Humor Quotes - Page 110

Avoid the stage of old age sit in the audience, it's all the rage

Benny Bellamacina

I'll take risk on what I do on my life . Just mind your own business .

azlnrdzi

Instead of playing Draw Something, fucking draw something

Without a sense of humor, you don't have much sense at all.

Pen

Never trust a fiction author. They spend countless hours making you believe in a world they created. They are among the best, most dedicated liars in the world.

Pause while reading a book only in case of two things:1. To kiss2. To sip coffeeToo bad both are a luxury.

Always think in circles to get your ideas around

Benny Bellamacina

Why would you come to Italy to see Spanish steps? That's like going to China for Mexican food, isn't it?

I mean, I can understand not being as pricey as Percy or Jason, maybe... but am I worth, like, two Franks, or three Franks?

[An example of misattribution:]If you don’t know the source of a quote,you can always make it sound better by attributing it to me.— Mark Twain

I'm considering writing a self-help book and giving people 20 cents to read it. This way, I can be sure they all get new paradigms.

Never give up hope! If you do, you be dead already.

Rose in The Inspired Caregiver

If all it takes to motivate you is a quote then this quote has nothing to say – except to go soar with the freakin’ eagles.

Part of my soul goes into each quote I write. A book of my quotes can be yours for just $19.99.

Quotes are echos of voices transporting wisdom, humor, and love. Returning again to the human condition, fleeting once more as a dove.

I get this buzz every time I'm quoted online. The ego high... yes... but also a Google Alert.

Jack, be nimble, Jack, be quickJill's a little whore and her alibis are dirty tricks

Searching through Monster.com while on the clock feels like being on Tinder while still married.

The truth is, I feel myself being fascinated and repelled by her: She's both a mirror of myself and a door to part of this island that I'm not.

Maggie Stiefvater

When it gets down to having to use violence, then you are playing the system’s game. The establishment will irritate you – pull your beard, flick your face – to make you fight. Because once they’ve got you violent, then they know how to handle you. The only thing they don’t know how to handle is non-violence and humor.

I don't eat food, I eat fat.

Never let anyone use your toothbrush or your pen. -Author Wllm Worth

Welhewan is charming us,' Sasha says in an unsure voice. 'It is trying to soothe us with its lullaby. Do not let yourself . . . Oh, a butterfly. Look how beautiful it is! No, don't look. The forest is making us happy, and we cannot let it.

He’d reached that perilous stage of being drunk enough to think himself a good dancer… but was dangerously close in tipping over to the point where he’d act like an arse

Love is worth dying for, said the spermatozoid.

Ljupka Cvetanova

Some people stride toward a better future. Others have chauffeurs.

Ljupka Cvetanova

He has his head in the clouds. He must live in a skyscraper.

Ljupka Cvetanova

His boat sank. They were all on his side.

Ljupka Cvetanova

In his life there was only one woman. The other one.

Ljupka Cvetanova

They were all on his side. Hi boat sank.

Ljupka Cvetanova

I watched you undress. Shame on you!

Ljupka Cvetanova

While the man is putting on it's shoes, the woman can buy dozens of high heels.

Ljupka Cvetanova

Just fuck me up.A caffeine-addict placing an order with the barista.

Just remember, we're all in this alone.

Simple minded people do things like gossip, lie, spread rumors, and cause troubles. But, I know you're more intelligent.

Amaka Imani Nkosazana

Our parents are the coolest parents ever. No other generation went on from writing letters to their own parents to sending snapchats to their own kids.

Sharad Vivek Sagar

If really god is there, then God created us.If really god is not there, then we created God(Our creativity).

Madhu Kiran (Software Engg)

One day, we will live in a world without salads. It is a dream I have.

Carl ''Cal'' Tuohey

The world is drowning in weirdness and lies......and here we are, so used to it that we're actually bored!

I was just teasing," I say. "I myself don't like to eat plain butter, but hey, it's a free world.

He kissed the corner of her lips before whispering by her ear, “And that was just my hand, love.

Michelle M. Pillow

He’s not wearing…” Charlotte began.“I know. He doesn’t,” Lydia answered.

Michelle M. Pillow

Ya were going to turn me into a rat? Had I known that I wouldn’t have tried to turn ya into a snake.

Michelle M. Pillow

Do not pay attention to my cousins. Every family needs a couple idiots and we keep them around for entertainment.

Michelle M. Pillow

Lydia had been fantasizing about him to the point she nearly drove him insane with it. It had taken four days for his energy to weaken inside her enough that he could go and visit her without fear she would throw him across the town in a gust of wind, and thus cause a scene. Although, getting run out of town after one day would be a new MacGregor record.

Michelle M. Pillow

There ya are.” Erik grinned at her as he came bounding down the steps two at a time. He stepped around his statue of a sister as if such a thing were normal. Perhaps here it was. He paused, nodding at Malina. “Morning, banshee.” He gave a small brotherly laugh and poked his thumb toward her face. “She does kind of look like a banshee with her hair flying around like that and her mouth all open. Yeah, ma froze her good. See how her eyes don’t move?” Erik leaned closer to her and grinned as he looked into her mouth. “Ha, Euann put a mint in there.

Michelle M. Pillow

Ly-di-ah! I sit beneath your window, laaaass, singing ’cause I loooove your a—”“For the love of St. Francis of Assisi, someone call a vet. There is an injured animal screaming in pain outside,” Charlotte interrupted the flow of music in ill-humor.

Michelle M. Pillow

A stóirín, ya are a handful of trouble, but I kind of like it.

Michelle M. Pillow

But in this case,” he continues, tracing the line of the plasterwork with one finger, “I feel that there is one cliché that sums up my position so admirably that it would be pure egotism to attempt a more interesting periphrasis. Plain speaking, therefore, there is to be.“There is undoubtedly a strong possibility, notwithstanding the vagaries of contingency and misfortune, that my son mighthave fallen—or might, we could say, have voluntarily jumped, in accordance with the ethical codes with which he has been brought up—for a play you have made with some success, although, as I am persuaded you would concede, very little originality.”Plain speaking if you’re Henry James, perhaps.

Immortality is the new twenty!

Erin Fall Haskell

Unless you're in an early seventies-era Eagles cover band, a founding member of a religious cult, or sleeping under a bridge in Seattle, lose the beard and get a haircut. Power doesn't have time for any form of hirsute hipster self expression.

Ari Gold

If I have a spreadsheet that can, whatever, turn soup cans into gold, wouldn't I deserve an office?

I have never been able to understand how men can feel affection for individuals who are intent on massacring them in a variety of unpleasant ways, but it is an undeniable fact that they can and do. Witness the immortal verse of Mr. Kipling: "So 'ere's to you, Fuzzy-Wuzzy, at your 'home in the Soudan; You're a pore benighted 'eathen but a first-class fightin' man!" One can only accept this as another example of the peculiar emotional aberrations of the male sex.

Elizabeth Peters

There are times when your body takes control. Times when the gazelle says, ‘Fuck you, lioness,’ and delivers the biggest kick of its whole gazelley life.

You've got some power," Jakkin said. "One hug—and the lights go out!

Do I look like I want to be eaten alive after sex?

The people who must never have power are the humorless. To impossible certainties of rectitude they ally tedium and uniformity.

Christopher Hitchens

I don’t want to be your snack, your chew-toy, your fuck-buddy. Find a vampire to sink your fang into.

You’re an English major, aren't you?” “Hey!” Immediately retreating, Keith swatted at him with a dishcloth. “Leave my brain alone. It’s resting.” “Sorry, sorry.” He leaned away, hands up to display his surrender. “I didn't mean it, I take it back.” “You’d better

Matthew Haldeman-Time

DETOX your mind, body, AND your contact list.

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