Humor Quotes - Page 175

Claptrap last week,” Lady D announced. “I think the priest is getting old.”Gareth opened his mouth, but before he could say a word, his grandmother’s cane swung around in a remarkably steady horizontal arc. “Don’t,” she warned, “make a comment beginning with the words, ‘Coming from you…’”“I wouldn’t dream of it,” he demurred.“Of course you would,” she stated. “You wouldn’t be my grandson if you wouldn’t.” She turned to Hyacinth. “Don’t you agree?”To her credit, Hyacinth folded her hands in her lap and said, “Surely there is no right answer to that question.”“Smart girl,” Lady D said approvingly.“I learn from the master.”Lady Danbury beamed. “Insolence aside,” she continued determinedly, gesturing toward Gareth as if he were some sort of zoological specimen, “he really is an exceptional grandson. Couldn’t have asked for more.”Gareth watched with amusement as Hyacinth murmured something that was meant to convey her agreement without actually doing so.“Of course,” Grandmother Danbury added with a dismissive wave of her hand, “he hasn’t much in the way of competition. The rest of them have only three brains to share among them.”Not the most ringing of endorsements, considering that she had twelve living grandchildren.“I’ve heard some animals eat their young,” Gareth murmured, to no one in particular.Hyacinth wrinkled her nose, as she always did when she was thinking hard. It wasn’t a terribly attractive expression, but the alternative was simply not to think, which she didn’t find appealing.

Julia Quinn

Nobody with any real sense of humor *can* write a love story. . . . Shakespeare is the exception that proves the rule. (90-91)

L.M. Montgomery

Mom," Nathan called to her.Daisy pulled her gaze from the tent and the fleeting glimpse of Jack's bare back, the smooth planes and indent of his spine, the sliver of the white elastic just above the blue waistband of his jeans..."Hmm?""What's a faaar ant?" he asked just above a whisper."Fire." She chuckled and shook her head. "Fire ant. They have a nasty bite that burns."Nathan smiled. "Well, why didn't he just say fire?""He thinks he did.

Rachel Gibson

Lucy: I don't understand men.Nettie: What is there to understand? If you feed 'em regular-like and give 'em a bit of 'sugar' now and then, they're easy enough. And if they don't behave, you just toss 'em out on their arses. That's what I always say.

Sabrina Jeffries

Never mind that. What's going on with you and Heath?"Annabelle pulled a little wide-eyed innocence out of her rusty bag of college acting skills."What do you mean? Business.""Don't give me that. We've been friends too long."She switched to a furrowed brow. "He's my most important client. You know how much this means to me."Molly wasn't buying it. "I've seen the way you look at him. Like he was a slot machine with triple sevens tattooed on his forehead. If you fall in love with him, I swear I'll never speak toyou again." Annabelle nearly choked. She'd known Molly would be suspicious, but she hadn't expected an outright confrontation. "Are you nuts? Setting aside the fact that he treats me like a flunky, I'd never fall for a workaholic after what I've had to go through with my family." Falling in lust, however, was an entirely different matter."He has a calculator for a heart," Molly said. "I thought you liked him.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

I know about safe sex," Nathan said, interrupting Jack's thoughts. Jack swallowed. "That's good." He smiled at his son, vastly relieved that there would be no hard questions about his own sex life. "What I want to know is..." Nathan stole a quick look back at the tent. "Where is the clitoris exactly?" Jack's smile fell and he opened his mouth. No words came out so he closed it. Nathan had no problem forming his words, though. "And what the heck is a G-spot?

Rachel Gibson

I’m well aware that this—that I—am the first man to ever do this to her. And yes, as a guy, thatfact makes it even better.You know who Neil Armstrong is, don’t you?Now tell me who the second guy was. Hell, tell me any other guy you know who made it to themoon after him. You can’t, can you? That’s why this is such a rush.She’ll never forget this.She’ll always remember…me.Maybe that’s chauvinistic and egotistical, but it’s the truth.-Drew Evans

Emma Chase

If you don't want to tear off the clothes of the person you're on a date with and jump into bed with them, then what's the point? I'd never date; instead, I'd have lots of good friends and hug them a lot and life would be easier and neater and uncomplicated.

Rachel Machacek

... in spite of being happier than I ever dreamed I could be, I'm also soberer. The fear that something may happen to you rests like a shadow on my heart. Always before I could be frivolous and carefree and unconcerned, because I had nothing precious to lose. But now -- I shall have a Great Big Worry all the rest of my life. Whenever you are away from me I shall be thinking of all the automobiles that can run over you, or the signboards that can fall on your head or the dreadful, squirmy germs that you may be swallowing.

Jean Webster

Tell me of this Wizard Howl of yours". Sophie's teeth chattered but she said proudly, "He's the best wizard in Ingary or anywhere else. If he'd only had time, he would have defeated that djinn. And he's sly and selfish and vain as a peacock and cowardly, and you can't pin him down to anything.

Diana Wynne Jones

You're taller than I am, but I'm stronger, and meaner right this minute than you could ever imagine" - Lady Madelyne.

Julie Garwood

I'm a big believer in first impressions," he finally said. "Tell me what your first thought was when Jason walked into the courtroom."Taylor took a sip of her drink and grinned. This one was easy. "I vowed to hate him forever."Jeremy's brown eyes twinkled at this. "That's exactly what I said nineteen years ago, five minutes after he first walked into our dorm room.

Julie James

He smacked the heel of his hand against his forhead, as if that could knock the mental picture out of his head. Hell, he though irritably, he didn't want to knock the image just out of his head. He wanted to send it clear across the room and out the window.

Julia Quinn

I paid you five thousand instead and promised the balance only if you made the match. As it turns out, this is your lucky day because I've decided to write you the full check, whether the match comes from you or from Portia. As long as I have a wife and you've been part of the process, you'll get your money." He toasted her with his beer mug. "Congratulations."She put down her fork. "Why would you do that?""Because it's efficient.""Not as efficient as having Powers handle her own introductions. You're paying her a fortune to do exactly that.""I'd rather have you."Her pulse kicked. "Why?"He gave her the melty smile he must have been practicing since the cradle, one that made her feel as though she was the only woman in the world. "Because you're easier to bully. Do we have a deal or not?""You don't want a matchmaker. You want a lackey.""Semantics. My hours are erratic, and my schedule changes without warning. It'll be your job to cope with all that. You'll soothe ruffled feathers when I need to cancel at the last minute. You'll keep my dates company when I'm going to be late, entertain them if I have to take a call. If things are going well, you'll disappear. If not, you'll make the woman disappear. I told you before. I work hard at my job. I don't want to have to work hard at this, too.""Basically, you expect me to find your bride, court her, and hand her over at the altar. Or do I have to come on the honeymoon, too?""Definitely not." He gave her a lazy smile. "I can take care of that all by myself.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Life sure is easier when you're rich.""And a natural born charmer. Don't forget that part.""How could I?" she retorted. "It's the only thing we have in common.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

You may marry Miss Grey for her fifteen pounds but you will always be my Willoughby. My nightmare. My sorrow. My past. My mistake. My regret. My love.

Shannon L. Alder

It's all life is. Just going 'round kissing people.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Alpha bitches are all the same underneath. Don't know how to give an inch even if their damn fool lives depend on it.

Moira Rogers

If you ever need to confirm that a girl is worth coming back from Hell for, show her your monster arm and see what she says.

Richard Kadrey

My mate is really, really weird.She is also absolutely covered in brown, mushy clay.She laughs and holds a large lump up to show it to me. Her mouth moves, and she makes enough noise to scare away a group of birds near the shore.She is so, so strange.

Shay Savage

I've just vowed my love for you. Have you nothing to say in return?" Duncan asked."Thank you, husband.

Julie Garwood

Dain kept his gaze on his plate and concentrated on swallowing the morsel he'd just very nearly choked on. She was possessive... about him.The beautiful, mad creature - or blind and deaf creature, or whatever she was - coolly announced it as one might say, "Pass the salt cellar," without the smallest awareness that the earth had just tilted on its axis.

Loretta Chase

All masculine, hard-bodied and sensual, he was a deadly weapon sent by the gods to drive women mad, and a walking billboard for all things wicked and carnal. Orgasms! Get your orgasms here. Hot and juicy! Just how you like ‘em!

Lisa Sanchez

You are well aware of your effect on women, and I'm sure it gratifies you no end to watch them sigh and salivate over your magnificent physique. I do not wish to spoil your fun, Dain, but I do ask you to consider my pride and refrain from embarrassing me in public."Women...sighing and salivating...over his magnificent physique. Maybe the brutal bedding had destroyed a part of her brain.

Loretta Chase

Home was his favorite place too. But home for him was anywhere Jane happened to be. Never in his life had he loved someone as much as he loved her. So much that it scared him sometimes. He pulled her against him and looked out over the city. He was in love with his wife. Yeah, he knew what that said about him. That he was a goner. Leg-shackled for life. Whipped by a short woman with a big attitude. Yep, that's what it said about him, and he didn't care.

Rachel Gibson

Lori sat way back in her chair and gave him the once-over. "What in the world's gotten into Ben Lawson? jokes? Flirting? Maybe I should sleep with Molly. I think she's got a magic hooha.

Victoria Dahl

Snowball?"It's white."Meow."It's so girly."This from a guy who named his poodle Princess."his laughter died. "How do you know about Princess?"Your sister told me.

Rachel Gibson

I wouldn't yell 'fire' at that slimeball if his ass was in flames.

Victoria Dahl

It is. I’m your boyfriend now, whichmeans there’s no room for your hipster admirer. He’ll just have to lick his wounds while we lick other things.

Kylie Scott

He grinned, and right then it occurred to him that he hadn't enjoyed himself so much with a woman in a very long time. If Annabelle Granger were a few inches taller, a hell of a lot more sophisticated, better organized, less bossy, and more inclined to worship at his feet, she'd have made a perfect wife.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Madelyne, we're married now. 'Tis a usual occurrence to bed one's wife on the wedding night.

Julie Garwood

If you neglected to warn Djetth beforehand that you were going to shoot him down, Your Highness, he may consider you in breach of contract...

Rowena Cherry

Never sleep with a lady only once, especially in the case of an older lady.-'Rhett

Rowena Cherry

You'll want all your strength for the wedding night." I cannot think why I should need strength," she said, ignoring a host of spine-tingling images rising in her mind's eye. "All I have to do is lie there." "Naked," he said grimly. "Truly?" She shot him a glance from under her lashes. "Well, if I must, I must, for you have the advantage of experience in these matters. Still, I do wish you'd told me sooner. I should not have put the modiste to so much trouble about the negligee." "The what?" "It was ghastly expensive," she said, "but the silk is as fine as gossamer, and the eyelet work about the neckline is exquisite. Aunt Louisa was horrified. She said only Cyprians wear such things, and it leaves nothing to the imagination." Jessica heard him suck in his breath, felt the muscular thigh tense against hers. "But if it were left to Aunt Louisa," she went on,"I should be covered from my chin to my toes in thick cotton ruffled with monstrosities with little bows and rosebuds. Which is absurd, when an evening gown reveals far more, not to mention--" "What color?" he asked. His low voice had roughened. "Wine red," she said, "With narrow black ribbons threaded through the neckline. Here." She traced a plunging U over her bosom. "And there's the loveliest openwork over my...well, here." She drew her finger over the curve of her breast a bare inch above the nipple. "And openwork on the right side of the skirt. From here" --she pointed to her hip--"down to the hem. And I bought---" "Jess." Her name was a strangled whisper. "--slippers to match," she continued." Black mules with--" "Jess." In one furious flurry of motion he threw down the reins and hauled her into his lap.

Loretta Chase

What if I shave?" he said. "I look much better when I'm shaved. My cousin will vouch for that—do I not look almost handsome when I shave, Edward? " He didn't wait for the duke's reply but turned earnestly back to Prudence. "Do you think you could marry me if I shaved?

Anne Gracie

We've been wed more than a month. Since it appears you mean to stay, I might as well give you leave to call me by my christian name. It is preferable, at any rate, to 'clodpole.

Loretta Chase

This has to be the most self-centered thing I've ever said, but no, I think you just wanted to vex me.

Julia Quinn

Would you like to hear more romance of the evening? He told me that the Guard should be reduced by half, and I threw an ink jar at his head.""Is that when he cried?""He ducked," Attolia said dryly.Grown more confident of the queen's humor, Relius said, "I had not pictured you for a fishwife.""Lo, the transforming power of love.

Megan Whalen Turner

I would actually write books totally full of nothing BUT kissing scenes, but apparently people like books to have, like, "plots" or whatever.

Rachel Hawkins

Dad" I pleaded, "this is so [cuss word you never, ever say in front of your mother] ridiculous.

Jennifer Echols

Sorry,ʺ she said, her face shining with joy when she saw me. ʺShould have put a sock on the door. Didnʹt realize things were getting hot and heavy.ʺʺNo avoiding it,ʺ I said lightly, clasping Dimitriʹs hand. ʺThings are always hot with him around.ʺDimitri looked scandalized. Heʹd never held back when we were in bed together, but his private nature wouldnʹt let him even hint about such matters to others. It was mean, but I laughed and kissed his cheek.ʺOh, this is going to be fun,ʺ I said. ʺNow that everythingʹs out in the open.ʺʺYeah,ʺ he said. ʺI got a pretty ‘funʹ look from your father the other day.

Richelle Mead

[Bobby Tom] finally understood Gracie's function in his life. She was God's joke on him.

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

Blake took a small roll from the tray on the table, then put it back in favor of a larger one. And maybe a little butter. It certainly couldn't hurt. And jam...no, he drew the line at jam. She was a spy, after all.

Julia Quinn

How could you fall in love with a three inch worm?

Stephenie Meyer

Frowning, she looked up. "You can't want to ravish me every time we meet."Oh, yes, he could. Demon gritted his teeth...

Stephanie Laurens

Bet you ten bucks we make it."What are the odds? she thought, and realized with sudden, blinding clarity that she wouldn't take the other side of that bet, that only a loser would bet against them. This is really it, she thought, amazed. This is really forever. I believe in this."Min?" he said, and she kissed him, putting all her heart into it. "No bet," she said against his mouth. "Your odds are too good.""Our odds are too good

Jennifer Crusie

Goodness had nothing to do with it.

Mae West

Miss Bridgerton,” he said, “the devil himself couldn’t scare you.”She forced her eyes to meet his. “That’s not a compliment, is it?”He lifted her hand to his lips, brushing a feather-light kiss across her knuckles. “You’ll have to figure that out for yourself,” he murmured.To all who observed, he was the soul of propriety, but Hyacinth caught the daring gleam in his eye, and she felt the breath leave her body as tingles of electricity rushed across her skin. Her lips parted, but she had nothing to say, not a single word. There was nothing but air, and even that seemed in short supply.And then he straightened as if nothing had happened and said, “Do let me know what you decide.”She just stared at him.“About the compliment,” he added. “I am sure you will wish to let me know how I feel about you.”Her mouth fell open.He smiled. Broadly. “Speechless, even. I’m to be commended.”“You—”“No. No,” he said, lifting one hand in the air and pointing toward her as if what he really wanted to do was place his finger on her lips and shush her. “Don’t ruin it. The moment is too rare.

Julia Quinn

I invited a few people to help celebrate your birthday," Cameron said sheepishly. She threw up her hands. "Surprise.""We sort of come with the package," Collin explained. "Think of it as a collective gift from all of us to you: five bona fide annoying and overly intrusive new best friends.""It's the gift that keeps on giving," Wilkins said.Jack grinned. "I'm touched. Really. And since it appears I'm going to be moving in, let me be the first to say that all of you are always welcome at my and Cameron's house. Subject to a minimum of forty-eight hours prior notification.

Julie James

I'm still trying to decide how I feel about the fact that you knew about this before I did.""Don't be disappointed," Jack said. "The fact that I've been ridiculously proud of you for days doesn't change how excited you should be about this. Besides, I pretty much know everything. You should probably just start getting used to it.""And on that note, I'm hanging up," Cameron said."Rushing me off so you can call Collin next?" Jack teased."No" she said emphatically. Damn, he really did know everything.

Julie James

Suffer love! A good ephitet! I do suffer love indeed, for I love thee against my will.

William Shakespeare

Have you any other objection than your belief of my indifference?"- Elizabeth Bennet

Jane Austen

Was this some new level of depravity? Had he developed a spinster fetish?

Lisa Kleypas

Fresh, sweet honeysuckle. Ripe and rich and ready to be fucked--PLUCKED, he corrected himself, ready to be plucked.

Christine Warren

I’m out of health potions. Retreat! Retreat! Give me some of your health potions!” I screamed. “I don’t have any potions. Run, bitch, run,” Brody squealed. The red ran out on my health and my assassin was transported, stripped of everything we’d earned, back to the starting camp. “I’m dead! Fuck, they killed me!

Kristen Ashley

Love is photogenic, it develops in the dark.

Lorraine Gokul

How do you feel?” she asked, trying to fluff his pillow. “Other than terrible, I mean.”He moved his head slightly to the side. It seemed to be a sickly interpretation of a shrug.“Of course you’re feeling terrible,” she clarified, “but is there any change? More terrible? Less terrible?”He made no response.“The same amount of terrible?

Julia Quinn

And, she was able to tell herself with some satisfaction, the man in question - one Colin Bridgerton - felt precisely the same way........His earth shook, his heart leaped, and Penelope knew without a doubt that his breath was taken away as well. For a good ten seconds.Falling off a horse tended to do that to a man.

Julia Quinn

She inched closer to him. "I intrigue you?""You know you do," he replied boldly, his eyes burning into hers. Wow-things were suddenly heating up fast. He wondered if they would have sex right there on her desk.Somebody better move that stapler.With a coy look, Taylor stood up to whisper in Jason's ear."then I think you're going to find this next part really intriging," she said breathlessly.He gazed down at her-he like the sound of that-and raised one eybrow expectantly as taylor grinned wickedly and-Slammed the office door right in his face.For a moment, Jason could only stand there in the hallway with his nose pressed against the cold wood of her door. After a few seconds, he knocked politely.Taylor whipped open the door, unamused.Jason grinned at her. "I just gotta ask: where did you get the whole 'all the cute girls run around naked' thing?

Julie James

His hand snapped shut over the device and then he crossed his arms. Aria stared in horror. Her Smarteye was buried in a Neanderthal’s armpit.

Veronica Rossi

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Humor Quotes - Page 175

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