Funny Quotes - Page 29

I… I can’t. I wish I were a little bolder.”“What for?” the Hatter asked. “Being a small rock wouldn’t be much fun.

Melinda DuChamp

Squeezing her eyes shut, hating every moment, the put a single finger in and moved it around.“There’s nothing,” she lamented.“Go deeper.”Alice did.“Deeper.”“There’s nothing,” she yelled, pulling out her hand in anger and humiliation.“Of course there is nothing,” the Hatter said. “Who ever heard of such a ridiculous thing?”“So why did you make me do it?” Alice demanded.“Because it was really hot,” he answered.

Melinda DuChamp

And I sort of felt her...you know." Alan made an exaggerated shape of a heart. "You touched her heart?" Mike queried. "No! Her bum. It's sort of, you know, heart shaped. Big heart."He flexed his fingers, remembering the feel of it. "Soft.

Angela Verdenius

The funny thing about the heart is a soft heart is a strong heart, and a hard heart is a weak heart.

When I opened the door, Andrew was standing there like a remedy for heart palpitations. Or maybe he made them worse. It was hard to tell.

There is no better taste than this: someone else's laughter in your mouth.

Maggie Stiefvater

Look at the huge success of Fifty Shades of Grey. The girl in the book lets a rich guy beat her and ritually rape her, and she likes it! She finds it erotic! But imagine if Christian Grey wasn't a billionaire. Imagine if he lived in a dirty old trailer down by the river. Then that story wouldn't be a sexy romance novel, but an episode of CSI.

What do you mean? In Old Castle? I still live with my parents in case you haven’t noticed, Jack. Those two strangers – that man and woman sitting on my sofa – are actually my parents. Oh, you mean your place? Yes, let’s evict your parents…let’s place them neatly in a cardboard box and leave it by the rubbish bins!

Fee-fi-fo-fum, you better run and hideI smell the blood of a petty little coward

In the Belgian backwaters, south of Bruges, there lives a reclusive English composer, named Vyvyan Ayrs. You won’t have heard of him because you’re a musical oaf, but he’s one of the greats.

Self-publishing a shitty book doesn't make you an author any more than singing in the shower makes you a rockstar or squeezing your pimple makes you a dermatologist.

I'm gonna go put my earplugs in and practice piano for hours until my fingers bleed. I practice the piano with the focus of Helen Keller—and nothing can distract me from the scent of the music.-Karen Quan and Jarod Kintz

Ah, yes, the mix tape. The mating call of the introvert.

Sophia Dembling

Name a song. Any song at all."She thought for a moment and said, "'Claire de Lune.'"I placed my hands on the keyboard. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back and struck a key, sounding a single note. "There you go. Gimme another one. I can play the first note of anything. As long as I get to choose the key it's in.

Michael Darling

Anything you say can and will be used against you, so only say my name.

I just don't— Ronan. My ears are bleeding!"Ronan turned down the music.

Maggie Stiefvater

The online music magazine Pitchfork once wrote that I would collaborate with anyone for a bag of Doritos.

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.

In real life, couples bond and war over a million different things. The causes of divorce are like beautiful, unique snowflakes.

Howard Mittelmark

Guess it's high time we add the 8th vow in marriage promising that we shall spend time with our husband or wife more than with social networking sites!

That woman," Grimm said quietly, "drives me quite insane."Kettle grunted. "Why'd you marry her, then?

Most of a husband’s life is spent in doing research on his wife.

Only about 3 percent of animal species are monogamous. A couple of penguins, some otters and a few other oddball critters. To these select few it comes natural to mate for life and never look at another member of the opposite sex. Humans are not part of that little club. Like the other 97% of species, humans are not monogamous by nature. We just pretend that we are.

May I help you?""Mr. Neck-uh-stone-sack please," I replied."Um. You mean Nat?""Yeah. This is Counselor Smallwater's law office. May I speak with Nat?""Well, he's in a class right now. Can I take a message?""Hmm. I suppose it's all right. You can just tell him that his annulment is official now. He and his sister are no longer married.

Michael Darling

Thou mayest choose an helpmeet," said the King to me.An helpmeet? What the great googly-moogly was that?

Michael Darling

Ran into him? Are you not together?"Cassie shook her head. "No."Gage contradicted her by saying, "We are. We're getting married."Cassie leaned into him and hissed. "Would you stop telling people that." She turned back to Sam and gave her a smile. "We're not getting married."Gage used Cassie's hair to tip her head back again. He leaned over, giving her another kiss before saying, "Sunshine, we are."Cassie yanked her hair out of his fist and took a step away from him. "Honey limpkins," she said, sarcastically, "we are not.

She said yes. If only she didn't talk so much!

Ljupka Cvetanova

But marriage is forever.''Oh, not really,' he assured her. 'Only until one of us dies.'Her eyes widened. 'I do not want you to die,' she said.'Perhaps you will go first,' he said, though I rather think I hope not. I would probably have grown accustomed to you by then and would miss you.

Opposities are married.

Ljupka Cvetanova

The greater the injury, the greater the fun.

Seriousness is too boring to the playful human condition. A heart of stone that has a long face can never express love.

Michael Bassey Johnson

No matter how kind you are, always expect a few imbeciles.

You might be an introvert if you were ready to go home before you left the house.

The more you talk about it, rehash it, rethink it, cross analyze it, debate it, respond to it, get paranoid about it, compete with it, complain about it, immortalize it, cry over it, kick it, defame it, stalk it, gossip about it, pray over it, put it down or dissect its motives it continues to rot in your brain. It is dead. It is over. It is gone. It is done. It is time to bury it because it is smelling up your life and no one wants to be near your rotted corpse of memories and decaying attitude. Be the funeral director of your life and bury that thing!

Shannon L. Alder

717! You are behaving like a demented bluebottle - stop that!

That was 1993 grunge in suburbia. This was 2003 hell in Harlem. (Dark City Lights)

Eve Kagan

Be careful not to appear obsessively intellectual. When intelligence fills up, it overflows a parody.

Never take advice about never taking advice. That is an old vice of men - to dish it out without being able to take it - the blind leading the blind into more blindness.

Angels are good not simply because they see bad as bad, but also because they see bad as corny.

These Hoes Just Gon Fuck Who Ever Poppin , You Better Be Careful, When you fuck em' Raw!

Genereux Philip

There is this common notion that people are shallow and ignorant until they go out and see the world. I, on the other hand, went out and in comparison realized I was in pretty good standing.

BLACK IS SO FUCKIN' BEAUTIFUL

Genereux Philip

We didn't do anything illegal, All we ever did was be black.. #BlackLivesMatter

Genereux Philip

Fake is the new real,You gotta keep a lot a shit to yourself.

Genereux Philip

If an Artist falls in love with you, you will live forever.

Genereux Philip

If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.

Genereux Philip

If ur laptop doesnt smell like fire then ur losing.

Genereux Philip

Don't fuckin' sleep on yourself

Genereux Philip

Bitch, if I ain't a G, I'm an OG

Genereux Philip

I'm the G when you spell OG

Genereux Philip

The hardest part about walking away from someone is the part where you realize that, no matter how slowly you go, they will never run after you.

Genereux Philip

Character that is fruit-producing can be summed up in the mastery of these 5 qualities: morals, but a sense of humor; love, but respect for criticism; intelligence without pretense; humility without self-loathing; and a mind open, but with solid convictions.

Idiots are of two kinds: those who try to be smart and those who think they are smart.

The ending of a book is, in my experience, both the best and worst part to read. For the ending will often determine whether you love or hate the book.Both emotions lead to disappointment. If the ending was good, and the book was worth your time, then you are left annoyed and depressed because there is no more book to read. However, if the ending was bad, then it's too late to stop reading. You're left annoyed and depressed because you wasted so much time on a book with a bad ending.Therefore, reading is obviously worthless, and you should go spend your time on other, more valuable pursuits.

Brandon Sanderson

Quiet,â€� she hissed at me, her voice shockingly aggressive for such a small person. â€œOtherwise, Iâ€™ll shut you up myself.

I was just thinking that it would be nice if, for once in a while, life made things easier,â€� I told him, feeling annoyed. â€œWhy does life have to throw impossible tasks at us all the time for crying out loud?â€� At hearing my debate, Luna huffed.â€œBecause lifeâ€™s a bitch,â€� she growled under her breath, sulking. â€œThatâ€™s why.

Clearly, this was another thing I needed to add to the: â€˜repetitive cycle of things that were constantly happening in my lifeâ€™ list, which currently contained fainting and my ability to find trouble.

Of course they were eaten,â€� he retorted, his eyes flashing in cold humour. â€œTrolls generally arenâ€™t exactly renowned for being vegetarians.

Wellâ€¦itâ€™s whether you want to face certain death by taking a risk on the other route or almost certain death by scaling the walls?â€� she replied. â€œTherefore, for me, considering our options, itâ€™s a no brainer.

Man Iâ€™m hot,â€� I exclaimed, fanning myself. The combination of climbing out of the cave and the sun meant that I was perspiring like crazy. â€œWhy thank you,â€� retorted Blaine, smirking. â€œIâ€™m pleased that my presence causes that kind of reaction.

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