Humor Quotes - Page 164

People do not deserve good writing, they are so pleased with bad.

I love writing, but hate starting. The page is awfully white and it says, 'You may have fooled some of the people some of the time but those days are over, Giftless. I'm not your agent and I'm not your mommy: I'm a white piece of paper. You wanna dance with me?' and I really, really don't. I'll go peaceable-like.

Aaron Sorkin

Always mystify, torture, mislead, and surprise the audience as much as possible.

Don Roff

By morning, Adelaide was beginning to understand why she'd never completely understood how God worked. Given that He had made the bewildering, maddening, incomprehensible species that was man from His own image, it stood to reason that the Creator would be a complicated mass of logic never meant to be understood by the female mind. That, or the fall of man in the Garden of Eden had taken them even further off the path than she'd ever realized

Kristi Ann Hunter

I agreed to keep the cards a secret and asked my grandmother if she believed in magic. She said she did not but that, surprisingly, magic worked even if you did not believe in it.

Michael Chabon

- Padre Peregrine, non ti comporterai mai con un po' di serietà?- No, finché il nostro Signore benedetto non farà altrettanto. Ti prego, non fare quella faccia così terribilmente scandalizzata! Il Signore non è mai troppo serio. In effetti, è difficile dire che cos'altro sia, oltre a infinito amore. E l’amore più puro è anche letizia, non ti sembra? Non puoi amare nessuno, senza andare d’accordo con lui, e non puoi andare d’accordo con chiunque in qualunque momento, a meno di non ridere di lui bonariamente. E’ vero o no? Senza dubbio noi somigliamo a buffi animaletti che si rivoltano nella coppa della marmellata, e Dio deve amarci tanto più in quanto risvegliamo il Suo senso umoristico.

Ray Bradbury

Nobody think about that broken heart... life goes on, broken heart never join together but it tries very hard to get joined again. That;swhy may be it said "Heart is like a mirror, if its broken can never be joined.

Shahid Islam

Hit ain't sacrilege. Miss Effie Belle says when she cain't think what to have for dinner, she asts God and right off He gives her an idea. To my thinkin', thet's sacrilege."Miss Love really laughed. "There's not a woman in the world who hasn't prayed what to cook for dinner, Rucker!

Olive Ann Burns

Sometimes we can focus so much on nothing that we make it a big something of nothing

Ricky Maye

Those who find no humor in faith are probably those who find the church a refuge for their own black way of looking at life, although I think many of us find the church a refuge for a lot of our personality faults. Those of us, for example, who never learned to dance feel that the church is an ideal place for us if we can find a church that doesn't believe in dancing. Then we can get away with never having learned how to dance. You can carry this in all sorts of directions and see that the church is a refuge for what is really a 'flaw' in your own makeup.

Charles M. Schulz

Something about being rejected at Church Camp felt so much more awful than being rejected at school.

Craig Thompson

I believe in evolution in the sense that a short-tempered man is the successor of a crybaby.

Criss Jami

An artist is identical with an anarchist,' he cried. 'You might transpose the words anywhere. An anarchist is an artist. The man who throws a bomb is an artist, because he prefers a great moment to everything. He sees how much more valuable is one burst of blazing light, one peal of perfect thunder, than the mere common bodies of a few shapeless policemen. An artist disregards all governments, abolishes all conventions. The poet delights in disorder only. If it were not so, the most poetical thing in the world would be the Underground Railway.''So it is,' said Mr. Syme.'Nonsense!' said Gregory, who was very rational when any one else attempted paradox.

G.K. Chesterton

Rather a thousand times the county jail than to lie under this marble figure with wings and this granite pedestal bearing the words "pro patria." What do they mean anyway?

Edgar Lee Masters

Poetry is not an art, it's a symptom.

Michele Brenton

During our first date,I wanted to hold your hand so badI almost cut mine offand threw it at youto see if you would catch it

Colin Gilbert

I hear they make greeting cards now to thank your therapist... for NOTHING

Casey Renee Kiser

It was a scary thought. A man could be surrounded by poetry reading and not know it.

Richard Russo

How do you knowyou're a girl?I'm wearing a frock.And if you take it off?I get cold, so I putit back on.If I was a boy, I don't know what I'd do.

Ivor Cutler

I put a chameleon on a red dildo... He blushed

Bo Burnham

I was compared to Charles Bukowski yesterday. It was the best and worst compliment I've ever gotten.

Rosa Sophia

bad breath and butt smell; that is prison, in a nutshell.

Raegan Butcher

Little WordsWhen you are gone, there is nor bloom nor leaf,Nor singing sea at night, nor silver birds;And I can only stare, and shape my griefIn little words.I cannot conjure loveliness, to drownThe bitter woe that racks my cords apart.The weary pen that sets my sorrow downFeeds at my heart.There is no mercy in the shifting year,No beauty wraps me tenderly about.I turn to little words- so you, my dear,Can spell them out.

Dorothy Parker

She dotes on poetry, sir. She adores it; I may say that her whole soul and mind are wound up, and entwined with it. She has produced some delightful pieces, herself, sir. You may have met with her 'Ode to an Expiring Frog,' sir.

Charles Dickens

The BALLPOINT PENGUINS, black and white, Do little else but write and write.Although they've nothing much to say, They write and write it anyway....

Jack Prelutsky

There is nothing like scrubbing toilets for a living to make you question the choices you have made in life.

Raegan Butcher

Enjoy yourselves. And Hap: Don't let Umber near the arrows and bows; he's liable to shoot himself in the nose." Dodd grinned and snapped the reins, and the carriage rolled away. Umber sniffed. "One of his lesser poems. Come, Hap.

P.W. Catanese

That night we made love "the real way" which we had not yet attemptedalthough married six months.Big mystery. No one knew where to put their leg and to this day I'm not surewe got it right.He seemed happy. You're like Venice he said beautifully.Early next dayI wrote a short talk ("On Defloration") which he stole and had publishedin a small quarterly magazine.Overall this was a characteristic interaction between us.Or should I say ideal.Neither of us had ever seen Venice.

Anne Carson

Stars in the night,' he said. 'Something something something something, some delight

Philippa Gregory

Give a poet a pen

A. Jarrell Hayes

The busybody (banned as sexist, demeaning to older women) who lives next door called my daughter a tomboy (banned as sexist) when she climbed the jungle (banned; replaced with "rain forest") gym. Then she had the nerve to call her an egghead and a bookworm (both banned as offensive; replaced with "intellectual") because she read fairy (banned because suggests homosexuality; replace with "elf") tales.I'm tired of the Language Police turning a deaf ear (banned as handicapism) to my complaints. I'm no Pollyanna (banned as sexist) and will not accept any lame (banned as offensive; replace with "walks with a cane") excuses at this time. (banned as ethnocentric; replace with "Doctrine" or "Belief"), why can't my daughter play stickball (banned as regional or ethnic bias) on boy's night out (banned as sexist)? Why can't she build a snowman (banned, replace with "snow person") without that fanatic (banned as ethnocentric; replace with "believer," "follower," or "adherent") next door telling her she's going to hell (banned; replaced with "heck" or "darn")?Do you really think this is what the Founding Fathers (banned as sexist; replace with "the Founders" or "the Framers") had in mind? That we can't even enjoy our Devil (banned)-ed ham sandwiches in peace? I say put a stop to this cult (banned as ethnocentric) of PC old wives' tales (banned as sexist; replace with "folk wisdom") and extremist (banned as ethnocentric; replace with "believer," "follower," or "adherent") conservative duffers (banned as demeaning to older men).As an heiress (banned as sexist; replace with "heir") to the first amendment, I feel that only a heretic (use with caution when comparing religions) would try to stop American vernacular from flourishing in all its inspirational (banned as patronizing when referring to a person with disabilities) splendor.

Denise Duhamel

I can’t help but notice that you keep writing love poetry to my wife. Well, you see, I married her, which makes her my wife. You know what you might want to try? Writing some poems about the sunset. The sunset isn’t fucking married.

A.J. Jacobs

I can't even make up a rhyme about an umbrella, let alone death and life and eternal peace.

Knut Hamsun

loneliness can fly a helicopter through a cut-out shapeof a helicopter the same size as the helicopterand that's it's only skilland it isn't good enoughbut it's still amazing.

Tao Lin

contemporary poetry is a kind of Reykjavik, a place where accessibility and intelligence have been fighting a Cold War by proxy for the last half-century.

Nick Hornby

Secretly, deep down, everybody on Earth believes they can write poetry, apart from the members of the Poets' Guild, who know they can't.

K.J. Parker

Will you walk into my parlour?" said the Spider to the Fly

Mary Howitt

Failure: the renewable resource.

Kay Ryan

It's important to have your private enjoyments because sometimes that's all we have.

Kay Ryan

My love runs by like a day in June, And he makes no friends of sorrows. He'll tread his galloping rigadoon In the pathway of the morrows. He'll live his days where the sunbeams start, Nor could storm or wind uproot him. My own dear love, he is all my heart, -- And I wish somebody'd shoot him.

Dorothy Parker

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

Fran Lebowitz

Writing poetry and reading books causes brain damage.

Pat Conroy

It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day.

Dorothy Parker

We have seen the best minds of our generation destroyed by boredom at poetry readings.

Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Jack Prelutsky

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

Robert Frost

McGough: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry. Mr Bones: Oh really? Well, don't worry, sir - I used to suffer from short stories.McGough: Really? When?Mr Bones: Oh, once upon a time ...

Graham Chapman

However, he wrote some verses on her, and very pretty they were.” “And so ended his affection,” said Elizabeth impatiently. “There has been many a one, I fancy, overcome in the same way. I wonder who first discovered the efficacy of poetry in driving away love!” “I have been used to consider poetry as the food of love,” said Darcy. “Of a fine, stout, healthy love it may. Everything nourishes what is strong already. But if it be only a slight, thin sort of inclination, I am convinced that one good sonnet will starve it entirely away.

Jane Austen

Eventually, Krysomallos would be skinned for his fleece, which became known as the Golden Fleece, which means I am related to a sheepskin rug.This is why you don't want to think too hard about who you're related to in the Greek myths. It'll drive you crazy.

Rick Riordan

Everything around us is made up of matter so small, its mass cannot be written down. You're either an atom, or a cell. These things are super small, but they join and function together to create something powerful. It reminds me of love; its always the small things that are done that makes a person feel like they're made of something.

Polkadot

With right fashion, every female would be a flame.

Amit Kalantri

Fashion doesn't make you perfect, but it makes you pretty.

Amit Kalantri

Dresses won't worn out in the wardrobe, but that is not what dresses are designed for.

Amit Kalantri

Dresses don't look beautiful on hangers.

Amit Kalantri

It's time to shop high heels if your fiance kisses you on the forehead.

Amit Kalantri

Hands can cook, hands can create, hands can kill. There is no better tool than our hands.

Amit Kalantri

True friends chop the onions and cry together.

Ljupka Cvetanova

His aftershave – eau du sex god - wafted her way.

Amy Andrews

He hadn’t struck her as particularly religious unless she counted the number of times he’d called out to Jesus when he’d been deep inside her.

Amy Andrews

He was stretched out like he was her own personal playground and she wanted to ride on his equipment for a bit longer.

Amy Andrews

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Humor Quotes - Page 164

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