Funny Quotes - Page 66

He stared at her neck. Realization pulsed. He was looking at the bite he had given her. A hard length was growing against her hip. “So, is that your long, scaly, reptilian tail, or are you just happy to see me?” No, she did not just say that. Did she?

Thea Harrison

America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.

Stephen Colbert

Marry me. Nay, marriage will cost us precious moments together. Let us make sweet, passionate love right here. Let me bear your children.”A primal growl signaled Miss Lynn getting over her shock at being thus addressed. She lunged forward; Jack deftly rolled off the bench, jumping up out of her reach.“Goodness, I didn’t expect you to be quite this enthusiastic about my advances. If I don’t play hard to get, how will I ever know whether or not you respect me?

Kiersten White

Her lips full and inviting, she has an infectious laugh and glassy cackle in her eyes, and a 2000 volt sexual charisma that beckons me like a fluff girl on scuffed knees.

Brett Tate

I walked to the door where Clovis waited. When I looked up, he was staring at Adam. A quick glance backward confirmed Adam was returning his stare. Freaking males, I thought, they couldn’t be more obvious about their territorial dispute if they’d both peed on me.

Jaye Wells

You bitch!"Why is it that whenever I draw blood, I'm a bitch?

Rachel Vincent

He put on his hat and wrapped his scarf around his jaw, but did without the wig and the sunglasses. He clicked his key chain and the car beeped and the doors locked."That's it?"He looked up. "Sorry?""Aren't you afraid it might get stolen? We're not exactly in a good part of town.""It's got a car alarm.""Don't you, like, cast a spell or something? To keep it safe?""No. It's a pretty good car alarm.

Derek Landy

And so that means...""We have to rob the Henley," Simon said.Kat sank onto a truly uncomfortable sofa. "Again.

Ally Carter

If it works, it will be plenty dramatic. And I suppose that if it doesn't work, it will be even more dramatic, what with the blast.""David, I think you just made a joke."He frowned, utterly perplexed. "Did I?

Leigh Bardugo

WHAT DO WE WANT?! PATIENCE! WHEN DO WE WANT IT?! NOW!

Al Franken

No,” he muttered, running a hand through his copper hair. “No. No. There are dozens.”“Kell?” she asked, moving to touch his arm.He shook her off. “Dozens of ships, Lila! And you had to climb aboard his.”“I’m sorry,” she shot back, bristling, “I was under the impression that I was free to do as I pleased.”“To be fair,” added Alucard, “I think she was planning to steal it and slit my throat.”“Then why didn’t you?” snarled Kell, spinning on her. “You’re always so eager to slash and stab, why couldn’t you have stabbed him?

V.E. Schwab

Just relax and breathe through your ass.

Lewis Black

Careful with the accusations of insanity, oh my lady whose home is a tower with windows of brick, all for the sake of some skinny-ankled, laugh-prone boy of a khan.

Shannon Hale

I shouldn't have lost my temper that way. It just pricks his pride, makes him dig in his heels.""So why did you?" I asked, genuinely curious. It was rare for Nikolai's emotions to get the best of him. "I don't know," he said, shredding the leaf. "You got angry. I got angry. The room was too damn hot.""I don't think that's it.""Indigestion?" he offered."It's because you actually care about what happens to this country," I said. "The throne is just a prize to Vasily, something he wants to squabble over like a favorite toy, You're not like that. You'll make a good king."Nikolai froze. "I…" For once, words seemed to have deserted him. Then a crooked, embarrassed smile crept across his face. It was a far cry from his usual self-assured grin. "Thank you," he said.I sighed as we resumed our pace. "You're going to be insufferable now, aren't you?"Nikolai laughed. "I'm already insufferable.

Leigh Bardugo

He slowed down a bit more. "Gaia, how do you know these things?" She shrugged. "I'm smart." "And modest, too." "Modesty is a waste of time," she pronounced. "I'll keep that in mind.

Francine Pascal

In the office, Michael sat behind our father’s desk, clicking away at the computer with his right hand, and making notes with his left. Ambidextrous freak.

Rachel Vincent

Hayden?""Yes,Gia?""Nothing I just wanted to say your name

Kasie West

He laughs. "Put some clothes on so you don't scare poor Kiara with your morning hard-on."I look down at my shorts. Sure enough, I've got la tengo dura in front of Kiara and Tuck. Shit. I reach out for the first thing I can grab and put it in front of me to shield myself from view. It happens to be one of Kiara's stuffed animals, but I don't have much choice right now."That's Kiara's Mojo," Tuck says, laughing. "Get it? Mojo?

Simone Elkeles

Lief. That's not nice, considering all your sister has done for you," admonished Perl."Oh right. How could I forget that she made me bait for a snake, left me on house arrest in Ixia, and smuggled me into the Keep in a coffin.

Maria V. Snyder

I'm sure I look like a drowned cat.""You look fine. The wet look works for you."I scowled. "Now I know you're lying.

Jennifer L. Armentrout

Shut up, Julius! I mean, quiet a moment, Commander.

Eoin Colfer

He stood and looked at me for a moment, taking in my outfit. "You look hot.""What? Me?" I stammered, completely flummoxed."Yeah," he said, still looking at me."Oh. Um, thank you. I mean, not that you don’t, but I’m not sure that you should—I mean …""Oh, no," Roger said quickly, and I could see that he was blushing again. "No. I mean—I meant what you’re wearing. Are you going to be too warm?

Morgan Matson

hey. I just wanted to make sure you got home," I say. "Katniss, I live three houses away from you," he says.

Suzanne Collins

You don’t have any friends, your sister dumped you, you’re a freak eater..and you’ve got some weird thing about Simon Snow.""I object to every single thing you just said."Reagan chewed. And frowned. She was wearing dark red lipstick."I have lots of friends," Cath said."I never see them.""I just got here. Most of my friends went to other schools. Or they’re online.""Internet friends don’t count.""Why not?"Reagan shrugged disdainfully."And I don’t have a weird thing with Simon Snow," Cath said. "I’m just really active in the fandom.""What the fuck is ‘the fandom’?

Rainbow Rowell

He said "cool" like I say a Spanish word when I'm not sure of the pronunciation.

Kelley Armstrong

Honestly, Clary, if you don't start utilizing a bit of your natural feminine superiority I just don't know what I'll do with you.

Cassandra Clare

Fifteen men on the Dead Man's Chest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum! Drink and the devil had done for the rest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!

Robert Louis Stevenson

I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share.

George Carlin

I hung up the phone, jubilant, and threw myself into a wall, then pretended to be getting electrocuted. I do this when I'm very happy.

Dave Eggers

Why is it beautiful that humanity keeps coming back? So does herpes.

Isaac Marion

Suspicion," he said. "Directed by Alfred Hitchcock. He's a genius." "Starring Cary Grant." When Lucas gave me a look, I added, "You have your priorities, I have mine.

Claudia Gray

Please tell me this is easier to take off than it was to put on.”Calla raised a brow. “You do not think Master Kell knows how?

V.E. Schwab

Nothing like having a warrant for your execution to get a girl motivated.

Maria V. Snyder

Everything's amazing right now, and nobody's happy.

Louis C.K.

If god meant for people to talk into cellphones, he would've put our mouths on the side of our heads.

Devon Sampson

Leap out the window, my inner Tigress cried. You aren't ready to face such a powerful Tiger. I frowned. I thought a true Tigress never backed down from a fight. Don't you know anything? When she's in heat, she avoids everything male. Now run!

Gena Showalter

Dearest Annie, Roses are red. Violets are blue. I’m using my hand But I’m thinking of you. - Ronan P.S. Just to clarify, I’m using my hand to write this note…get your mind out of the gutter.

L.H. Cosway

A man touched me: his hand... my thigh.I touched him too: my fist... his jaw.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

So, Mr. Digence, home to visit the family?""That's right. My mother's folks are from Killarney.""Oh, really?""O'Reilly, actually. But what's a vowel between friends?""Very good. You should be on the stage.""It's funny you should mention that."The passport officer groaned. Ten more minutes and his shift would have been over. "I was being sarcastic, actually

Eoin Colfer

You've read half the books in this house? This whole house?" "Well, approximately half." Sticky said. "To be more accurate, I suppose I've read more like" - his eyes went up as he calculated - "three sevenths? Yes, three sevenths." "Only three sevenths?" said Kate, pretending to look disappointed. "And here I was prepared to be impressed.

Trenton Lee Stewart

Knock yourself out... Or rather, don't.

Eoin Colfer

Kate's Speciality: Killing things, with much bloodshed. Talking trash, infuriating authority. Driving Beast Lord crazy.

Ilona Andrews

A snap of Rhys’s fingers, and my nightclothes—and some flimsy underthings—appeared on the bed. “I couldn’t decide which scrap of lace I wanted you to wear, so I brought you a few to choose from.” “Pig,” I barked

Sarah J Maas

Legion hissed like a startled cat, the noise scraping at Reyes’s skin. “Me no boy. You think me a boy?”Everyone stopped, stared. Even Aeron.Reyes was the first to find his voice. “You’re a…girl?”A nod. “Me pretty.”“Yes, you are.” Reyes exchanged a glance with Lucien. “Beautiful.

Gena Showalter

If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.

Darynda Jones

If anything attacked us, we could just panic at it until it went away.

Seanan McGuire

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

Hedy Lamarr

Pops: How about you finish this sentence for me, Jason? When a girl says no she means...Justin, looking desperately at me: No?Nana: Are you sure?Justin, shifting uncomfortably: I'm sure. No means no.Nana: Well look at you. You got one right. Now here's another, even tougher sentence for you to finish. Premarital sex is...Me: Nana! I'm so sorry Justin.Nana: Unlike Pops, I'm not moving on. Justin?Pops: His name is Jason.Justin:Uh....uh....Pops: While you think about that, why don't you tell me how you feel about drinking and driving?Justin: I'm totally against it, I swear!Nana: Methinks he protests too much.

Gena Showalter

Maybe a friend is someone who wants your updates. Even if they're boring. Or sad. Or annoyingly cutesy. A friend says "Sign me up for your boring crap, yes indeed"--because he likes you anyways. He'll tolerate your junk

E. Lockhart

Because he sounded so lost-the Eric I knew had never been one to do anything other than assume others should serve him-I patted around under the covers for his hand. When I found it, I slid my own over it. His palm was turned up to meet my palm, and his fingers clasped mine. And though I would not have thought it possible to go to sleep holding hands with a vampire, that's exactly what I did.

Charlaine Harris

Shh." I squeeze his hand. His palm feels clammy. "We have to keep it down, okay? We don't want my dad coming in."He grits his teeth against more shivers. "Always knew I'd end up in your bed . . . and hear you say those words one day." He manages a smirk.Jeb snarls. "Unbelievable. Even when he's at death's door he's a tool." He arranges a pillow beneath Morpheus's neck. "Why don't you keep your mouth shut while we help you."Morpheus laughs weakly, his skin flashing with blue light. "What say Alyssa"--his breath rattles--"give my mouth something else to do?

A.G. Howard

My parents didn't raise me to be religious. The closest we come to worship is the Trinity of Visa, Mastercard, and American Express. I think the Merryweather cheerleaders confuse me because I missed out on Sunday School. It has to be a miracle. There is no other explanation. How else could they sleep with the football team on Saturday night and be reincarnated as virginal goddesses on Monday?

Laurie Halse Anderson

What are you?” he demanded. “A slayer?" I rolled my eyes. “The name's Val, not Buffy. Do I look like a blond cheerleader with questionable taste in men?

Parker Blue

You just punched a prince, Alina. I guess we can add one more act of treason to our list.”I shook out my sore hand. My knuckles smarted. “First of all, are we so sure he really is a prince? And second, you’re just jealo

Leigh Bardugo

Hey, princess of Popsicles! Queen of curlicue cones.

Wendy Higgins

Not one word," Kel warned. "Tobe and I have reached an understanding." Neal's lips twitched. "Why do I feel you did most of the understanding.

Tamora Pierce

It's sometimes funny to watch some people doing something the wrong way but doing it confidently. Even more funny, they succeeded.

Toba Beta

Vic knelt by Lucas's side. 'You look like crap, by the way.''Thanks for breaking it to me gently.' Lucas took a deep breath, then groaned.

Claudia Gray

I lost a horse today.''That sounds careless. What happened?''She jumped off a cliff.''A cliff! Is that normal?

Maggie Stiefvater

Are you suggesting I’m working with thezombies? That I paid them to pretend toattack me so that I’d trick you into letting me join you?”“Did you?” Mr. Holland demanded.“Yeah, okay,” I said in a sugar-sweet tone. “You’re right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steaks, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn’t tell. In exchange I asked him to gather hisbest undead buddies and stalk me throughmy friend’s yard. And oh, yeah, it wastotally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night dinner buffet, because having organs is so last season.

Gena Showalter

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Funny Quotes - Page 66

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