Humor Quotes - Page 176

I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out of me with steel pipes.

Okay, that one's pretty good," Fred acknowledged, after she'd told him a particularly filthy joke. "But have you heard the one about the baker's wife?""No," Kyra said."Rumor has it, she married him for his buns." Fred burst out laughing.Kyra groaned. "Okay, that was just bad.

Bridget Zinn

As a rule of thumb, it was always safer if the Commander-in-Chief formulated a risky plan.

Rowena Cherry

Do you really expect me to fall apart every time another woman throws herself at you? Because, if that's so, I'll be a nervous wreck before the honeymoon's over. Although, if they do it in front of me..."He went still. "Did you just propose to me?"She bristled. "Do you have a problem with that?"The scoreboard lit up, and he gave the world a high five. "God, I love you.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Rohan, one of us is an unmarried man with superior mathematical abilities and no prospects for the evening. The other is a confirmed lecher in an amorous mood, with a willing and nubile young wife waiting at home. Who do you think should do the damned account books?" And, with a nonchalant wave, St. Vincent had left the office.

Lisa Kleypas

I promise I'll never tell.""Don't promise that," he said in an ultraserious voice. "If they try to hurt you and the only way to protect yourself is to tell them what you know about me, then you tell them. Straight off, okay?""No." "Promise me.""No!""I will possess your heart."Heat flared along the back of my neck. "What did you say?""My favorite song. 'I Will Possess Your Heart.'""By Death Cab for Cutie?"He snorted. "No, the little known T.I. Hip-hop remix. Yes, Death Cab for Cutie."... "Why? What's wrong with it?""Nothing, but it doesn't seem to fit you. It's kind of a sad song." "No it's pure confident. It's not 'I want' or 'I need', none of that crap." He slipped his hand over mine. "It's 'I will.'"A nervous laugh bubbled up. "You will, huh?"His fingers brushed my cheek, then slid into my hair. "I will.

Jeri Smith-Ready

I’m fairly certain, Captain,” she said, “that the more you discover about me, the more you will dislike me. Therefore, let’s cut to the chase and acknowledge that we don’t like each other. Then we won’t have to bother with the in-between part.”She was so bloody frank and practical about the whole thing that Christopher couldn’t help but be amused.“I’m afraid I can’t oblige you.”“Why not?”“Because when you said that just now, I found myself starting to like you.”“You’ll recover,” she said.Her decisive tone made him want to smile. “It’s getting worse, actually,” he told her. “Now I’m absolutely convinced that I like you.”Beatrix gave him a patently skeptical stare. “What about my hedgehog? Do you like her, too?”Christopher considered that. “Affection for rodents can’t be rushed.”“Medusa isn’t a rodent. She’s an erinaceid.

Lisa Kleypas

Two farewell gifts," Sadie muttered, "from two gorgeous guys. I hate my life.

Rick Riordan

Missing you is worse than Pittsburgh.

Salvador Plascencia

Justin, honey, you were my very first kiss. My very first hand to hold. But you were nothing more than an average guy. And I don't say that to be mean- I don't. There was just something about you that made me need to be your girlfriend to this day I don't know exactly what that was. But it was there.. and it was amazingly strong. -Thirteen Reasons Why

Jay Asher

While Maddox now believed the demon did not want to hurt Ashlyn, he wasn't willing to take a chance. He would talk about flowers and moonbeams - he cringed - if it meant maintaining this delectable inner peace."Is there a way to break your death-curse?" Ashlyn asked. So much for flowers and moon-beams.

Gena Showalter

Big lots,' I said, seeing the eighty-year-old oaks and shady lawns. The houses were set way back and had iron fences and stone drives. The harder to hear your neighbors scream, my dear,' was David’s answer, and I sent my head up and down in agreement.

Kim Harrison

Cat doesn’t have to work. She’s a woman of independent means. I settled enough money on her to allow her the freedom to do anything she wished. She went to boarding school for four years, and stayed to teach for another two. Eventually she came to me and said she’d accepted a position as a governess for the Hathaway family. I believe you were in France with Win at the time. Cat went for the interview, Cam and Amelia liked her, Beatrix and Poppy clearly needed her, and no one seemed inclined to question her lack of experience.”“Of course not,” Leo said acidly. “My family would never bother with something so insignificant as job experience. I’m sure they started the interview by asking what her favorite color was.

Lisa Kleypas

My God, Jack - with a look like that, you two should just get a room. And try not to pick the one with a dead body next to it this time.

Julie James

Don’t call me babe. I’m not a floozy. Or a freaking talking pig.

Katee Robert

I'm glad you escaped, Kyra," Fred said, looking serious again. "And that I found you.""Me too," Kyra said, glancing up at him. "It wouldn't have been much of a life trying to live in the dumbwaiter."Fred leaned down and kissed Kyra full on the lips.Kyra pulled away. "How do you know I'm interested in you? Just because you've decided I'm worth hanging around for doesn't mean I feel the same way."Fred cocked his head at her. "Really?""Oh, okay," Kyra said.Then she kissed him back.

Bridget Zinn

And your life,' Katie said to Christy, 'is turning into a rather predictable romance. Girl meets boy. Boy is a dork for four years. Girl blossoms into a gorgeous woman. Boy finds his brain. Girl turns into starry-eyed mush head.

Robin Jones Gunn

Like a shot from a movie, the morning sun shone brilliantly around him like a god—his dark hair glinted warmly in the light, and his eyes gleamed bluer than the south Pacific Ocean.Taylor's mind went blank. And suddenly, she couldn't remember why the hell she ever had been angry with Jason Andrews.But then he spoke."Sleeping in this morning, Ms. Donovan?" he drawled.Moment over.

Julie James

It's me," a deep voice rumbled.The hands released me and I turned. There stood Derek, all six foot of him. Maybe it was just the thrill of seeing him, but he looked better than I remembered. His black hair was still lank, and his face was still dotted with acne. But he looked...better.~~~~~Tori waited until Derek was gone, then shuddered. "Okay, Derek always weired me out, but the wolf man stuff is seriously creepy. Suits him, I suppose. A creepy power for a creepy guy.""I thought he looked better."She stared at me."What? He does. Probably because he's starting his wolf changes and he's not stressed out about being in Lyle House. That must help.""You know what will really help? Shampoo. Deodorant - "I raised my hand to cut her off. "He smelled fine, so don't start that. I'm sure his wearing deodorant and - for once-it's working. As for showers, they're a little hard to come by on the street, and we won't look much better soon.""I'm just saying.""Do you think he doesn't know you're saying? News flash-he's not stupid.

Kelley Armstrong

You've got an awfully kissable mouth.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Give me some sugar.

Rachel Gibson

Picnics are very dear to those who are in the first stage of the tender passion.

Arthur Conan Doyle

But Harry . . . even if we had met and married three years ago, you’d still say it wasn’t enough time.”“You’re right. I can’t think of a single day of my life that wouldn’t have been improved with you in it.”“Darling,” she whispered, her fingertips coming up to stroke his jaw, “that’s lovely. Even more romantic than comparing me to watch parts.”Harry nipped at her finger. “Are you mocking me?”“Not at all,” Poppy said, smiling. “I know how you feel about gears and mechanisms.

Lisa Kleypas

I’ve never cheated on a lover. I’m faithful, always. But the war comes before anyone’s feelings. Every time.”Wow. Battle before love. Without a doubt, he was the most unromantic male she’d ever met. Even more so than her great-grandfather, who had laughingly burned her great-grandmother to death after she’d given birth to Gwen’s grandmother.

Gena Showalter

What in the blue star-blazes did you see in Jason?" he asked, still forcefully but with his frustration and jealousy under better control."For one thing, Djetth, he wasn't trying to kill me!"

Rowena Cherry

I tried to think of something to say. Excuse me? Hello? Marry me? Anything would have done.

Rick Riordan

And then to Leo’s surprise, Catherine smiled at him. A sweet, natural, brilliant smile, the first she had ever given him. Leo felt his chest tighten, and he went hot all over, as if some euphoric drug had gone straight to his nervous system.It felt like … happiness.He remembered happiness from a long time ago. He didn’t want to feel it. And yet the giddy warmth kept washing over him for no reason whatsoever.“Thank you,” Catherine said, the smile still hovering on her lips. “That is kind of you, my lord. But I will never dance with you.”Which, of course, made it the goal of Leo’s life.

Lisa Kleypas

Beatrix, do you know what happens to girls who ask such naughty questions?”“They’re ravished in haylofts?” she inquired hopefully.

Lisa Kleypas

The most temptation I'd experienced had been with Tomas, the Senate's spy who had been feeding off me without permission, and Mircea, who was probably plotting some nefarious scheme. I have no taste in men.

Karen Chance

Marriage would change hardly anything between us, except that we would end our arguments in a much more satisfying way. And of course I would have extensive legal rights over your body, your property, and all your individual freedoms, but I don't see what's so alarming about that.

Lisa Kleypas

Don’t make a feller wait too long. A feller waiting on a gal can get ornery’er than a huntin’ dog that’s tree’d it’s squirrel.

Colleen Houck

It's about time! It's supposed to be a ritual, not a marathon.

Karen Chance

You don’t annoy me.” Carefully he rebuttoned the placket of her shirt. “I thought you did, at first. But now I realize it was more like the feeling you get when your foot’s been asleep. And when you start moving, the blood coming back into it is uncomfortable . . . but also good. Do you understand what I mean?”“Yes. I make your feet tingle.”A smile came to his lips. “Among other things.

Lisa Kleypas

I love these pet names," she said, gazing soulfully up into his eyes, "Nitwit. Sap skull. Termagant. How they make my heart flutter!

Loretta Chase

It called to him, a sweet heady beacon of femininity, fertility, and fuckability. His three favorite f-words.

Christine Warren

I dodged behind Mac for cover and refused to take the bait. I glanced at my nonexistent watch. 'Oops, look at the time. Guess I have to be going now. Let's not do this again sometime, okay?'Before I could move, Pritkin was there, jamming the medallion into the skin of my upper arm.'Ow!'He looked at me expectantly. I glared at him. 'That hurt!'What do you see?'A big red mark,

Karen Chance

He looked at the beautiful woman frowning up at him and his cock did nothing. His eyes shot back to Zoe and damn if his cock didn't twitch happily. Trevor swallowed hard as realization hit.There was something wrong with his dick.

R.L. Mathewson

I must be besotted,” he said evenly. “I have the imbecilic idea that you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Except for your coiffure,” he added, with a disgusted glance at the coils and plumes and pearls. “That is ghastly.”She scowled. “Your romantic effusions leave me breathless.

Loretta Chase

So you actually need spectacles,” Leo finally said.“Of course I do,” Marks said crossly. “Why would I wear spectacles if I didn’t need them?”“I thought they might be part of your disguise.”“My disguise?”“Yes, Marks, disguise. A noun describing a means of concealing someone’s identity. Often used by clowns and spies. And now apparently governesses. Good God, can anything be ordinary for my family?

Lisa Kleypas

At some point, our lips met and it was perhaps the most wonderful thing I'd ever experienced. And truly, I guess there wasn't just one kiss, but several. A polite frenzy. A mass migration of delicate wildebeest kisses. I remember them as one transcendent event, though.

Dean Hale

You know, I never believed in fate until I met you... then I started thinking coincidence didn't have near so cruel a sense of humor

Alwyn Hamilton

Jessica, you are a pain in the arse, do you know that? If I were not so immensely fond of you, I should throw you out the window."She wrapped her arms about his waist and laid her head against his chest. "Not merely 'fond,' but 'immensely fond.' Oh Dain, I do believe I shall swoon.""Not now," he said crossly. "I haven't time to pick you up.

Loretta Chase

She was not sorry. And if it was the wine telling her that, then she would tell the wine the same thing tomorrow. She was not sorry.

Mary Balogh

A romantic man often feels more uplifted with two women than with one: his love seems to hit the ideal mark somewhere between two different faces.

Elizabeth Bowen

I never want to be apart from you,” he said. “I’m going to buy an island and take you there. A ship will come once a month with supplies. The rest of the time it will be just the two of us, wearing leaves and eating exotic fruit and making love on the beach . . .”You’d start a produce export business and organize a local economy within a month,” she said flatly.Harry groaned as he recognized the truth of it. “God. Why do you tolerate me?”Poppy grinned and slid her arms around his neck. “I like the side benefits,” she told him. “And really, it’s only fair since you tolerate me.

Lisa Kleypas

I don’t want to be a widow, I don’t want Michael Bayning, and I don’t want you to joke about such things, you tactless clodpole!”As all three of them stared at her openmouthed, Poppy leapt up and stalked away, her hands drawn into fists.Bewildered by the immediate force of her fury—it was like being stung by a butterfly—Harry stared after her dumbly. After a moment, he asked the first coherent thought that came to him. “Did she just say she doesn’t want Bayning?”“Yes,” Win said, a smile hovering on her lips. “That’s what she said. Go after her, Harry.”Every cell in Harry’s body longed to comply. Except that he had the feeling of standing on the edge of a cliff, with one ill-chosen word likely to send him over. He gave Poppy’s sister a desperate glance. “What should I say?”“Be honest with her about your feelings,” Win suggested.A frown settled on Harry’s face as he considered that. “What’s my second option?

Lisa Kleypas

I don’t understand how I could have believed you were a warm, affectionate, and tenderhearted person! You’re obviously as prickly as a porcupine and any man who comes close to you will end up with a face full of quills!

Colleen Houck

Hey!” I said, indignation filling me. “I’m immortal! Doesn’t that mean I won’t get saggy boobs and gray hair? Because if it doesn’t mean that, I want a refund—

Katie MacAlister

Great. I'd been dumped in Hell's waiting room.

Karen Chance

You look like the vamp who bled the cat.

Kim Harrison

Now," said Brandons low, cold voice. "Lets not be rude eve.

Rachel Caine

Kyra." Fred caught Kyra's eyes. "I'm not in love with Ariana and I don't want half the kingdom.""You don't?"He shook his head. "But I might stick around for a little while longer. There are some interesting things in the Kingdom of Mohr.""Like what?""Like a certain funny and extremely talented potioner."Kyra took a breath. "I have to warn you, Hal isn't that great as a boyfriend. He's pretty self absorbed.

Bridget Zinn

He smiled. "How kind of you to confirm what I already know. Perhaps next you will introduce me to myself. I hear I am quite popular.

Meredith Duran

He smiled. "I suppose I thought we'd have a madly impractical, terrifyingly modern sort of marriage. One based on love. Not to mention dangerous undertakings and hair's-breadth escapes from burning buildings, high ledges and exploding sewers.""And bickering.""Always that, yes.""Assuming I want to marry at all.""True. I know of no good way of forcing you to do anything.""And you're mad enough to think it could work - one day?"He cupped her face in his hands. His smile was so brilliant it seemed to illuminate the room. "I think it would be heaven."She trembled, then. "You have a very strange idea of heaven.""Kiss me and see.

Y.S. Lee

More than anything." Rob persisted. "You'd crawl on your belly over broken glass for her. Easy.

L.J. Smith

Felicity," Mrs. Featherington interurupted, "why don't you tell Mr. Brdgerton about your watercolors?"For the life of him, Colin couldn't imagine a less interesting topic (except maybe for Phillipa's watercolors), but he nonetheless turned to the youngest Featherington with a friendly smile and asked, "And how are your watercolors?"But Felicity, bless her heart, gave him a rather friendly smile herself and said nothing but, "I imagine they're fine, thank you.

Julia Quinn

If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office.

Janet Evanovich

The "inner circle of humanity" recognizes others through frequency, regardless of walk of life or "positioning in the astral". This is an operation run invisibly from Outside the astral. Going Home represents the final shift to one's true spiritual families of light, in all dimensions of harmonics; higher vibrations/love in unity consciousness, above, below and literally "everywhere and everynow".

Compton Gage

Secret glances are shared by those on the "inside" or esoteric "inner circle", who have literally gone into many lower frequencies simultaneously. This is the "secret glance" of love, which allows the higher to operate in the lower; to "save" those worlds in order to correct the impending takeover of the "Devil and his demons", a metaphor for light and dark "battles" raging today.

Compton Gage

If the 4th "dimension" is blocked, which is a kind of cosmic umbrella, through which 5D through 9D and higher are designed to operate in physical realms, being non-physical, then the Devil who controls "the spice" controls everything. It would be easy to continue with the reasons behind death, terrible plague on earth.

Compton Gage

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Humor Quotes - Page 176

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