Funny Quotes - Page 9

So you’re her brother?” says Lynn. “I guess we know who got the good genes.”I laugh at the expression on Caleb’s face, his mouth drawn into a slight pucker and his eyes wide.

Veronica Roth

Sire," Oliver said as he helped Petunia to her feet, "I'd like to marry Petunia. "Of course you would," retorted the King Gregor. "But not right now! we just got those two taken care of." He pointed to the twins who were still trying to play Christian's odd game. "And weddings are expensive!

Jessica Day George

Hey,' he said, touching my waist. 'Hey. It's okay.' I nodded and wiped my face with the back of my hand. 'He sucks.' I nodded again. 'I'll write you an epilogue,' Gus said. That made me cry harder. 'I will,' he said. 'I will. Better than any sh*t that drunk could write. His brain is Swiss cheese. He doesn't even remember writing the book. I can write ten times the story that guy can. There will be blood and guts and sacrifice. An Imperial Affliction meets The Prince of Dawn. You'll love it.' I kept nodding, faking a smile, and then he hugged me, his strong arms pulling me into his muscular chest, and I sogged up his polo shirt a little but then recovered enough to speak.

John Green

Well," I ask, leaning over him, "do you wish to stay?""I do.""And why is that, Cole?" I say, tipping toward him so that our noses nearly brush."Well," he says with a smile, "the weather's quite nice.

Victoria Schwab

Of course, I'd like to have fake legs. I would dance with a boy and then afterwards pull up my dress to show him my fake legs, just to watch him fall over from the shock of it. I'd do that with a hundred boys until I found the one who got down on his knees and kissed my fake legs. That's how I would know I found the right person

Victor Ladato

And you would know so much about women, locked up in your castle.""Locked up with eight wives. And sometimes I make house calls for my bargainers. There's many a lovely woman desperate enough to bargain with me." This idea had never occurred to me before. "You touch another woman and I'll cut your hands off," I snapped.He looked delighted. "I thought you were afraid of hurting me.

Rosamund Hodge

She rolled over and sat up as he bent, tearing off his boots. "Whatcha doing?""Getting naked.""I like that.

Laurann Dohner

He looked up at her and smiled crookedly, holding out a few sheets of paper. "Will you read this? i think maybe it sucks. or maybe it's awesome. it's probably awesome. Tell me it's awesome,okay? Unless it sucks.

Rainbow Rowell

Okay, you gotta be nice to him, " I say, coaxing the white fur-ball into my hands. "I will," Nate says, and I smile over my shoulder. "I was actually talking to Mr. Pippi. He's a bit of a butthole.

Cassie Mae

Mr. Townsend quirks a brow at the other man, and when our boss walks away he sticks his tongue out to his back. I push my hair over my shoulder and look this man over a bit closer. His dark hair reaches his shoulders and falls in soft waves around his face. He has a strong jaw lined with stubble and high cheekbones under his impossibly dark eyes. His perfect teeth are framed beautifully with full lips and a dark goatee, which only highlight the voluptuous color of his mouth.He’s wearing a dark blue button up shirt that fits loosely around his arms and chest, but the fitted dark jeans show off the chiseled lines of his thighs. He pushes his chair back slightly and stands, extending his large hand toward me. “I’m Reid. Reid Townsend.”He’s tall, about 6’0”, with a smile right out of a toothpaste commercial, and when I take his hand (surely with a stupid look on my face) it’s rough from heavy use. “Nice to meet you. I’m Danielle Delaney,” I reply. “You can call me Dani… Or anything you’d like except DD, um, in high school some people called me Double D’s because of that name and because I have big boobs—” I cut off abruptly with a slightly choked sound, feeling the blood rush over my chest, face and ears. I’ve never blurted something like that before in my life, and I especially have never blurted anything because I’m standing in front of a beautiful guy—I’m the player, not the played.

Allana Kephart

I can eat you at breakfast, not because I am a monster; it is only because you are too cute and yummy.

M.F. Moonzajer

We didn't kiss," I said. Jules cocked an eyebrow. "We brushed lips.

Leila Howland

Kendrick walked over to her purposefully, hauled her up into his arms and gave her a mock frown. "I hunger, wench."Genevieve put her arms around his neck. "Well? What are you going to hunt us for dinner?""I'll slay a few steaks from the freezer.""You're so brave.

Lynn Kurland

Faith is Hope on a treadmill. Love is the reason we stay on.

Solange nicole

Of course, Jules was not a wolf. She was an elephant. But Jules was a very young toy and she had never been to school to learn the difference.

Julie B. Campbell

I think he was especially happy because I used to kiss this boy in the neighborhood a lot when I wasvery little, and even though the psychiatrist said it was very natural for little boys and girls to explorethings like that, I think my father was afraid anyway. I guess that's natural, but I'm not sure why.

Stephen Chbosky

You're back," Sam said, as if he couldn't quite believe it.She lifted her chin, stuffing her hands in her pockets. "Obviously."He tilted his head slightly to the side. "How was the desert?"There wasn't a scratch on him. Of course, her face had healed too but... "Hot," she said. Sam let out a breathy chuckle.

Sarah J Maas

Your pupils are dilated. Does that mean you want to fuck me or eat me? Because I might have a problem with one of those.-Dex to Sloane

Charlie Cochet

He could do with some lunch. Especially since that bastard Sloane gave his Cheesy Doodles away. What kind of guy does that? A bastard, that’s who. Did he not respect the male code of honor—thou shalt not steal another dude’s snacks?--Dex

Charlie Cochet

Hey," she whispered to Malachi. "When are Irin considered adults?"He was following what looked to be a quiet argument between Sari and Mala. "Full adults? Around sixty to seventy-five years. When we're finished with our training. Why?"She flushed. Wow."So, you're quite the cradle robber, aren't you?"Malachi turned to her abruptly. "What? No, I'm not.""I'm not even thirty. That's like... a teenager to you guys."She could see the flush crawl up his neck, even behind the beard. "You're human. You mature differe

Elizabeth Hunter

Didn’t expect to see you here,” Jordan said.My eyes cut to Rachel, and I smiled sweetly. “Obviously. Hey, Rachel. Good to see you aga

S.E. Harmon

You will stay with me. You will sleep here at my side and you will touch me. I am depressed but not when you stroke my chest.

Laurann Dohner

We saw Uncle Jack every Christmas, and every Christmas he yelled across the street for Miss Maudie to come marry him. Miss Mauide would yell back, "Call a little louder, Jack Finch, and they'll hear you the post office, I haven't heard you yet!" Jem and I thought this a strange way to ask for a lady's hand in marriage, but then again Uncle Jack was rather strange.

Harper Lee

No Tyson, the guy in the story did not attract the attention of a moose. Tyson is sad now.

Rick Riordan

I heard Dominic practice Bronagh’s breathing tactics, and I wondered if I’d be taking care of him in the delivery ward as well as her.“I feel like I’m about to pass out.”Yep, I’m definitely going to be looking after him.“Keep breathing, you’ll be fine,” I assured him. “Where’s me sister?”“Why’re you telling Dominic to breathe?’Ryder murmured.“He’s freakin’ out,” I whispered in response making him snicker.

L.A. Casey

You don't have to do this.""I think I do," Julian said. "I remember making a vow to that affect.""Whither thou goest, i will go, whatever stupid thing you do, i shall do also'." Emma said. "Was that the vow?

Cassandra Clare

He looked at the cash siting there "What's that for?" I made myself smile "A good time.

Kasie West

Well, clearly not. Goodness boss, just look at those filthy paws. I’ve never seen any fish carry paws like those. Usually they are cleaner.

H.S. Crow

Seriously, why was it tradition to stand when the bride came in? It blocked her from seeing her groom, who was the only reason she was there in the first place.

K.R. Grace

If one wishes to elicit a reaction from the elusive species known as 'reservus quietgirlius,' one must poke.

Jules Barnard

Is he crazy? No one has ever told me my doodles are good, not that I flash them around or anything. Gen likes them, but she also thinks vampire romances are literature and sings along to 'Islands in the Stream.' Her tastes are dubious. She's not a reliable source.

Jules Barnard

Babe, I hate to break it to you, but you're one messed up mess.""I know!" I exclaimed before breaking off into a fit of laughter. "I ought to be admitted or put on some serious medication or something.

K.R. Grace

I just finished running, and I look and smell like nothing very pleasant. Why, oh, why did he have to bump into me now?

Abigail Owen

She'd read ton of books with female heroines who swooned at the sight of their true love and had thought them to be incredibly wimpy. Now here she stood, barely able to keep herself upright. Not that she was in love...far from it. But a girl could appreciate a bona fide hottie when she saw one, right?

Abigail Owen

Eternity is not a super-abundance of time, but timelessness.

Vijay Balakrishnan

It was the kind of storm that suggests the whole sky has swallowed a diuretic.

Terry Pratchett

The weather wouldn't settle down. It would rain cats and dogs, then stop, then drip awhile, then stop while it made up its mind what to do next.

Glendon Swarthout

How am I supposed to believe you when you're obviously carrying a fake monogram Gucci Bag?

Madi Brown

Yoga pants often answer questions I didn't ask.

Tim Heaton

This advice from a college freshman carrying a cane?""It's a walking stick, I'll have you know.""Same difference.""Hardly. It's fashion.

Danika Stone

I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am!

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Here you are. Would you like some pickles?”“Pickles gives me the wind something awful.”“In that case—”“Oh, I wasn’t saying no,” Mistress Weatherwax said, taking two large pickled cucumbers.

Terry Pratchett

You're not going to answer, are you?" Jaenelle asked after a minute of teeth-grinding silence."No.""Don't you know the answer?""Whether I know the answer or not is beside the point. It's not something a man discusses with a young girl.""But you know the answer."Daemon growled.

Anne Bishop

I circle around them, my sword pointed in their direction. "Hermes Trismegistus. Ostanes the Persian. Olympiodorous of Thebes---" I stop, feeling like an idiot. These necromancers and the ridiculous names they give themselves. They're always trying to outdo one another. "You five," I said instead. "By the authority of King Malcolm of Anglia, I am commanded to arrest you for the crime of witchcraft.

Virginia Boecker

Yeah, Hera was definitely channelling her inner Wicked Witch of the West that day.

Rick Riordan

We really need to find a cure for stupidity, and fast! I've heard it's contagious...No wonder why there's so many of them.

Analiza Micheal

Most people are idiots

Christopher G. Nuttall

For if it is rash to walk into a lion's den unarmed, rash to navigate the Atlantic in a rowing boat, rash to stand on one foot on top of St. Paul's, it is still more rash to go home alone with a poet.

Virginia Woolf

Truly competent Literary Detectives are as rare as truthful men, Mr. Tweed -- you can see her potential as clearly as I can. Frightened of someone stealing your thunder, perhaps?

Jasper Fforde

I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am.

Gustave Eiffel

They say laughter is the best medicine, and I agree. Plus, it’s free, has no bad side effects and is available to EVERYONE.

Mindy Levy

Ian's eyes settled on him, his expression grim. He bypassed everything, coming to a stop in front of the nervous young male. “I want all of your medicines to relieve fever, including liquids and capsules. Plus, I want a thermometer, the best one you have, and make sure it's not rectal.” He narrowed his eyes at the wide-eyed clerk in front of him. “I don't do rectal, and I won't use anything that involves an ass.

Rose Wynters

Orlando had a Pinto, a car that hadn't been in existence for thirty-plus years. He still hadn't figured out why a strong, strapping werewolf would want one. Orlando said it was because he'd customized it. Painted pink with purple stripes, the younger male could often be found cruising up and down the streets of Wolf Town, with his terrible music blaring out of the windows. The car was a ticking time bomb. Already, more than one werewolf had offered to blow it up. Orlando better enjoy it, Connor doubted he would have it for very much longer.

Rose Wynters

The preacher released a pent-up breath as he sagged in relief. “Thank God he's gone.” His eyes narrowed at Alexander as he bit out, “Did you know that man had the nerve to lasso me while I was out in the woods?

Rose Wynters

To truly fail in life is to never try. When you fall on your face, it is an opportunity for you to find the road again. It may remind you how hard the road is, but you will never forget its presence once you make contact.

H.L. Stephens

Mrs. Russell made us both sit down with a glass of milk. "And I have a special treat for you," she said. I'm not lying. She really said that. I held my breath because of the last special treat at the Daughertys', but it didn't help, because when Mrs. Russell came back, she came back with a loaf of banana bread. Banana bread! And James said, "How about we have some jam with that?" and Mrs. Russell said, "Jam? Then you wouldn't be able to taste the bananas," and James said, "Ma, I hate bananas," and she said, "But I'm sure that Doug enjoys them," and I said, "I think I'm still full from lunch, so the milk's fine," and then Mrs. Russell picked up the plate with the banana bread on it, and you might not believe this, but she started to laugh and laugh a d laugh, until Mr. Russell came out to the kitchen to see what was so funny and she showed him the banana bread and he said, "I hate bananas," and we all started to laugh until Mrs. Russell said, "I hate bananas too," and you can imagine us all laughing until we were crying and finally Mrs. Russell took the banana bread outside to break it up for the birds-"Let's hope they like bananas"-and then I showed Mr. Russell Aaron Copland's Autobiography: Manuscript Edition, and he stopped laughing.

Gary D. Schmidt

Oh, girl! He's got a big one,” the fortune teller exclaimed, her dark eyes briefly flickering up to Violet's face before returning back to the cards spread out in front of her. She paused for a moment as she studied them, her pointer finger tapping against her jaw. Finally, she added, “Just like a summer sausage, and I'm not talking about the snack-sized ones. And it's attached to a body that could put Dwayne Johnson to shame. What women could resist a package like that? I'd say the future is definitely going to be bright... at least for you.

Rose Wynters

Real comedy is not when you laugh at an idiot, it's when the idiot laughs at you.

Raheel Farooq

You know very well that I no longer think. I am far too intelligent for that.

Albert Camus

I am not schizoid. A little manic-depressive, maybe.""'Know thyself.'" "We try, sir.

Lois McMaster Bujold

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Funny Quotes - Page 9

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