Humor Quotes - Page 117

I’d prefer silence and random jokes about the passing billboards and scenery, but I know how he likes music. I just hope he doesn’t start singing.

C.B. Cook

It is a second-generation Seattle-scene record label; all of its artists are young people who came to Seattle after they graduated college in search of the legendary Seattle music scene and discovered that it didn't really exist--it was just a couple of dozen guys who sat around playing guitar in one another's basements--and so who were basically forced to choose between going home in ignominy or fabricating the Seattle Music scene of their imagination from whole cloth. This led to the establishment of any number of small clubs, and the foundation of many bands, that were not rooted in any kind of authentic reality whatsoever but merely reflected the dreams and aspiration of pan-global young adults who had flocked to Seattle on the same chimera hunt.

Neal Stephenson

You're not going to hear me singing songs about Wall Street because I don't know anything about that.

I’m not sorry it stopped. [on Lady Gaga’s ”Poker Face”]

While my body might say, "I'm small and vulnerable," my hair warns, "DON'T MESS WITH ME.

Lindsey Stirling

I just don't— Ronan. My ears are bleeding!"Ronan turned down the music.

Maggie Stiefvater

After we hung up, I took the joint. If I was going to die here, in the creepy basement out of a horror movie, in an epic snowstorm that was like an icy prison, with a wife unwilling to pretend-like Bananarama to maybe save her husband's life, I should at least go out with a smile on my face.

Eric Spitznagel

Got it!" Mike announced. The GE record player slowly whirred to life, creaky as an old carousel."Nice," John said, raising a beer in salute. "What'd you do?""It wasn't on," Mike said.

Eric Spitznagel

We are taught to think ourselves ugly. Eyes are an assaulted sense. We are taught to behave by spankings and whippings. Touch is an assaulted sense. We are taught we should not smell, or we smell wrong. Smell is an assaulted sense. We listen to songs that call us 'hos and tell us how to give blow jobs. Hearing is an assaulted sense. Taste, not so much.

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.

What is Lisztomania, and how was it cured? Who was Drog, and what was his prophecy regarding Electronic Music? What preparation do you need before throwing an artistic tantrum? Which orchestral musicians are also qualified to run a hospital?The plausible answers to these and many other tantalising questions can be found in this wickedly funny – and occasionally just wicked – book.

Patrick Brislan

… A wonderful collection of truths, and almost all are inconvenient’.‘… Something here to offend everyone’.‘… Everything from burlesque to parody, and with a sprinkling of serious commentary to confound the believers’.In the interest of balance however, here are some quotes from reviews which might have been written by others less inclined to view Heresies favorably. Again, I have undertaken this task on their behalf:“…a random assortment of schoolboy jokes. Possibly enjoyable for those who like juvenile humour – assuming they find it funny at all.”“The attempts at serious commentary are laughable, while the so-called heretical viewpoints are the unfunny fancies of a feeble mind.”“… Betrays an underlying resentment – disguised as ‘heresy’ – of those of eminence and achievement in music’s historical record.”Hmm. Can they all be right?

Patrick Brislan

I do not believe in decent women who do not know how to play the piano.

Gabriel García Márquez

Nobody loves me but mama, and she may be jivin too.

B.B. King

You know when I'm down to my socks it's time for businessThat's why they're called business socksIt's business, it's business time

Flight of the Conchords

Emblematic of this era was the prolific Viennese surgeon Theodor Billroth. Born in 1821, Billroth studied music and surgery with almost equal verve. (The professions still often go hand in hand. Both push manual skill to its limit; both mature with practice and age; both depend on immediacy, precision, and opposable thumbs.)

Siddhartha Mukherjee

Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?I didn't think it polite to listen, sir.

On the Rolling Stones - You will walk out of the Amphitheatre after watching the Stones perform and suddenly the Chicago stockyards smell clean and good by comparison.

Tom Fitzpatrick

I cringed as the band oozed into the next chord. If notes were cars, I think there was a D major under the wreckage.

My loathings are simple. stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music.

Vladimir Nabokov

Disco's are tricky. You look a total wally if you dance too early but after one crucial song tips the disco over, you look a sad saddo if you don't.

Music

I like the smell of my Grandma's soap - I used to sit in the bath and eat it.

Look, dude, you've sampled your life, mixed those sounds with a funk precedent, and established a sixteen-bar system of government for the entire rhythm nation. Set the Dj up as the executive, the legislative, and judicial branches. I mean, after listening to your beat, anything I've heard on the pop radio in the last five years feels like a violation of my civil rights.

The Little Drummer Boy" was playing in the background for what seemed like the third time in a row. I fought off an urge to beat that Little Drummer Boy seneless with his own drumsticks.

But had I accepted the pickle juice, I would be drinking pickle juice right now.

Why don't you find out for yourself?Then you'll see the glass, hidden in the grass.

Morrissey

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.

The verse is supposed to get you hard so the chorus can suck you off.

M. Thomas Gammarino

Yet, for my part, I was never usually squeamish; I could sometimes eat a fried rat with a good relish, if it were necessary. I am glad to have drunk water so long, for the same reason that I prefer the natural sky to an opium-eater’s heaven. I would fain keep sober always; and there are infinite degrees of drunkenness. I believe that water is the only drink for a wise man; wine is not so noble a liquor; and think of dashing the hopes of a morning with a cup of warm coffee, or of an evening with a dish of tea! Ah, how low I fail when I am tempted by them! Even music may be intoxicating. Such apparently slight causes destroyed Greece and Rome, and will destroy England and America. Of all ebriosity, who does not prefer to be intoxicated by the air he breathes?

Henry David Thoreau

Diazapam (that's valium), temazepam, lithium, ECT, HRT - how long must I stay on this stuff? Don't give me anymore!

Morrissey

The tune was wailing and mournful, almost flagrantly so, and the total effect was of a heartbroken piccolo being parted forever from its bagpipe lover.

I will protect you," she promised the Bosendorfer inside. "I won't let you down."Sophie gave her a quizzical look."Bastards better not hurt my piano," Miranda replied."That's what you're worried about right now? What about your boyfriend?

Because ENOUGH is TOO MUCH!And look around ...can you blame us?!

Morrissey

Music and comedy are so linked. The rhythm of comedy is connected to the rhythm of music. They’re both about creating tension and knowing when to let it go. I’m always surprised when somebody funny is not musical.

We hate it when our friends become successful.

Morrissey

Life is a pigsty.

Morrissey

Sometimes I am two people. Johnny is the nice one. Cash causes all the trouble. They fight.

They said they respect me, which means, their judgment is crazy.

Morrissey

On that same tour we ran into a band at Aylesbury Friars, a biggish venue in Oxfordshire, England. They were a four-piece from Ireland called U2. They seemed like nice fellows and they sounded pretty good, but we didn’t keep in touch. They’re probably taxi drivers and accountants by now.

Hold on to your friends.Resist - or move onBe mad, be rashSmoke and explodeSell all of your clothesJust bear in mind:There just might come a timeWhen you need some friends

Morrissey

Who can fail to mist at Fergie's anthem, 'My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps.' Hmmm. 'My lunch, my lunch, I swear it's coming up.

Celia Rivenbark

If you talk bad about country music, it's like saying bad things about my momma. Them's fightin' words

Songwriting is a bitch. And then it has puppies

When you sleepI will creepInto your thoughtsLike a bad debtThat you can't payTake the easy wayand give in!

Morrissey

I used to dream, and I used to vow;I wouldn't dream of it now.

Morrissey

Satan rejected my soul; as low as he goes,he never quite goes this low.

Morrissey

Even now - in the final hour of my life -I'm falling in love again.

Morrissey

You say: 'Oh, please forgive'You say: 'Oh, live and let live.'But sorry doesn't help us.Sorry will not save us.Sorry is just a word you find so easy to say (so you say it anyway).Sorry doesn't help us.Sorry won't protect us.Sorry won't undo all the good gone wrong.

Morrissey

There's a club, if you'd like to goYou could meet somebody who really loves you.'So you go, and you stand on your ownAnd you leave on your ownAnd you go home, and you cryAnd you want to die.

Morrissey

I have forgiven Jesus for all of the love he placed in me, when there's no one I can turn to with this love.

Morrissey

This world, I am afraid, is designed for crashing bores.

Morrissey

You made me feel less alone;you made me feel not quite sodeformed, uninformed and hunchbacked.

Morrissey

Mr. Mancini had a singular talent for making me uncomfortable. He forced me to consider things I’d rather not think about – the sex of my guitar, for instance. If I honestly wanted to put my hands on a woman, would that automatically mean I could play? Gretchen’s teacher never told her to think of her piano as a boy. Neither did Lisa’s flute teacher, though in that case the analogy was obvious. On the off chance that sexual desire was all it took, I steered clear of Lisa’s instrument, fearing that I might be labeled a prodigy.

These tears I'm wailing,I spill not without reason.Remove them, my dearest love.Take me to the place I've been dreaming of,where the grotesquely lonely meet the grotesquely lonelyand they whisper,just very softly,Please be mine, Dearest Love.

Morrissey

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar.

Morrissey

Because you wear a uniform, a smelly uniform...and so you think you can be rude to me.

Morrissey

Even I, as sick as I am, I would never be you. Even I, sick and depraved, a traveler to the grave, I would never be you.

Morrissey

You don't like me, but you love me; either way, you're wrong.

Morrissey

When you stick a song on a tape, you set it free.

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