Humor Quotes - Page 123

Your art…” I gaped at the field of white. “There was a lovely portrait of me—right there.”I get offended whenever art is damaged, especially if that art features me.

Rick Riordan

Realism is criminal.

Nuno Roque

You can't rush art." I crumpled another lost attempt and tossed it behind me. "Besides, patience is a virtue.""It's a virtue until it's a waste of time," he pointed out.The cello unleashed a few notes that sounded strangely bright for such an instrument, and Hal nodded in its direction. "See; even a musical instrument agrees with me.

Mirriam Neal

I'm a Baroque person. More than Baroque, I'm a Rococo person. I don't draw straight lines.

Nuno Roque

I bring the girl to a museum, try to show her a little culture, and she turns a Chihuly into a giant phallus.

Nicki Elson

To call an artist morbid because he deals with morbidity as his subject-matter is as silly as if one called Shakespeare mad because he wrote ‘King Lear.

Oscar Wilde

The arts that have escaped [uniformity] best are the arts in which the public take no interest. Poetry is an instance of what I mean. We have been able to have fine poetry in England because the public do not read it, and consequently do not influence it.

Oscar Wilde

There's a fine line between minimalism and not trying very hard.

Tom Pappalardo

Artists are never appreciated at lunchtime," Kelly mumbled as she stuffed her camera into her pocket.

Alex Gino

A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.

Ljupka Cvetanova

I have made up my mind that I will never marry. I shall be wedded to my art.

L.M. Montgomery

What's that?' Thaniel said, curious. The postmarks and stamps weren't English or Japanese.'A painting. There's a depressed Dutchman who does countryside scenes and flowers and things. It's ugly, but I have to maintain the estates in Japan and modern art is a good investment.

Natasha Pulley

From space this Earth is incandescent with abominations - the gods write their signature in our entrails

Steve Aylett

Jamie came back to the apartment one night to find her spreading a viscous fluid onto a canvas. It was threaded wtih blood. "Good God," he said. "What the hell is that?" Pia didn't bother to look up but continued to knead the clear slime across the canvas. "It's my new piece." "But what is it?" He kept pointing. He'd never seen something so disgusting in his life. And her hands were completely in it. "It's Jodie's placenta. She gave it to me. I'm going to tack it up and let it dry on this canvas. Then I'm gonna glue-gun pictures of dead fetuses onto Lucite and make them the centerpeice." "Uh huh." She raised her sticky hands to him. "It's about women, you know? The way that the world opresses them, all right? And it's about babies, and . . . I don't know . . . I just got the placenta today." "Wow, that's wow . . . that's . . ." No words for this. He scratched his chin as she spread her hands in a concentric motion across the canvas. "So, do you really think anyone's gonna want to put that up on their wall when it's done?" he asked. She scowled, displeased.

K. Stephens

A gypsy girl approached Don Zana and Alfanhui and held out her tambourine. Don Zana said to her, 'You don't pay for art, kid.

Rafael Sánchez Ferlosio

My liege, and madam, to expostulateWhat majesty should be, what duty is, Why day is day, night night, and time is time,Were nothing but to waste night, day and time.Therefore, since brevity is the soul of wit,And tediousness the limbs and outward flourishes,I will be brief.

William Shakespeare

The following Discourse [on art, by Sir Joshua Reynolds] is particularly Interesting to Blockheads as it endeavours to prove that There is No such thing as Inspiration & that any Man of a plain Understanding may by Thieving from Others become a Mich Angelo.

William Blake

Erik Satie died on July 1, 1925; his last words were 'Ah, the cows...

John Richardson

Entertainment is business: the business of fucking art in the face.

Eugene Mirman

Man, didn't anybody ever tell you that art is propaganda? It doesn't matter whether you think it should be or it shouldn't be, it just is, and motherfucker, like or not, you're sitting on a funky Magna Carta.

Paul Beatty

We suffered for our art. You have to suffer for our art as well!

Terry Gilliam

Art is anything you can get away with.

Marshall McLuhan

Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea.

John Ciardi

Well, life isn't a cakewalk, is it?! Eighty-nine percent of the world's most valuable art was created by men living in rat-infested flats. You think Velásquez wore Adidas? You think he enjoyed the luxuries of central heating and twenty-four-hour pizza delivery?!

Marisha Pessl

Forget art. Put your trust in ice cream.

Charles Baxter

A week after my drugs ran out, I left my bed to perform at the college, deciding at the last minute to skip both the doughnut toss and the march of the headless plush toys. Instead, I just heated up a skillet of plastic soldiers, poured a milkshake over my head and called it a night.

David Sedaris

A code is like love, it has created with clear intentions at the beginning, but it can get complicated.

Gerry Geek

To function efficiently, any group of people or employees must have faith in their leader."- Capt. Bligh(ret.)

Robert Lynn Asprin

[Nicodemus] 'Magistra DeVega, can I ask for your help?'[DeVega] 'You can ask,' she said with her usual calmness, 'but the clerics haven't developed a cure for death by idiotic leadership.

Blake Charlton

Diplomacy is the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior."- Hun, A. T.

Robert Lynn Asprin

...You have any suggestions, make them. I'm in charge but humble. No need to salute when you see me." Fraser said, "Mind if we snicker every once in a while behind your back?" "Hell, no," I said. "Everyone else does.

Robert B. Parker

And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.

Anonymous

Suiffy, have you ever felt a sort of strange emptiness in the heart? A sort of aching void of the soul?''Oh, rather!''What do you do about it?''I generally take a couple of cocktails.

P.G. Wodehouse

To be really mediæval one should have no body. To be really modern one should have no soul. To be really Greek one should have no clothes.

Oscar Wilde

Religion is a totalitarian belief. It is the wish to be a slave. It is the desire that there be an unalterable, unchallengeable, tyrannical authority who can convict you of thought crime while you are asleep, who can subject you to total surveillance around the clock every waking and sleeping minute of your life, before you're born and, even worse and where the real fun begins, after you're dead. A celestial North Korea. Who wants this to be true? Who but a slave desires such a ghastly fate? I've been to North Korea. It has a dead man as its president, Kim Jong-Il is only head of the party and head of the army. He's not head of the state. That office belongs to his deceased father, Kim Il-Sung. It's a necrocracy, a thanatocracy. It's one short of a trinity I might add. The son is the reincarnation of the father. It is the most revolting and utter and absolute and heartless tyranny the human species has ever evolved. But at least you can fucking die and leave North Korea!

Christopher Hitchens

No matter how much we try to keep things in order, life seems determined to scatter Legos under our bare feet.

Sammy Rhodes

After that I went home and Sally put what was left of me to bed; next day, being a Christian family, we saluted the happy morn with the Hell and Hades of a row because I wouldn't get up and go to early service, my sister being quite determined that even if I didn't get up. I shouldn't sleep.

Dion Fortune

Live life to the fullest or foolest.

Mac Canoza

Growing up I sometimes imagined that for Christ's return perhaps He would appear as 'Black Jesus' to white people and 'White Jesus' to black people just to screw with the racists.

Criss Jami

Success starts with a Vision

Deborah Elum

There are as many kinds of anger as there are of the sunsets with which they ought to end

George MacDonald

Besides, we were fifteen, and we couldn't get our feelings to match up with our brains. So we went with our feelings.

Karen Swallow Prior

I've heard of such a legend!' I gasped. 'A child descended from a union between Christ and Mary Magda

Mark Gatiss

We have our own language. Christianese... We don't say 'He's out of his mind,' no, we say 'That's our youth pastor.

Tim Hawkins

The good Christian should beware of mathematicians. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell.

Augustine of Hippo

Even the ugliest person's cellulite is more attractive than the most beautiful supermodel's lower intestine.' I'd put that on a T-shirt but probably Mark Twain already said it.

Jenny Lawson

Smiling is definitely one of the best beauty remedies. If you have a good sense of humor and a good approach to life, that’s beautiful.

Rashida Jones

If you can't handle me with a messy bun, then you don't deserve me with a fabulous blowout.

J.K. Wood

The greatest ugliness in the world is seeing so beautiful a creature spoil themselves on stupidity.

Michelle Franklin

A word Gorgeous is much sexier than a word Beautiful

Rahul

I realized with horror that I'd left my thesaurus in English class, and so wouldn't be able to describe their beauty in suitably poetic terms, but let me tell you, they were smokin' hot and no bullshit.

Stephfordy Mayo

Beauty may catch the eye, but a jolly laugh will lasso the heart.

Richelle E. Goodrich

Brother, when beauty falls into your hand, you hold on to it while you can. You could be dead tomorrow.Well, that’s... inspiring.

Nora Roberts

I have a thing for evil bald bad guys. The Kurgan is too sexy.

Ernest Cline

Mia: I was sixteen when I first realized my mom was more concerned about my appearance than I was… I’ll be talking to my mom and realize she hasn’t heard a word because she’s studying my face to see if the foundation I’m using is a good match for my skin tone.

Mia Fontaine

How I should despise such a thing if I were a man. What a nose she has! what a chin! what a neck! Then her eyes--and the worst kissing lips in the universe.

John Vanbrugh

Even men of the noblest possible moral character are extremely susceptible to the influence of the physical charms of others. Modern, no less then Ancient History, supplies us with many most painful examples of what I refer to. If it were not so, indeed, History would be quite unreadable.

Oscar Wilde

BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

Ambrose Bierce

Long hair will make thee look dreafully to thine enemies, and manly to thyfriends: it is, in peace, an ornament; in war, a strong helmet; it...deadens the leaden thump of a bullet: in winter, it is a warm nightcap; in summer,a cooling fan of feathers.

Thomas Dekker

I snorted "oh, beauty. What's that good for?"Mary stared, her eyes round."It won you the prince, did it not?"I snorted again, I prefer to think that he was captivated by my charming personality." I giggled to let Mary know I was trying to make fun of myself.

Margaret Peterson Haddix

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Humor Quotes - Page 123

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