Funny Quotes - Page 19

After a few seconds of scraping, I realize what he has isn’t a trail, it’s a whole forest! Ack! Weren’t all men supposed to shave their chest and stuff nowadays? Whatever happened to having fuzz-free Hollywood heroes as role models? At least my embarrassment is completely foregone by the irritation at his lack of upkeep. The only thing distracting me now is that heady mix of musk, shaving cream and a distinctly…male scent. And God knows that is one seriously jeopardizing distraction. Especially with a whizzing needle in one’s hand.

Rucy Ban

Neil Mars?! I could blame him for having killer looks but he could not be faulted for this. He couldn’t have chosen that name for himself. No wonder he tortures his Mom by calling her by her name.

Rucy Ban

And you don't ever have to worry about what I feel. The way I feel about you won't change. You can do whatever you like to me. You could turn this town to dust, burn the woods until they were cinders, you could cut out my heart. It wouldn't matter. It would not change a thing.""What if I ate a baby?"Jared's mouth curved up at the corners, slow and not cruel at all. "I'm sure you'd have a good reason," he said.

Sarah Rees Brennan

This was getting bloody ridiculous, he thought savagely. If she became any more adorable, endearing, or delectable, something was going to get broken.Most likely his heart.

Lisa Kleypas

And how did you know about that?” Seven looked at his watch. Chase held up a hand. “Let me guess, in two minutes and thirty seconds, I was going to tell you Martin called.”“No.”“No?”“Six minutes and fifteen seconds. You had a couple of false starts. Then you were going to apologize because he wouldn’t help you by putting you in touch with his contacts in Washington.”“Something tells me you’re going to be no fun come Christmas.

Adrienne Wilder

He laughed, a big, open-mouthed laugh that made her think of words beginning with the letter O.

Kerrigan Bane

Well, go on then, Abby; run along and let the nice man compromise you.

Anne Gracie

They’d be complaining about having to walk, and screeching at me to ‘do something, Freddy, do something!’”“But what could you do?” she said, puzzled.“Carry them, probably.” He gave her a hopeful look. “Do you want me to carry you?

Anne Gracie

Julian smiled back, his full lips pulled back over white teeth as he rolled the blanket back a little bit. “Is he really a heart breaker?” t“I’m the breakiest of heart breakers,” Leo interjected, his tone deadpan as he dumped a handful of greens into the pot on the stove. tJulian wrinkled his nose. “That’s not even a word,” He complained and fell into a sulky silence from his place on the bed.

Hazel Blackthorn

Knives and candlelight,” he said, “how romantic.

Nenia Campbell

You know, every bad guy was once good until he crossed a line. I don’t think they come out of the womb being assholes.

Laurann Dohner

Bitterblue had never seen a man naked, and she was curious. She decided the universe owed her a few minutes, just a few, to satisfy her curiosity. So she went to him and knelt, which shut him up.

Kristin Cashore

The same beautiful receptionist greeted Christian who had met him before and she extended the same lush invitation as she had the last time. Victoria's eyes narrowed and Christian chuckled under his breath at her jealousy."Relax chérie, she's paid to do that." "Well, she didn't come on to me, so obviously she's not doing her job properly," Victoria said. Christian laughed.

Amalie Howard

You’re seventeen! Why do I have to keep reminding you of that? There are soooo many women you haven’t even met yet! Don’t act like you’re tired of the puss-puss, no guy is ever tired of the puss-puss.

Sara Wolf

I mean if there was any justice in the world you wouldn't even have to go to school during your period. You'd just stay home for five days and eat chocolate and cry.

Andrea Portes

It was as if when he left he'd taken some of the screws that held her together and now all she could do was walk around all wonky and falling apart

Virginia Macgregor

But as an escort it’s our duty to hold their attention and play with their heads. The one between their ears and the one in their pants.

S.K Logsdon

First of all is the fact that I have some rather good turns of phrase. I don't say that pridefully ... it's just that when a line I forgot about smacks me in the face and says, "Look at me! Aren't I lovely?" I have to notice.

Rachel Heffington

I enjoy self-publishing & sending publishers rejection letters. They're like, 'Who is this guy?' And I'm like, 'the end of your industry.

Ryan Lilly

The thing about being a screenwriter, scriptwriter, or scenarist, You get to have multiple personalities and not be charged!

Funny

Where did the stereotypical image of the reclusive author in a bathrobe and slippers, indulging in vices and spending hours before a typewriter, even come from? I don't know about you, but most writers don't have the luxury of doing any of this. Otherwise we'd have no life experience and nothing to write about, anyway.

Rebecca McNutt

life has a funny way of testing you to see if you really want, what you say you want.

Turcois Ominek

I never said you were supposed to be a jailer, i only said a normal person would have questioned why someone would create a decoy nun and then crawl out the window.

Janette Rallison

We often hear that mathematics consists mainly of 'proving theorems.' Is a writer's job mainly that of 'writing sentences?

Gian-Carlo Rota

I remember calling the council's cemetery department to ask about body decomposition in different soil types. Once they had verified that I was a novelist and not a sicko, they were extremely helpful.

Sara Sheridan

Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another.

Elizabeth Eulberg

Crazy moment!! When you suddenly laughed because you remember something funny and then realised that strangers were lookin at you weirdly (why the hell he's laughin) and immediately you changed your expression to serious.

Khaled Besrour

Don't think about the writing process too much. Just do one thing: tell the motherfucking story.

Don Roff

In any given situation there will always be more dumb people than smart people. We ain't many!

Ken Kesey

We had an unspoken love for one another. Probably because she’d never talk to me or return my phone calls or texts.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

She told me she loved me. She told me a lot of things. Some of those things were true, and some of those may or may not have been true. It’s kind of hard to tell, because to be honest, I wasn’t listening.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

Extroverts communicate well with others, Introverts communicate well with themselves

Pablo

Using love as a bait and replacing respect with ego-pampering makes you a skillful social animal; unfortunately, all kinds of animals are less evolved than human beings. Would you like to evolve?

Saurabh Sharma

I knew it!" he cried, jubilant. "I thought 'twas you, but there's more of you now. You should've seenthe likes of her, boys," he said, turning towards the other convicts as he pointed at Kel. "We was all outlaws, livin' on the edges, and this bunch of pages stumbled into our camp. We chased 'em back in a canyon, and her -" he jabbed his finger at Kel - "she gutted ol' Breakbone Dell, and him the meanest dog-skinner you'd ever hope to meet. Stood there afoot, her and her spear, cool as meltwater with Breakbone ridin' down on her with that neck-cutter sword of his. First time she got 'im in the leg, second in the tripes, and he was done. Her and six lads held us all back, just them. There she was, eyes like stone and that bloody spear in her hand. Lady." He bowed deep. Kel looked at him, not sure what to say. Finally she asked, "What's your name, soldier?""Me? Gilab Lofts - Gil. Lady. It's - it's good to see you well." He bowed again and returned to hisseat, whispering with the men on either side of him.Kel waited for them to quiet once again before she said ruefully, "I'm not sure that being known forgutting a man is exactly a recommendation for a commander.""It is in the north!" cried someone. Several men laughed outright; others grinned.

Tamora Pierce

I suppose.” Mousefur sniffed. “No doubt it’ll be up to me to teach them manners. Kits nowadays don’t know how to show any respect.”Jayfeather’s whiskers twitched with amusement.“Don’t you believe it,” Purdy whispered. “She was teaching Lilykit and Seedkit how to reach under the wall of the warriors’ den and catch stray tails yesterday.

Erin Hunter

I don't think my mum ever understood my love of Doctor Who. Surely her strongest memory would have been me, standing at the top of the stairs, crying about how the "jelly men" were going to get me? Sorry, Mum, for those sleepless nights, but it was with good reason they called it Terror of the Zygons.

Steve Berry

That’s a Planeswalker demon.” Dante slumped into the seat behind her. “You aren’t crazy.” Meg slid him a bemused glance. “I thought we’d settled that a few weeks back.”“Nope,” he said,shaking his head. “I was still certain you were loony.”“Then why have you been helping me?”“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, sweetheart, but you have fabulous tits,” Dante said with a sigh. “I figured once you gave up on the whole idea of being queen of the faery world, you might consider sleeping with me. Now I see that demons are real. I’m going to church tomorrow.

Sophie Oak

Graves leaned forward, eyeing me. “Hey, Dru. You were French-kissing awinged snake. Creeptastic.

Lili St. Crow

It’s a long shot, but this baby is pretty cool.” He pushed the button that brought up the menu. “I need to run a search.”“Of course, master,” the computer said with an inviting smile. “Which pornographic material should I seek out today?”Dante grinned. “Really? You can do that?” He felt Meg’s stare. “Nothing like that.

Sophie Oak

In lieu of Tasers, you'll have to hit me. Hard as you can. Then maybe some kind of fight-or-flight response will kick in and I'll turn into a bat to get away from you.""Fight or flight.""Yes.""Only half of that is flight.

Adam Rex

No tricks, Syn,” Ryder growled from where he stood a few feet away.“Tricks are for kids, silly rabbit,” I said

Amelia Hutchins

Wrangling the cat into the cage proved interesting, and Josie had several scratches before Clint bent down and let out a menacing growl. The cat took one look at him and with a disdainful sniff, turned to march into the cage.

Eve Langlais

I might be able to walk away from sexy, dangerous shifters, but chocolate had me at its beck and call.

Meghan Ciana Doidge

This was sharing office space with wacko and bordering on ludicrous.

Kelly Moran

She had yet to actually call him by his real name. The psychologist in him had all kinds of theories as to why. The man in him wanted to hear her say it. Just once.

Kelly Moran

Balls to ten minutes.

Kristen Ashley

They told me that nothing was a sin, just a poor life choice. Poor impulse control. That nothing is evil. Any concept of right versus wrong, according to them, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. They said that if anything should force us to modify our personal behavior it should be our allegiance to a social contract, not some vague, externally imposed threat of flaming punishment.

Chuck Palahniuk

If heaven was created only for the most stupid clown, then Mr Bean could have been the only righteous man on earth.

Michael Bassey Johnson

Theologians should study in a seminary and before graduating they should make a visit to heaven and hell after which they should submit their thesis and graduate.

Bangambiki Habyarimana

That awkward moment when you realize someone was actually home the whole time you were singing on the tops of your lungs.

Kasey Collin P. Dumdum

I feel a strange sensation brewing inside of me. It tickles my throat and forces my lips into a grin. Before I can stifle it, I giggle. And then I laugh.

Kristen Simmons

Oh, God, if I'm anything by a clinical name, I'm a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I think people are plotting to make me happy.

J.D. Salinger

In the morning, people have a plan for that day. Hardworking people think of what they will do during the day, and idle people on what they should do.

Eraldo Banovac

I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty,” I told her.Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: “It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring.

Bill Cosby

I’d given him bits and pieces of my peculiar life, but colored softer and funnier than they had been. I’d painted my dad as Don Quixote in a semi, on a quest for philosophical truths and the best cup of coffee in the nation.

Laurie Halse Anderson

If a woman cannot make her mistakes charming, she is only a female.

Oscar Wilde

You gotta be optimistic to be single. Stupid! You have to be stupid. That's what optimistic means, you know. It means stupid. An optimist is somebody that goes, 'Hey, maybe something nice will happen!' Why the fuck would anything nice ever happen? What are you, stupid?

Louis C.K.

In between bites of banana, Mr. Remora would tell stories, and the children would write the stories down in notebooks, and every so often there would be a test. The stories were very short, and there were a whole lot of them on every conceivable subject. "One day I went to the store to purchase a carton of milk," Mr. Remora would say, chewing on a banana. "When I got home, I poured the milk into a glass and drank it. Then I watched television. The end." Or: "One afternoon a man named Edward got into a green truck and drove to a farm. The farm had geese and cows. The end." Mr. Ramora would tell story after story, and eat banana after banana, and it would get more and more difficult for Violet to pay attention.

Lemony Snicket

Plot twist: everything goes exactly as planned.

Criss Jami

Thank you. For being willing to talk. For not turning me in. For... being you.''I'm pretty good at being me,' I said. 'I've had all these years to practice--I hardly ever get it wrong these days.

Brandon Sanderson

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Funny Quotes - Page 19

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