Funny Quotes - Page 17

ONLY' having the Gift, people appreciate this madness as Art. Everybody wants to have Art in their lives, but no body wants to have what the Art came out from in their lives...

Hiroko Sakai

Some things are so silly they have a certain brilliance to them. Other things, set as standards for brilliance and therefore exalted by many who don't know why, become tarnished because of it.

Criss Jami

When a boy's first romantic interlude is with Pheobe the Dog-Faced Girl, he feels a need to get out into the world and find a new life.

Annette Curtis Klause

I'm going to put the moves on her,' he says gravely. 'Things might get weird.' He says it like a commando setting up a midnight raid. Like: Sure, this is going to be extraordinarily dangerous, but don't worry. I've done it before.

Robin Sloan

I understand we'll be attending your friend Miss Worthington's Christmas ball. Perhaps I'll find a suitable-- which is to say wealthy-- wife among the ladies attending."And perhaps they will run screaming for the convent.

Libba Bray

Do you like my brother?" And there goes Dan's confidence. He keeps his eyes resolutely on the field. "Uh... yes? I mean... I think everyone likes your brother, don't they?" She leans over and gives him a little hip check. "No, you know what I mean. Do you /like/ him?" Dan just states out at the horses, hoping that one of them will do something, anything, to distract this girl from her question. But the horses just keep grazing and Tat continues. "'Cause he likes you. I mean, he likes Jeff, too, but... you can like two people at once, right?" "Uh... yes? I think you can like two people at once." "Yeah. I know it's none of my business or whatever, but... I just wanted to make sure you know... if you like him, that's cool with me. I mean, I like Jeff too, but... you know." Dan has a brief moment of wanting to shake her. No, he /doesn't/ know. Is everything really so clear to everyone but him? Is he just adding extra complications where they don't need to be? Then he remembers that he's talking to a fifteen-year-old girl. Maybe she shouldn't be the arbiter of what's simple or complicated. He realizes that she's still waiting for a response from him. "Okay, well... thanks for letting me know." "Are you guys going to, like... date?""Sweet Jesus, Tat, I don't know!" Possibly that's a bit of an overreaction, but she looks more amused than upset. "All right, all right...." She gets a mischievous look in her eyes.

Kate Sherwood

I try to hook you up every day. What's the point of calendars without dates?

Lauren Kate

It's all chop-change chop-change with you. Either go out with me and treat me nicely, or leave me alone. As I say, I am not interested in fuckwittage.

Helen Fielding

Can I speak to Sayvyer, please?”“You’re looking for the savior? At 1:15 a.m.?”“No. her name’s Sayvyer.”“There’s no savior here. Especially not at 1:15 a.m.

Zack Love

One girl raved about a nice voicemail a guy had recently left her. I kindly requested she play it and heard this gem: 'Hey, Lydia. It's Sam. Just calling to say what's up. Gimme a ring when you get a chance.'THAT WAS IT.I pleaded to know what was so great about this. She sweetly recalled that 'he remembered my name, he said hi, and he told me to call him back.'Never mind the fact that what she described was the content of LITERALLY EVERY VOICE MAIL IN HISTORY. Name, hello, please call back. Not really a boatload of charm on display. To fail this test, a guy would have to leave a message that said: 'No greeting. This is man. I don't remember you. End communication.

Aziz Ansari

Hormones, it seemed, we're making a much-delayed appearance in her life.Liv was horrified.

Danika Stone

It's like playing the lottery. It doesn't matter how extremely low the chances are of winning. You gotta be in it to win it. Hitting on every girl in sight is like buying a whole lot of lottery tickets. You never know, one day one of them might actually pay off.

Oliver Markus

I attacked him, he healed me, then he took me hunting, I threatened him, and he took me home. Wow. That was like a date.

Juliann Whicker

It wasn't like there was a dating and mating website for bear shifters. If there had been, its mascot would have been that yellow Care Bear with the heart on its stomach.

Lila Felix

I call the right axe Sorrow," she said. "You know what I call the left one?" "Happiness?" "Sorrow. I can't tell them apart.

Lev Grossman

don't just listen to people crying, hear the reasons why they cry

Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

It's very important my parent's don't think I'm starting to fall in love with people, because then they might notice that I'm growing up, and I'm kind of trying to keep it a secret. I think it will cause an incident

Caitlin Moran

It's not funny anymore...", did you heard your self, you are entering a position called, "I wanna be a victim..., please take me".

Deyth Banger

The only person I compete with is Satan. If that happens to be you, then could you please move out of the way? You’re standing in Christ’s spot.

Shannon L. Alder

Let's see if your right foot is as fearless as your mouth.

Doug Solter

Everyone loves a kick-ass girl. (Well- maybe not her enemies, but you know what I mean.)

Sarah Cross

And honestly, given the choice of facing my mother or a vampire, I think I'd always choose the latter.

Krystle Jones

His ears caught a sweet chiming noise, and a moment later a warm rush fell over his body. How we doing Rhage? Too hot? Butch's voice. Up close. The cop was in the shower with him. And he smelled Turkish tobacco. V must be in the bathroom too. Hollywood? This too hot for you? No. He reached around for the soap, fumbling. Can't see. Just as well. No reason for you to know what we look naked together. Frankly, I'm traumatized enough for the both of us. Rhage smiled a little as a washcloth scrubbed over his face, neck and chest.

J.R. Ward

Kylie flopped back against the seat again, enjoying the look of disbelief on the vampire’s face a littletoo much. “Would you like a name of a good doctor who will schedule your little snip-snip operation?”she bit out.

C.C. Hunter

Aline!" Isabelle looked appalled. "You can't just go around asking people what it's like to be a vampire.

Cassandra Clare

The door opens and my new neighbor is a vampire. He’s nearly a foot taller than me. Unruly ink-black hair, and a face made of knife angles. If I were obnoxious, I might use the term shockingly attractive . Or terrifyingly handsome . Holy mother of balls would also be an option.

Eva Morgan

As my laughter faded, he shot me an amused glance. "You should laugh more often. It's far less nauseating than your speaking voice." "That may be the nicest thing you've ever said to me." "Don't let it go to your head.

Cecily White

After that came her biggie: a triple murder--her dealer, the dealer's sister, and the dealer's sister's boyfriend.Reading that made me feel a little funny that we'd fucked and I'd loved her.

George Saunders

Tex's head snapped in my direction.Fuckin' A, woman, you've never had a s'more? he boomedI shook my head.Christ, everyone's gotta have a s'more before they die. Fuck that shit, I'll build a fire in my backyard tonight and I'll stop by Kumar's on the way home to get the stuff. Everyone can come by-

Kristen Ashley

I didn't actually know what regret tasted like—but I imagined if it did have a flavor, it would be lutefisk.

Angela N. Blount

What is Hell like?" I blurted out before I could stop myself. Damn my curiosity. "You've never been there?" He eyed me suspiciously. Yeah, I went to Hell every summer for vacation.

Alycia Linwood

If you do bad stuff and don't repent, you go to hell," Orc said, like he was begging for a refutation."Yeah, well, you know what? If Howard's in hell, I guess we can all have a big get-together soon enough. a

Michael Grant

I'm simpley one hell of a butler.

Sebastian Michealis

We must have taken a wrong turn turning somewhere.""Where, Purgatory?" said Dozy. "We're in Hell.

John Connolly

Jehovah’s Witness? Don’t sweat it. I’m going to hell, already booked my ticket. Bright side? I’m pagan. Your hell is my heaven... if for no other reason than you won’t be there.

Dennis Sharpe

That was his cover story. Architecture… a job that would take him out of town often and would require long hours and meetings that wouldn’t allow him to answer his phone. Of course, he had to have a good cover. Cell coverage in Hell was spotty.

Danielle James

What the hell kind of Hell was this supposed to be?

Jim Butcher

Somehow, I think God will forgive her. If not, eh, Hell has better parties anyway.

C.T. Phipps

An educated theologian: someone who's better at rationalizing what they're pretending to know.

Peter Boghossian

I recommend you don't attend the wheat and chaff bonfire.

M.J. McGuire

If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Margherita Margheritone put the pot of water on the fire and the Wicked Witch emptied the sack into it and the little wash-bear jumped out and started biting both of them, went down into the yard and started eating the hens, and threw all the rubbish into the air.

Niccolò Ammaniti

Oh don’t be such a fuss pot,” said the fairy, “or I’ll call you Fussy Pants, instead of Silly Pants!

Julie B. Campbell

The world is your lobster!

Arthur Daley

It is funny that those who make the laws by which we are expected to live are usually the ones who have no regard for it.

Paul Bamikole

Am I suggesting that you must feel sorry for divorce lawyers and prepare to pay every penny of their fees? Of course not! You deserve justice, and the lawyer can be lured into delivering said justice at a seriously discounted price!

Portia Porter

Making love to a person in their sleep is the only guarantee they'll wake up with a smile on their face.

Bauvard

In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.

Dark Jar Tin Zoo

So he slips his head off of Jeff's shoulder and slides out from under Evan's Armand shuffles down to the bottom of the bed. It doesn't have a lot of dignity this part of their sleeping arrangement. He's complained about this before but Jeff just nodded, and Evan had kissed the back of his neck, and they'd both snuggled in a little tighter, pinning him in the middle even more effectively than before.

Kate Sherwood

It's four A.M.! Who goes to bed this early!?

Jeff Hirsch

Be honest with yourself; set the alarm for the time the Real You will get up, not the Ambitious You, because the Ambitious You doesn't really exist.

Laurie Notaro

I really think I'd be better at, like, advanced napping techniques.

Tui T. Sutherland

The fastest way to end an argument with your wife is to admit she’s right.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Nice guys finish last but bad guys don't finish at all.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Boys are raw materials that women manufacture into products called men.

Matshona Dhliwayo

I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Of course I love you. For real. I will sure come and personally meet you myself. Just to make sure you're well. When is your funeral?

Fakeer Ishavardas

There was a seminar for advanced students in Zürich that I was teaching and von Neumann was in the class. I came to a certain theorem, and I said it is not proved and it may be difficult. Von Neumann didn’t say anything but after five minutes he raised his hand. When I called on him he went to the blackboard and proceeded to write down the proof. After that I was afraid of von Neumann.

George Pólya

Mathematics education is much more complicated than you expected, even though you expected it to be more complicated than you expected.

Edward Griffith Begle

Jace: Herondale, on the other hand, is melodic. Dulcet, one might say. Think of the sound of 'Clary Herondale.'Clary: Oh, my god, that sounds horrible.Jace: We all must sacrifice for love.

Cassandra Clare

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Funny Quotes - Page 17

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