Humor Quotes - Page 113

That is when you know you have reached the point of no return, when you began to stalk a ghost.

Clearing his throat “It is very improper for a lady to open the door, to a person of the opposite sex in her… sleeping attire.”“Improper? I look like I am wearing a rug,” I exclaimed, as I motioned at the calf-length thick red fabric; that I was wearing with wide shoulder straps. “Secondly, I don’t see you as human, let alone a man. You are more like a homicidal invention, of my hormonal teenage nightmare; which I can’t seem to be able to awake from.

S.R. Gibbs

Rachel opened her mouth to respond, but the head cut her off.

Brandon Mull

She was murdered by rebels.' He took in her unconcealed look of shock. 'So there you go. Something for you to celebrate.' Magnus turned away from her, ready to find solace in his chambers, but the princess grabbed his arm to stop him. He sent a dark look at her over his shoulder. 'I would never celebrate death, no matter whose it is,' she said, her gaze filled with anger and something else. Something that looked vaguely like sympathy. 'Come now, I'm sure you wouldn't mourn any Damora.' 'I know very well what it's like to lose a parent in a tragic way.' 'Oh, yes, we have so much in common. Maybe we should get married.

Morgan Rhodes

You’re not doing a good job of selling me this dumb fantasy. I’m not climbing into the back of your van if I have to be Robin. I’m Batman. That’s how these things work.

John Kerry

Walking alongside his apprentice’s horse, Sethil Longmere, magus of the Third Circle, Magi Master of Dormir’s army, and a man who had seen more years than most men could count, did his best to keep his apprentice Rousche from falling off his gelding. The dun horse had a sure foot and a good temper, but it seemed unlikely the animal was used to a grown man lying face first in its mane, legs sprawled behind, dangling with each step.

Clifton Hill

The Decision...I wiped my hands on my pinaforenow sullied and stainednot crisp or pressedas it had been before...

Muse

Calico KittyMy calico kittywas painted and primedshe could prowlthe night away ~without spending a dime...

Muse

Oooo wee! You see that chump go flying? Look’eah, nothing like charred demon to make a brotha feel right. - Calvin Freeman (Sineaters‬:Devotion Book One)

Kai Leakes

He turned his gaze upon her, and their eyes not only met, the pupils shook hands, exchanged business cards, and sat down for tea together.

John Moore

it was like staring at a whitewashed wall, but without all the emotion

Joe Abercrombie

Wynter's Pass was a picturesque region in the north of Vohlfhein, where the Bleak Hills eventually collapsed into the Frozen Sea. From the back of Mr. Buckles, who had been on a slow trot since sunrise, Monch watched the light glisten off of the frozen branches of the evergreens. As the sun warmed the frozen ground, sending the evening's frost into retreat, Monch absorbed the splendor of it all and wondered how expensive the local real estate must be around here. He then contemplated attempting to find an agent that would represent his interests well."This land is such a spectacular wonder," the Lion of Ahriman declared. "It would be very much sought after if they could just do something about the bears, the White Orts, the wolves, the bloodthirsty cannibals, the snow manapés, the frost wizards, the northern bandit gangs, the dire lynxes, the similarly sounding but not related pygmy bloodthirsty cannibals, the demon possessed yaks, the dead-soul animated trees, the..." Monch paused for a moment."It just occurred to me that this land is really not safe at all. It seems almost everything in it wants to kill me," the Templar admitted.

D.F. Monk

Don't threaten me with a good time.

Michael Anthony

Fair enough…No inhaling battery acid,” I smirk. “We can’t breathe batteryacid, can we?

M.A. George

I could not recall the last time I had been so flagrantly insulted.Don't make enemies, I told myself.Swallow your pride.Hold your tongue.But the fact was, I had real difficulty with those particular virtues.

Jen Crane

The Evasive Cartwheel ™ © etc., Bartimaeus of Uruk, circa. 2800 B.C.E. Often imitated, never surpassed. As famously memorialized in the New Kingdom tomb paintings of Ramses III— you can just see me in the background of The Dedication of the Royal Family before Ra, wheeling out of sight behind the pharaoh.

Jonathan Stroud

Monch was on no simple retreat. The journey he had plotted for himself was much longer, and took him many buckets away from Appollon to Angarr's Sorrow, the land of fetid bogs in southeastern Sarthiss. This was a world far away from everything he knew... from everyone he knew. Granted, the list of people he knew was exceptionally short, especially since Monch was horrible with names and only slightly less horrible with faces. Regardless, he did not wish to accidentally advertise his inexperience to anyone he might possibly know, which is why he travelled so far afield.There were ruins in the swamps, ruins hidden under years of neglect and heavy with decay. Things lurked in those ruins, inhuman beasts with forbidden hungers. He intended to use the dangers of the swamps as the whetstone that would hone his abilities to a razor-keen edge. Monch would test his blade against and come back all the stronger......or dead.No... that wasn't right. Given the fact that he was immortal, death really wasn't an option. So then, he would come back stronger......or something something horrible. Monch decided to fill in those particular details later on, when he had time to ponder his autobiography at length. He would tidy up that particular idiom later.

D.F. Monk

Just as foreplay is the key to good sex, preparation is essential to achieving victory in battle. Right, lieutenant?

Natalia Marx

The world is Absolutely Brilliant. Difficult sometimes. Confusing often. But humorous almost always.

Henry L. Walton

Why Is It That When You Wash Two Socks You Only End Up With One? Is There Life After Death? and Where Did The Other Sock Go?

Margaret Weis

When I dreamed about becoming a fantasy adventurer, I was always a max-level character with epic gear. Look at me. I’m wearing vendor trash.

Noelle Alladania Meade

Jax scratched his head, grinning. “Hey – is that a cannon of epic proportions, or is it just happy to see us?”“Cannon,” the brass skull clicked. It lowered itself to the ground, swiveling down into the snow. “Cover your ears and get down.

Matt Banach

Anyway, it’s unthinkable! Dragons and knights are born enemies. They need to be enemies just like dogs hate cats, cats hate mice and mice hate scientists. Without somebody to hate where would all the hate go? The hate would just boil up inside you, eat away and cause you to have indigestion then a heart attack. We need to release the anger, and we release it on dragons who release it back on us. We slay them and they roast us. It is the natural order of things, Emma.

Elias Zapple

From the moment any of us utter our first goo-goo's and ga-ga's, we are as good as gone. At that precise instant, any possibility that It will ever arise in us is irrevocably crushed. If any proof is needed, consider how immune to strong emotion our society has grown. At your next visit to the local funeral parlor, glance at the mourners, who can more properly be defined as spectators. Notice how they smell, how well-dressed and dignified they are. This is because viewing the dead has become overwhelmingly acceptable as a social function. Yes, even the corpse is part of the festivities, lying there as the guest of honor, laid out in his best clothes, pumped full of chemicals and smeared with make-up as the patrons file by and nurse their long buried consciences with silk handkerchiefs.

Donald Jeffries

You are more than likely thinking by now that all of this sounds somewhat fanciful, perhaps over the top, all too complicated and even perhaps at times chaotic. It may seem so at first glance, but life here is a complex and intriguing happening, with never a dull moment to be had. And why should it not be so? “Death” as you have named it, is not the end of life. It is to us a birth back here once again to our side, to our true home. So it is a rebirth in a sense.

Natasha Rendell

There exists a microscopic breed of brain beetle, commonly known as an ‘idea’. An idea desires only one thing: To catch the perfect brain wave.

Leah Broadby

Nothing good can come from a crack of dawn meeting on a Monday morning.

Kathy Bryson - Fighting Mad

It was easy to imagine he’d just rolled out of bed and then it was easy to imagine him in bed and I wasn’t going there.

Kathy Bryson

Ours was not one of those nice, quaintly old-fashioned mobile homes that senior citizens putter around in. We lived in the beat-up tin can of clichéd poverty.

Kathy Bryson

Take some advice from an old farmer. You’re in business now. Take the money. You’d be amazed at how many don’t want to pay.

Kathy Bryson

I realized that I sat in an empty bar in filthy, wet clothes with a drippy nose, probably red-rimmed eyes, and the most I could say I’d accomplished was that I was now congested. Oh, and one of the handsomest, nicest men I’d ever met cradled my face in warm, caressing hands with soft, sympathy in his brown eyes.

Kathy Bryson

Don’t know what I’m talking about? Don’t know what I’m talking about!” My shout hit notes that normally only Wagnerian sopranos can reach. “You think you’re a freaking leprechaun, but I don’t know what I’m talking about?

Kathy Bryson

No, really,” she said. “We get it. Sometimes the guy just makes you crazy, even if you do love him.

Kathy Bryson

You could have agreed to disagree,” Megan argued. “Then you could kiss and make up. That could be fun.

Kathy Bryson

A country road, a gravel road, is a sign of civilization, sure, but it’s just a farm, an easy conquest. Iron means a stronghold, people who can defend what’s theirs.

Kathy Bryson

You can’t have it both ways. Either I’m Irish and can talk, or I’m a man and I can’t.

Kathy Bryson

Mr. Jennings is the one who trapped the fairies here to begin with. If they’re back and wandering around, if they’re loose, then, well, it’s not good.

Kathy Bryson

That’s not Eire. Everyone always thinks that, but we’re not shamrocks and wee men. You should know the difference.

Kathy Bryson

Murphy didn’t appear to notice my chagrin, but instead pulled up the hem of his long-sleeved tee to wipe at his face. Since he flashed his sculpted abdominals right at me, I grew hot and flushed. I mean, you could see every dip and curve, including the ones on either hip that made a V to lead the eye to the fly of his jeans.

Kathy Bryson

Everyone helping out was supposed to make me feel better, but it actually made me feel more like a screw up.

Kathy Bryson

The older lady smiled a friendly welcome that rivaled her preserves for sweet appeal. She could have been someone’s grandmother complete with close-cropped white hair if she wasn’t wearing a worn Grateful Dead T-shirt over a long-sleeved thermal. The 1987 Summer Tour.

Kathy Bryson

Now, where had I heard drinking and brawling before? Oh right, Ashley’s father. Well, I wasn’t doing that again.

Kathy Bryson

That was one tiny trailer when both girls wanted to watch TV or use the computer or the bathroom at the same time.

Kathy Bryson

I heard ‘naked’ and ‘full of hot air.’ I try not to let that be my first impression of anyone.

Kathy Bryson

I am always a perfect gentleman. If you ever want me to not be a perfect gentlemen, you’ll have to ask and not be crying when you do.

Kathy Bryson

You are never to drive like that,” I told them. “Even if you are ever wealthy enough to own a Jaguar.

Kathy Bryson

How would we get corporate sponsorship if we were just a bunch of thugs?

Kathy Bryson

I love the man,” Megan said as she took a seat, “but honestly he needs to learn when not to agree with me.

Kathy Bryson

That’s the problem! She doesn’t say anything. She just stares at me like she’s hypnotized, like she thinks I’m a god, but then she runs off squeaking if I try to talk to her.”“I don’t squeak,” I protested. “Maybe she’s not looking at you like you’re a god. Maybe she thinks you’re more of a freak,” Fergus mused.“I’m not a freak.” Murphy jerked his head as if dodging a fly or tossing his hair. “It’s definitely a ‘you’re a god’ look. She practically drools.

Kathy Bryson

I’m an ass,” the voice on the phone said. “A complete and total ass.

Kathy Bryson

It was a sign of how worried and confused I was that I wasn’t completely distracted by the sight of his powerful thighs flexed in front of me.

Kathy Bryson

Leprechauns are not twee beings dreamed up by the tourist board, but warriors of legend. That name comes from the Celtic god of commerce and war, Lugh. Their mission, their life’s work, is to protect the gold. What better way to hide it than to become a joke, a story nobody takes seriously?

Kathy Bryson

Jinx, I know you just lost your grandfather, but you straighten out your tone right now or I will smack you one!

Kathy Bryson

Ah, that’s just sean nós singing and dancing. Something to do around the pub of an evening.

Kathy Bryson

Amelia envisaged that between York and the royal-infested Scottish Highlands there was a grimy wasteland of derelict cranes and abandoned mills and betrayed, yet still staunch, people. Oh and moorland, of course, vast tracts of brooding landscape under lowering skies, and across this heath strode brooding, lowering men intent on reaching their ancestral houses, where they were going to fling open doors and castigate orphaned yet resolute governesses. Or — preferably — the brooding, lowering men were on horseback, black horses with huge muscled haunches, glistening with sweat —

Kate Atkinson

The day the Dragon chooses a male virgin instead of a female as his yearly sacrifice, the entire kingdom erupts into mass protests and anger.

Mads Sukalikar

He gives new meaning to the word bombed.

Lee Davidson

My memories came back like a punch in the face. Only good.

Lee Davidson

You really are Captain Oblivious.

Lee Davidson

It's like a jolt of electric, but worse.

Lee Davidson

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Humor Quotes - Page 113

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