Funny Quotes - Page 64

Hey, babe, can I sit here?” Elle turned her head and saw Nero standing there, holding a tray.　　Did he just really ask that, and did he just really call me ‘babe’?　　“Are you serious? Sit here?” Elle pointed to the chair beside her.　　“Yes, I was talking directly to you, wasn’t I?” Nero was definitely a smartass.　　“No, you clearly weren’t because my name isn’t ‘babe’. I bet you don’t even know my name. So, no, you cannot sit here, Nero.
Sarah Brianne
Plus, in one of his e-mails, the guy said he didn't like pancakes. What kind of asshole doesn't like pancakes?
A.J. Jacobs
pg. 231-232: They'd given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of the Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around my neck! You mark of Cain! You wretched beast high ceilings and few horsepower!
John Green
what would you call this haircut?"arthur.
George Harrison
This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth.
P.G. Wodehouse
Lusty blacksmiths and naughty princesses. Now that's scary
Simon Holt
Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?
Bill Maher
Did I ever tell you the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern one?" she asked him, indulging herself and letting her head rest on his shoulder. God, he felt good. Her man. Where her head was meant to lie, right there, on him. "What's the difference?""A Northern one starts 'once upon a time,' while a Southern one starts 'y'all ain't going to believe this shit.
Erin McCarthy
And she says, “Then let’s just take the effing road and get ourselves to Hav
Patrick Ness
Would you have done that in his place? Would you have left him and gone on?""Of course I would!" Halt replied immediately. But something in his voice rang false and Horse looked at him, raising one eyebrow. He'd waited a long time for an opportunity to use that expression of disbelief on Halt.After a pause, the Ranger's anger subsided."All right. Perhaps I wouldn't," he admitted. Then he glared at Horace. "And stop raising that eyebrow on me. You can't even do it properly. Your other eyebrow moves with it!
John Flanagan
Boy, you knock on the devil's door and he will head slam you through the wall.
Sherrilyn Kenyon
In this world only the paranoid survive.
Dean Koontz
Caroline, do you value your neck?""Yes, I'm rather fond of it. Why?""Because if you don't shut up, I'm going to wring it.
Julia Quinn
That cat doesn't have a lick of sense,' I said, sighing.Well, honey, he's not right in the head,' Dad said, flipping his cigarette into the front yard.I glared at him. 'And just what do you mean by that?'Dad counted on his fingers. 'He's cross-eyed; he jumps out of trees after birds and then doesn't land on his feet; he sleeps with his head smashed up against the wall, and the tip of his tail is crooked.'Oh yeah? Well, how about this: he once got locked in a basement by evil Petey Scroggs in the middle of January and survived on snow and little frozen mice. When I'm cold at night he sleeps right on my face. Of that whole litter of kittens he came out of he's the only one left. One of his brothers didn't even have a butthole.'I stand corrected. PeeDink is a survivor.
Haven Kimmel
Is there any good news?' Tesla
Clive Barker
Do you see that man in the black Porsche?" I asked the women.They squinted out at Ranger. "Yes," they said."Your partner.""He's homeless. He's looking for a place to stay and he might be interested in renting Singh's room."Mrs.Apusenja's eyes widened. "We could use the income."She looked at Nonnie and then back at Ranger. "Is he married?""Nope. He's single. He's a real catch."Connie did something between a gasp and a snort and buried her head back behind the computer. "Thank you for everything." Mrs.Apusenja said. "I suppose you are not such a bad slut. I will go talk to your partner.:"Omigod," Connie said, when the door closed behind the Apusenja's. "Ranger's going to kill you." The Apusenjas stood beside the Porsche, talkig to Ranger for a few long minutes, giving him the big sales pitch. The pitch wound down, Ranger responded, and Mrs. Apusenja looked disappointed. The two women crossed the road and got into the burgundy Escort and quickly drove away. Ranger turned his head in my direction and our eyes met. His expression was still bemused, but this time it was the sort of bemused expression a kid has when he's pulling the wings off a fly."Uh-Oh,"Connie said. I whipped around and faced Connie. "Quick, give me an FTA. You're backed up, right? For God's sake, give me something fast. I need a reason to stand here until he calms down!" Connie shoved a pile of folders at me. "Pick one. Any one! Oh shit, he's getting out of his car."....He leaned into me and his lips brushed the shell of my ear. "Feeling playful?""I don't know what you're talking about.""Watch your back babe. I will get even."-Ranger and Stephanie
Janet Evanovich
Marc’s hand tightened visibly around Kevin’s fingers, his digits going white. Again. Both men clenched their jaws, Kevin in pain, and Marc in an obvious effort to control his temper and keep from breaking Kevin’s hand. Off. Why couldn’t guys find a more original way to test each other’s manly prowess? Arm wrestling might have been more subtle. Or maybe comparing the length of their…canines.
Rachel Vincent
Jean grinned down at her, and she handed him something in a small silk bag.'What's this?''Lock of my hair, ' she said. 'Meant to give it to you days ago, but we got busy with all the raiding. You know. Piracy. Hectic life. ''Thank you, love, ' he said.'Now, if you find yourself in trouble wherever you go, you can hold up that little bag to whoever's bothering you, and you can say, "You have no idea who you're fucking with. I'm under the protection of the lady who gave me this object of her favour. "''And that's supposed to make them stop?''Shit no, that's just to confuse them. Then you kill them while they're standing there looking at you funny.
Scott Lynch
What? Quinn's one of them? I just thought he was an a*shole!
Simon Holt
Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM!
Rick Riordan
To ugly ducklings everywhere,Don't worry about those fluffy yellow morons:They'll never get to be swans
Zoë Marriott
Isn't that someone we know?" asked Horace. He pointed to where a cloaked figure sat by the side of the road a few hundred meters away, arms wrapped around his knees. Close by him, a small shaggy horse cropped the grass growing at the edge of the drainage ditch that ran beside the road."So it is," Halt replied. "And he seems to have brought Will with him.
John Flanagan
I'm healthy as an ox. And you?" "To compare myself with a bovine would be both ridiculous and insulting, but I'm fit as ever, if that is what you are asking.
Christopher Paolini
Are you okay with what we ordered?” Angeline asked him. “You didn’t pipe up with any requests.” Neil shook his head, face stoic. He kept his dark hair in a painfully short and efficient haircut. It was the kind of no-nonsense thing the Alchemists would’ve loved. “I can’t waste time quibbling over trivial things like pepperoni and mushrooms. If you’d gone to my school in Devonshire, you’d understand. For one of my sophomore classes, they left us alone on the moors to fend for ourselves and learn survival skills. Spend three days eating twigs and heather, and you’ll learn not to argue about any food coming your way.” Angeline and Jill cooed as though that was the most rugged, manly thing they’d ever heard. Eddie wore an expression that reflected what I felt, puzzling over whether this guy was as serious as he seemed or just some genius with swoon-worthy lines.
Richelle Mead
There had to be a circle of Hell where you were eternally fourteen, eternally in junior high. One of the lower circles.
Laurell K. Hamilton
I am not forgotten, you know, no, I still receive a very great deal of fan
J.K. Rowling
You've brushed your teeth," He says, staring at me."I used your toothbrush."His lips quirk up in a half smile. "Oh Anastasia Steele, what am I going to do with you?
E.L. James
Don’t lick the guests, darling. Bad manners.
Patricia Briggs
Otis," I said."Shhh," he said. "I'm incognito. Call me...Otis.""I'm not sure that's how incognito works, but okay."Otis, aka Otis climbed into the chair I'd reserved for Sam.
Rick Riordan
I had died and woken up in High School Musical
Jamie McGuire
Cat, hmmm? From where I sit you look more like a Kitten."My head jerked around and I shot him an annoyed look. Oh, I was going to enjoy this, all right. "It's Cat," I repeated firmly. "Cat Raven.""Whatever you say, Kitten Tweedy.
Jeaniene Frost
Trust her we girls are two sheets short of psycho when it comes to our special little time.
Sandi Lynn
What is it about hairdressers? You tell them 'not too short' and some part of their hairdresser brain hears this as 'whack the shit out of it.' If you never say, 'not too short,' everything is fine. You say it, & it's a guarantee you'll come out ready for the military>
Deb Caletti
...she's leaving now....Janis attacks the back door of the school gym and finds herself in a heavy cloud of smoke. She realizes she's found the Goths' hangout. Who knew?"Oof," someone says. She keeps walking, muttering, "sorry" to whomever it was she hit with the flying door.***Cabel: ... That was the Goth stage where I decided I'd never get the girl of my dreams because of my scars. Not to mention the hairstyle.(pause)But then she slammed a door handle into my gut. And, when a girl does that to a boy, it means she likes him.
Lisa McMann
Elizabeth."I feel my smile on my face as I understand what she is doing. Though it's a strange one, she has a name-sound just like I do, and she's telling me what it is. I try to make the same sounds."Ehh..beh." I frown. Why is her name-sound so difficult and so long?She frowns right back at me and says it again. "Elizabeth.""Beh-tah-babaa."She sighs and her forehead wrinkles. "Elizabeth. Eeee-lizzzz-ahh-beth.""Laahh...baaay."She taps her chest again."Beth!"The sound is shorter but still very odd."Beh-bet.""Beth," she repeats.I've had enough. I reach out and touch her should."Beh.""Beth." I tap her a little harder and growl."Beh", I repeat. I tap her again. "BEH!"Her eyes widen a bit, and she inhales sharply. A moment later, her shoulders drop and she sighs."Beh," she says quietly.
Shay Savage
1. You left a multipack of Mars Bars on top of your wardrobe. Can I have one? Dad x2. I had three. Hope that's OK. Dad x3. I'm just going to have one more. Dad x4. Harriet, your Dad's made himself sick on an entire multipack of Mars Bars again. Please don't leave sweets where we can find them. A x
Holly Smale
The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.
Galileo Galilei
Dee loves it here. Before you came, she spent most of her days here."To Daemon, my arrival was the beginning of the end. The apocalypse. Kat-mageddon. "You know, I'm not going to get your sister in trouble.""We'll see.
Jennifer L. Armentrout
So hologram means--" I finally said."It means non-corporeal, yeah. Which sucks seeing as how there are a lot of very corporeal things I'd like to do with you right now.
Rachel Hawkins
And when demigods use cell phones, the signals agitate every monster within a hundred miles. It's like sending up a flare: Here I am! Please rearrange my face!
Rick Riordan
Yes, I'm back," he said, "And look who I ran into."Horace grinned at him. "i hope you ran into him hard.""As hard as I could.
John Flanagan
She handed him a glass of water and two Aleve gelcaps. “They’re anti-inflammatories. They will dull the pain a little bit and keep down swelling and redness. Swallow the pills, don’t chew.”“Well, I thought I’d stick them into my nose and impersonate a walrus, but if you insist, I’ll swallow them.
Ilona Andrews
Somehow, Sydney had an internal clock that told her when time was up. I think it was part of her inherent ability to keep track of a hundred things at once. Not me. In these moments, my thoughts were usually focused on getting her shirt off and whether I’d get past the bra this time. So far, I hadn’t.
Richelle Mead
Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other.
Honoré de Balzac
There was a small wooden gazebo built out over the water; Isabelle was sitting in it, staring out across the lake. She looked like a princess in a fairy tale, waiting at the top of her tower for someone to ride up and rescue her. Not that traditional princess behavior was like Isabelle at all. Isabelle with her whip and boots and knives would chop anyone who tried to pen her up in a tower into pieces, build a bridge out of the remains, and walk carelessly to freedom, her hair looking fabulous the entire time.
Cassandra Clare
Log Entry: SOL 118My conversation with NASA about the Water Reclaimer was boring and riddled with technical details. So I'll paraphrase for you:Me: "This is obviously a clog. How about I take it apart and check the internal tubing?"NASA: (After about 5 hours of deliberation) "No. You'll fuck it up and die."So I took it apart.
Andy Weir
Friends are like bras, attached near your heart for support. Foes are like panties, deported, every now and then, when they get dirty.
Santosh Kalwar
Hatsuharu Sohma: [after tripping Kyo] If I hadn't had tripped you, you wouldn't have stopped now would you.[addressing the audience]Hatsuharu Sohma: By the way what I just did was very dangerous. And if it had been anyone but Kyo they probably would have been hurt pretty badly, so don't try it at home.Kyo Sohma: Don't try it here and who are you even talking to?
Natsuki Takaya
She was the most wonderful woman for prowling about the house. How she got from one story to another was a mystery beyond solution. A lady so decorous in herself, and so highly connected, was not to be suspected of dropping over the banisters or sliding down them, yet her extraordinary facility of locomotion suggested the wild idea.
Charles Dickens
I felt my cheeks turn red, and she laughed out loud. But I didn't mind too much, because the last thing she saw was my middle finger aimed in her direction as I stepped outside
Jessica Verday
You mean she doesn’t intend to blow me up before the ceremony?” said Kai, taking the box. “How disappointing.
Marissa Meyer
Look at him,” she said, shaking her head. “Travis Maddox: Mr. Mom.
Jamie McGuire
It's sick and twisted and violent. Other than that it is totally G rated.
Elizabeth Cruickshank
Stick your dick in’?” I asked, my brows probably touching. “Did you actually just say that?” “Make love. I meant make love … of course. I would never just stick my dick in you. I would make mad, passionate love to this sweet, sweet body of yours for days, no, weeks. It would be beautiful, pumpkin. There’d be little angels, and birdies, and you know … all just hanging around, watching. Perverts.
Kylie Scott
So,” sneered Fudge, recovering himself, “you intend to take on Dawlish, Shacklebolt, Dolores, and myself single-handed, do you, Dumbledore?”“Merlin’s beard, no,” said Dumbledore, smiling. “Not unless you are foolish enough to force me to.”“He will not be single-handed!” said Professor McGonagall loudly, plunging her hand inside her robes.“Oh yes he will, Minerva!” said Dumbledore sharply. “Hogwarts needs you!
J.K. Rowling
But Amy," Elder says. "Space suits!
Beth Revis
I'm way hot," he muttered. "But I don't feel sick. Just — way hot."Fang
James Patterson
After climbing off his bike, I smacked his shoulder. “Did you forget I was with you? Are you trying to get me killed?”“It’s hard to forget you’re behind me when your thighs are squeezing the life out of me.” A smirk came with his next thought. “I couldn’t think of a better way to die, actually.”“There is something very wrong with you.
Jamie McGuire
SHUT UP. Both of you. You're coming with me." To me he said, "Put some pant
David Wong
He would have shaved the centaurs, dipped them in honey, covered them with feathers, and hung them up like a bunch of pinatas. I'm just saying." - Warren
Brandon Mull

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