Funny Quotes - Page 68

Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior.

Why are you wearing a T-shirt under your other T-shirt?" Livvy asked."In case one of them is stolen," Marked said, as it were entirely normal.

Cassandra Clare

Me neither,” Shane put in. “Homie don’t play that.”“I wonder, sometimes, if your generation speaks English at all,” Amelie said.

Rachel Caine

This isn't a Christmas special! This is my life. In the real world, miracles and goodness just don't happen.

Richelle Mead

I guess I can't blame him for feeling bitter. Going from being the terror of Bulgarian nights to a janitor would kinda suck

Kiersten White

What if I was the sexual equivalent of popcorn? Suitable for light snacking only?

Rachel Vincent

I take a sip of my beer, and it's - I mean, it's just astonishingly disgusting. I don't think I was expecting it to taste like ice cream, but holy fucking hell. People lie and get fake IDs and sneak into bars, and for this? I honestly think I'd rather make out with Bieber. The dog. Or Justin.

Becky Albertalli

...you don't care because you're all that and I'm just an artery in a dress.

Jeaniene Frost

I would feel infinitely more comfortable in your presence if you would agree to treat gravity as a law, rather than one of a number of suggested options.

Neil Gaiman

Thou art a very ragged Wart.

William Shakespeare

It's so trendy, almost bleeding to death. All the cool girls are doing it.

Francine Pascal

He flipped himself onto his side and kissed me. "You're so hot," I said, my hand still on his leg. "I'm starting to think you have an amputee fetish," he answered, still kissing me. I laughed."I have an Augustus Waters fetish," I explained.

John Green

I rolled my eyes. “I feel like a zoo animal.”Travis watched me for a moment, noted those staring, and then stood up. “I CAN’T!” he yelled. I stared in awe as the entire room jerked their heads in his direction. Travis bobbed his head a couple of times to a beat in his head.Shepley closed his eyes. “Oh, no.”Travis smiled. “get no….sa…tis…faction,” he sang, “I can’t get no….sat-is-fac-tion. ‘Cuz I’ve tried…and I’ve tried…and I’ve tried…and I’ve tried…,” he climbed onto the table as everyone stared, “I CAN’T GET NO!”He pointed to the football players at the end of the table and they smiled, “I CAN’T GET NO!” they yelled in unison. The whole room clapped to the beat, then.Travis’ sang into his fist, “When I’m drivin’ in my car, and a man comes on the…ra-di-o…he’s tellin’ me more and more…about some useless in-for-ma-tion! Supposed to fire my im-agin-a-tion! I CAN’T GET NO!

Jamie McGuire

The Ultimate Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything is...42!

Douglas Adams

Too bad. Family members hit you by accident. Psychopathic whores tend to come back for more.

Richelle Mead

I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?

Ellen DeGeneres

I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender?

Eoin Colfer

Anthony Bridgerton leaned back in his leather chair,and then announced, "I'm thinking about getting married."Benedict Bridgerton, who had been indulging in a habit his mother detested—tipping his chair drunkenly on the back two legs—fell over.Colin Bridgerton started to choke.Luckily for Colin, Benedict regained his seat with enough time to smack him soundly on the back, sending a green olive sailing across the table.It narrowly missed Anthony's ear.

Julia Quinn

When I was growing up we didn't have a massive house and there were five women running around, so my dad and I had to stick together!

Louis Tomlinson

St. Clair gets a crush on Anna. He's torn between her and Ellie, and he spends so much time running between them that he hardly has time left for Josh. And the more time that Josh spends alone, the more he realizes how alone he actually is. All of his friends will be gone the next year. Josh grows increasingly antagonistic toward school, which makes Rashmi increasingly antagonistic toward him, which makes him increasingly antagonistic toward her. And she's upset because Elie dropped her as a friend, and Meredith is upset because now St. Clair likes two girls who aren't her, and Anna is upset because St. Clair is leading her on, and then St. Clair's mom gets cancer. It's a freaking soap opera.

Stephanie Perkins

Mussolini?” Leo frowned. “Wasn’t he like BFFs with Hitler?

Rick Riordan

The shortest horror story:The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door.

Frederic Brown

Raffin appeared again, a floor above her, on the balconied passageway that ran past his workrooms. He leaned over the railing and called down to her. "Kat!""What is it?""You look lost . Have you forgotten the way to your rooms?""I'm stalling.""How long will you be? I'd like to show you a couple of my new discoveries.""I've been told to make myself pretty for dinner."He grinned. "Well in that case, you'll be ages."His face dissolved into laughter, and she tore a button from one of her bags an hurled it at him. He squealed and dropped to the floor, and the button hit the wall right where he'd been standing. When he peeked back over the railing, she stood in the courtyard with her hands on her hips, grinning. "I missed on purpose," she said."Show off! Come if you have time." He waved, and turned into his rooms.

Kristin Cashore

I love how you still think if you tell me to do something, I'll just check my brain at the door and do it.

C.J. Redwine

What do you think? Does this face make me look fat?

Kiersten White

Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?' Minho asked..."Go ahead," Newt replied.Minho nodded and faced the crowd. 'Be careful,' he said dryly. 'Don't die.'Thomas would have laughed if he could, but he was too scared for it to come out.'Great. We're all bloody inspired,' Newt answered.

James Dashner

You knocked the door down." Disbelief rang in his matter-of-fact tone. "I know," she answered,unable to say anything else. Unable to look away from his body."But it's solid oak.""I know." She felt the solid oak beneath her and a little shocked that she'd done it, too. If it mattered at all, her shoulder felt a little bruised. And it was the slight pain that brought some reality back into the moment. "You don't have any clothes on." Oh, God, did she really say that?

C.C. Hunter

That's your truck parked up by the factory isn't it?" Magnus pointed. "It's awfully butch for a bookseller.

Cassandra Clare

It's funny how different people are. If I'd been this kid and someone was snarling "Ordering a pizza?" at me, without even thinking, I would have snarled back "Yeah. You want pepperoni?"-Maximum Ride

James Patterson

I know I'm delicious. Nummy.....nummy.-Vlad

Jeaniene Frost

Yeah, okay. You're right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steak, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn't tell. In exchange I asked him to gather his best undead buddies and stalk me through my friend's yard. And oh, yeah, it was totally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night-dinner buffet, because having organs is SO last year.

Gena Showalter

And while my mind is telling me I'm flirting with her just to prove a point, my body wants to play "you show me your perky privates and I'll show you mine.

Simone Elkeles

Are you in a suit?' I managed at last, my voice choking up. 'You didn’t have to dress up for me.''Quiet, Sage,' he said. 'I’ll make the hilarious one-liners during this daring rescue.

Richelle Mead

Don't look now, but that's my ex over there."Surely I'm not the only one who takes "don't look now" as "there's no better time than now." I looked."Bad, Ali!" Another slap to my arm. "Bad, bad, bad Ali! Have you no self control?

Gena Showalter

[Thine] face is not worth sunburning.

William Shakespeare

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

Darynda Jones

How very wet this water is.

L. Frank Baum

The old woman was the kind who would not cut down a large old tree because it was a large old tree.

Flannery O'Connor

Married?" she practically screeched, not sounding all that pleased, which left him feeling a little offended. "We're not getting married."He snorted at that. "I may have let you have your naughty little way with me for the past couple of months, but that doesn't mean I'm going to allow you to keep treating me like some dirty little boy toy. If you want to live with me then I expect you to put a ring on my finger," he said, holding up his left hand and wiggling his ring finger to punctuate his words.

R.L. Mathewson

Screw this. He’d blown his shot at nice-and-easy, which only left quick-and-brutal—my favorite way to play.

Rachel Vincent

I snuck a look to see how Eric was taking this, and he was staring at me the same way the Monroe vampires had. Thoughtful. Hungry."That's interesting," he said. "I had a psychic once. It was incredible.""Did the psychic think so?

Charlaine Harris

Simon!" Clary shouted, and seized his arm. "What?" Simon looked alarmed."I'm not really sleeping with your mom, you know. I was just trying to get your attention. Not that your mom isn't a very attractive woman, for her age.

Cassandra Clare

Wait a second," Clary said."I never understand why people say that," Luke said, to no one in particular. "I wasn't going anywhere.

Cassandra Clare

You will not pass!” Roman thundered.Great. Now he had decided he was Gandalf.

Ilona Andrews

I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.

Jon Stewart

I was washing the dishes and the sneaky bastard crept up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. And kissed me. Right here.” I pointed angrily to my neck. “Can I not have him committed or something?”Dr. Pritchard snorted. “For loving you?”I drew back, shaking my head in disgust. “Dr. Pritchard,” I admonished softly. “Whose side are you on?”“Braden’s.

Samantha Young

Wow. What'd he do to deserve that? Rescue orphans from a burning building? If so, you might want to make sure he didn't set the building on fire in the first place.

Richelle Mead

Shane dragged Eve's suitcase into the room and dumped it on the floor beside her bed. “Hey, Dark Princess? Here’s your crap. Also, bite me.

Rachel Caine

I'm a little bit naked, but that's okay.

Lady Gaga

You're very welcome," she said, giving my hair a hard tug. "You should be used to being gawked at by now.""And yet I'm not.""Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal, and I'll get up on the banquet table, toss my skirt over my head, and do a little dance. That way no one will be looking at you.

Leigh Bardugo

Apparently the complete works of Shakespeare packed quite a wallop. To think, my mother said I'd never find use for an English degree. Ha! I'd like to see her knock someone silly with an apron and a cookie press.

Rachel Vincent

I must have killed a lot of cows in a past life for Karma to hate me this much.

Katie McGarry

A pause followed my greeting. Then “We’re watching you ” whispered the voice on the other end.“Yeah? Did you see what I did with my keys? ”Silence. Then dial tone.These younger demons. So easily discouraged.

Josh Lanyon

Nothing is funnier than unhappiness.

Samuel Beckett

On Friday night, I was reading my new book, but my brain got tired, so I decided to watch some television instead.

Stephen Chbosky

Daemon!" Dee called from the kitchen. "I need your help!""We should go see what she's doing before she destroys your kitchen." He rubbed his hands down his face. "It's possible.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

What are you" -Mac "I don't follow" -Jericho "You dropped 30 feet in that warehouse. You should have broken something. What are you?" -Mac "A man with a rope." -Jericho

Karen Marie Moning

[Thou] mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms!

William Shakespeare

Dogs have their day but cats have 365.

Lilian Jackson Braun

I guess we're oil and water. (Phoebe)I'd say we're more like gasoline and a blowtorch. (Dan)

Susan Elizabeth Phillips

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Funny Quotes - Page 68

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