun as long as you don't die.

Tsugumi Ohba

I Twitter (or Facebook) therefore I am

Dr. Jayce O'Neal

Everything is, the way it is, for a reason. Or it isn't. Or neither. Or both. It's so hard to tell. It's so hard to tell you're a mile away by the Luke in your eye.

Alistair McHarg

Thank goodness we don'y meet many people like [Miss Trunchbull] in this world, although they do exist and all of us are likely to come across at least one of them in a lifetime. If you ever do, you should behave as you would if you met an enraged rhinoceros out in the bush--climb up the nearest tree and stay there until it has gone away.

Roald Dahl

The marketing people are always talking about something called 'consumers'. I have this image of a fat little man in baggy Bermuda shorts, a Hawaiian shirt, and a straw hat with beer-can openers dangling from it, clutching fistfuls of dollars.

Robert James Waller

I stare at Hans. Hans is shaped like an industrial-sized refrigerator. His hands are like cinder blocks.He should not be afraid of a little thing like the ocean.

Cyn Balog

Most people new to a city on the ocean would probably go to the beach during the day when there are people around. I, on the other hand, decided to try a midnight swim at the somewhat gamy Santa Monica pier, by myself. That is, until a nearby guard kicked me off the beach for my own safety.

Kathy Griffin

All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket.

Eoin Colfer

The ocean is a Turing machine, the sand is its tape; the water reads the marks in the sand and sometimes erases them and sometimes carves new ones with tiny currents that are themselves a response to the marks.

Neal Stephenson

The professor pointed out how he could drop a keel and a propeller into the water, in case he came down at sea, and after cutting the gas bag loose he'd have a seaworthy boat. He had everything on board for survival at sea, including fancy fishing gear, flares and weather balloons for distress signals, and both shortwave radio equipment and a low-frequency system for round-the-world communications."Boy! This is somethin' right out of Jules Verne...only better, maybe," said Homer.You are right, Mr. Snodgrass," said the professor. "It is ze only way to travel. You don't go so fast, but it beats swimming! Yes? And we have everysing for safety and comfort at sea, if we have to come down. Ze only thing we have to worry about is piranhas. Oh, zey are terrible! Zey will eat everysing in sight!""Piranhas?" Homer gasped. "I thought they were only found in South American Rivers?""Oh?" said the professor. "Do ze piranhas know zat, Mr. Snodgrass?

Bertrand R. Brinley

Do you ever think about the ocean?" Nick asked me."What about it?" I said."Like what could live down there? Like how there's as much life down there as up here? Maybe more?""God Lives Underwater," said someone. "That's the name of a band. They're awesome.""But seriously," Nick said, "it's like an alternate universe. Right here on our own planet.""Right here, a hundred feet from us," said Sheila."Right here in my hair," said one of the girls who had swum, pulling some sea gunk out of her wet hair.Everyone laughed quietly at that. Nick drank his beer. The wood crackled as it burned. We all stared at the black ocean.

Blake Nelson

Shearwater sighed, like a whale in the night.

Aldous Huxley

But...he's a demon. Isn't that sort of the main category of Things to Smite?

Bethany Frenette

I've never met a politician who didn't deserve to be tossed into a pit full of Kallin," Beranabus grunts.

Darren Shan

It was how it had been with the madman among the tombs, that their number was legion, far in excess at any rate if the number listed on the back of the door as the room's maximum occupancy.

Kem Nunn

The Mad Affliction's arm shot out of the cage, grasping for me. I jumped back. His long, ragged talons swiped the air in front of me."Free me!" the Mad Affliction cried. He grasped for Bethany, but she backed away, too. "Free me and know the living nightmare that is unending madness!""You're not doing yourself any favors," I told him.

Nicholas Kaufmann

I dinna want to disappoint ye, but we's in a cellar right here, and it's full o' tatties.'After a while a voice said: 'So where izzit?''Maybe it's got the day off?''What's a demon need a day off for?''Tae gae an' see its ol' mam an' dad, mebbe?''Oh, aye? Demons have mams, do they?

Terry Pratchett

Would any of you like to share your career aspirations within the class? Jim?I dunno, to be honest, I was just hoping to be able to keep the demons away...

Jillian Tamaki

The last time I checked,I didn't have any special talent,thought Kara.Can I paint a demon to death?Drown it in some gouache?

Kim Richardson

A demonic reaper asked to be my valentine and then killed his crazy ex-girlfriend to save my life. Tomorrow I was starting up antipsychotic meds.

Courtney Allison Moulton

Sure.” Olivia smirked. “Good ol’ New York Public Library. I’m sure it’s up to date on the latest Demons that escape through well-guarded Demon Gates.

Cheyenne McCray

Trying to drown me woman?"'You can't drown a SEAL,' she said. 'How embarrassing would that be?''God yes. Shoot me, hang me, let me die of infection from a hangnail, but don't let me die in the water. They'd send me to hell on principle.

Maya Banks

He committed the crime of stupidity while under my command," said Citizen."Oh my," said Rigg. "They're handing out the death penalty for that these days?

Orson Scott Card

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Humor Quotes - Page 21

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