Humor Quote Quotes

My mother-in-law belongs in Hell, but the devil is afraid she’ll end up taking over.

Matshona Dhliwayo

I like to go to Starbucks and watch the intellectuals. I observe them and their intellectualness. They in turn observe me drinking coffee and being a creeper.

She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Women are heavyweight boxers; only, they punch with words, not fists.

Matshona Dhliwayo

A mother’s eyes are like God; impossible to get away from, they see everything.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Ask your wife for forgiveness, even when you’re right.

Matshona Dhliwayo

The easiest way to be the prettiest girl at a party is to rig the guest list.

Matshona Dhliwayo

If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Boys are raw materials that women manufacture into products called men.

Matshona Dhliwayo

I enjoy self-publishing & sending publishers rejection letters. They're like, 'Who is this guy?' And I'm like, 'the end of your industry.

I surround myself with books when I write, thus surrounding myself with writers... only they don't critique me and then get up for coffee.

To be reborned many times over, you must unleash the power of inertia. But must you go out every time and reach for your highest potential?

I love that there's no cutoff where we get labeled and sent off to a home for hopeless, cranky, depressives. Every day is a new chance to listen longer and be braver and love more. We get to try again and again and again.

I'm friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I'm 1 degree away from 212 degrees.

An angry wife can be more frightening than an army of disgruntled soldiers.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Humor is a tool to ease the harsh realities of life.

Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.

Matshona Dhliwayo

The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Be calm on your wedding day; she won’t kill you in front of a hundred people, no matter what you've done.

Matshona Dhliwayo

The easiest way to remember your future wife’s birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday.

Matshona Dhliwayo

If men could be bought like clothes at an outlet, only then would women always get what they bargained for.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Falling in love with someone is intentional, even if it was their looks that tripped you.

Matshona Dhliwayo

There is nothing wrong with being a puppet if love is the one pulling the strings.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Your wife is smarter than you; know this, and you will live happily ever after.

Matshona Dhliwayo

An inch to a man’s heart is a mile to his wallet.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Get high on love, not drugs.

Matshona Dhliwayo

The world’s most lethal venom is not found on the tongues of serpents, but on the tongues of a disgruntled wife.

Matshona Dhliwayo

A professional headshot in front of a bookshelf says you're an intellectual. A professional headshot peeking though a bookshelf says you're probably under a restraining order.