Funny Quotes - Page 43

Rumo!" said Rumo. "That's right!" Smyke exclaimed. "You Rumo, me Smyke." "You Rumo, me Smyke." Rumo repeated eagerly. "No, no." Smyke chuckled.

As it happens, I’m a terrible dancer. Bears are simply not made for dancing. We’re much better at sitting and sleeping and singing. But there are humans who catch bears and force us to dance. It’s agony. And there are other humans who pay to watch us.’Hannah sighed. ‘I suppose you’re right to distrust humans.’‘And that is why I must eat you,’ said the bear forlornly. ‘For the benefit of the entire bear population of the world. I’m awfully sorry about this.’‘That’s all right.’ Hannah shrugged her shoulders. ‘Is there any point in my trying to run away?’‘None. We bears may not be able to dance but we are experts when it comes to chasing things.’‘What if I climb a tree?’‘I’ll climb up after you, or push the tree over. It all depends on what sort of tree you choose to climb. Either way, you’ll end up eaten.’‘So be it,’ said Hannah. ‘How should I prepare myself?’‘I beg your pardon?’‘Will you eat me with my clothes on?’‘Of course. Otherwise it would be bad manners.

A robber? In the trash bins? Honestly, Wes. This is Salem Falls, not the set of Law and Order.

A clue! From M!""Who's M?""Maybe M is for Mackintosh! Maybe Grabes ans Mackintosh are in cahoots!""Or maybe M is for Mom. Also, who says 'cahoots'?

My Date was waiting for me at the kitchen door, ears perked, tail wagging and bits of wicker clinging to his nose and mouth" --Abby Shaw, Sucker Punched

If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out.

I seem to be allergic to whatever that terrible smell is," said Gateman when the urge to sneeze had finally subsided."What terrible smell?""The air," said Gateman. "It smells...different.""That's called oxygen," said Professor Boxley. "Freh air. No cars, no buses, no factories; just pure, clean oxygen.

Is she special? (asks the gay waiter)" I thinks she's going to break my heart" On arrival of the girl" The flannel is fine honey,but I have'nt seen anyone that over accesorized since batman!

Christopher Moore

This was so unfunny, Steve had to laugh.

Katie purred in pleasure as she licked the beating vein in Jared’s neck.

Jodie B. Cooper

You'd be surprised." Charlie said."You go to bed one night singing her a lullaby, and she wakes up listening to Limp Bizkit.""What the hell is Limp Bizkit?

Dear Literary World, Sorry for breaking down your door...I'll pay for that!!! Since I'm here and planning to stay a while, let me tell you some stories!!

C.K. Webb

I rolled my eyes, trying to keep my eyes off his body, just the sight of his abs or arms was enough to make me want to get naked and let Carlo take over anything he wanted.

I feel like I’m going to die,’ he says.‘Could we talk for a few minutes before you die?’‘Only if you do it quietly.’‘I met this girl last night. I need your advice.’‘Come back later.’‘No. You might be dead.

I'm still furious with you," she murmured, kissing a line down his chest."Oh, God, please don't be furious," he choked out quickly. "Every female I know is furious with me. Rosalyn throws tantrums, and Charlotte hasn't spoken to me or written since you left." He moved his hands to unbutton her gown. "The morning I thought you'd sailed out of my life I started drinking and didn't stop until I'd finished two bottles. For three days I had a blistering headache, and Nedda couldn't for the life of her stop banging things." He groaned. "And I can't even begin to tell you about your sisters.

Caroline's lips thinned, her face flushed. "My husband, sir, has more secrets in his tiny, insignificant mind than the entire British War Department has had on file since its inception." She huffed with pure, disgusted outrage, lowering her gaze to the floor to murmur, "I'll kill him.

You're a big boy, No. You'll figure something out. Just make sure it includes the groveling." -AbbyIt come to all of us. Especially those of us foolish enough to fall in love with women who have minds of their own. If you will recall, your own sister had a few things she had to forgive me for before we could move on with our relationship." -RuleThere's a big difference between a little kidnapping and what he did." -Abby"You did not call it a 'little' anything at the time, sweet. You were furious with me. Believe me, the groveling does do wonders." -Rule

Christine Warren

Don’t be hating on my peacock. It’s just not right. - Kye

It was a little difficult to take him seriously when he sang along to a song about a woman taking another woman's man.

And you are going to close the gates, because I told you to close the gates.

I wish the Fallen would just come to us for a change.”Ironically, Fallen Angels dropped from the sky and surrounded us.“I wish I had a chocolate cake!” I exclaimed, staring up.No cake appeared, though I did get a few wry glances. Andrew’s body shook with silent laughter while Lucia gaveme raised eyebrows.“What? It worked for the Fallen Angels.

There were, however, a few exceptions.One was Norma Dodsworth, the poet, who had not unpleasantly drunk but had been sensible enough to pass out before any violent action proved necessary. He had been deposited, not very gently, on the lawn, where it was hoped that a hyena would give him a rude awakening. For all practical purposes he could, therefore, be regarded as absent.

Arthur C. Clarke

Look at your eyes. You've got bigger bags than Louis Vuitton.

Matt Dunn

No one here is allowed to die without my permission.

101 Reasons Why its great to be a woman : We have three times the amount of potential sick leave. Take into account all those days you are unable to work owing to pre, during and post menstrual tension.

Summersdale Publishers

The moonlight caught the glint of his lip ring, which he was now fondling with the tip of his tongue as he stared down at me. It was a bit awkward.

Nona needs a very dry martini.

I thanked the lucky stars for my great metabolism, because Karsen had showed me pictures of her mom once and it was scary the transformation she underwent after popping three kids out. She went from a small, dainty beauty to a giant pineapple blob of a body.

I’m sure all of that’s true. Especially the anal bit--Marshall’s always been an ass--but I don’t see how this is relevant, unless of course I’m mistaken, and you really are comparing me to a crumb that needs sweeping. - Shella

Sorry for your loss' Gordan said.His extended hand was immediately rejected with an if-looks-could-kill stare from Shelly's father, who was, as of yet, oblivious to the fact that we had stolen the last of his daughter.'Right. Well,fuck you too.

Ty Roth

I’m not scared any more,’ said Midge. ‘Thank you, Kevin. Sometimes you can be very kind.’‘Yes,’ said Kevin. ‘And if you tell that to any of the other trolls I will pull off your nose and feed it to a bear.

There ain't no "baby mama drama" up in this Vortex, homie!

At least one way of measuring the freedom of any society is the amount of comedy that is permitted, and clearly a healthy society permits more satirical comment than a repressive, so that if comedy is to function in some way as a safety release then it must obviously deal with these taboo areas. This is part of the responsibility we accord our licensed jesters, that nothing be excused the searching light of comedy. If anything can survive the probe of humour it is clearly of value, and conversely all groups who claim immunity from laughter are claiming special privileges which should not be granted.

Eric Idle

You'll see. I have a collection of fine waistcoats and a handsome face." He stepped back to let her take in the full effect of both and her smile spread to the edge of a laugh.

Hey, he's not using a holster," I said, glancing at Alex's on the dresser. He laughed out loud. "Yeah, I guess he must want something shooting off. It'd be so great if these things were true to life - the next scene would show him at hospital like, clutching himself in agony."'Angel - L.A.Weatherly

Tim and Raine are coming in.""Are they insane?""Apparently.

This is no time for drinking a mug of water - which you would do nowhere else in the world. A mug of water! You just don't drink water from mugs, do ya? Except on the telly. Water out of a mug! Should be a hot drink... mug of water.

Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg!

Terry Pratchett

Are you wearing space pants?" Miranda asked him."What?"How did it end? oh, right. "Because your butt is fine."He gazed at her in that way he had like he was measuring her for straitjacket. "I think-" he started, then stopped and seemed to be having trouble talking. Cleared his throat three times before saying, "I think the line is 'because your butt is out of this world.""Oh. That makes a lot more sense. I can see that. See, I read this book about how to get guys to like you and they said it was a line that never failed but i got interrupted in the middle and the line before it was about china-not the country, the kind you eat off of-and that is where the fine part was but i must have gotten them confused. He just kept staring at her.

I would never say snog. I would say osculate.” She looks at me as if to say: why do you exist?

I really hate it when people want to kill me. It makes me think they don't want to be friends. - Raven from Blood of Prey

Count yourself fortunate." He made an elegant sweep of his hand toward the sun. "Daylight does not make them turn to ash, but they become bloody damn infants, whinging on about irritated eyes and sluggish limbs and so forth.

I used to have Santa and the whole coal thing, but between Wade and their father, the little shits get whatever they want. They no longer feel like they need the fat bastard!

Ethan Day

Oh, this is the most TRAGICAL thing that ever happened to me!

L.M. Montgomery

Are you coming back to campus or you sticking around here with the prick?

You there, you look like a well-rounded lady, oh yes, and I mean well-rounded

TBBishiXO

Theatres are curious places, magician's trick-boxes where the golden memories of dramtic triumphs linger like nostalgic ghosts, and where the unexplainable, the fantastic, the tragic, the comic and the absurd are routine occurences on and off the stage. Murders, mayhem, politcal intrigue, lucrative business, secret assignations, and of course, dinner.

E.A. Bucchianeri

(About sweeping)....What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends.

Terry Pratchett

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom.

By the time I'm nine I know the world is a dangerous place. I've heard whispers about razorblades in apples, about Charlie Manson and his family. But no one is offering any clear information.

Asia is an entertainment, Europe is a dream, America is an imprisonment and Rest is a nightmare.

I’m the sexiest of them all! - Carol

It would be the last thing he did if he beat my dog.

Sorry I'm late," Ms. Egami said to the class. She dropped her papers, which scattered in that special way papers do when one is running late.

Adam Rex

The Freemen have 987 levels of membership, the first three of which are achieved merely by filling out an application. The 8th level is granted upon full acceptance into the local lodge, the 13th following Initiation, the 21st at the end of the Initiate's second week, and the 89th the first time he brings snacks.

Adam Rex

It’s true—there are only, like, two songs about rainbows, including that one. He should be asking why there are so few songs about rainbows.

Underwater, bubbles erupted before my eyes as a swift hand snatched my arm and pulled me to the surface. I gasped for air, coughing and gagging at the amount of water I sucked into my lungs by pure shock. What was up with me and breathing in water? I needed to grow some gills or something.

I am a teacher. Pay close attention - this will be on the test. You don't wreck buildings. You don't take children hostage. And you don't threaten people with violence. Okay class dismissed. Looks like you fail!

yoko

Screw sharks a Transformer could be stretching up on its tippy toes and would still have a mile of cover to eat me.

Emma McLaughlin

He spun out enough toilet paper to vandalize a house and carefully cleaned the seat.

Adam Rex

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