Funny Quote Quotes

As one would expect, the Pope’s schedule is quite disciplined—he wakes up at four o’clock each morning and runs on the treadmill for an hour. I’m totally kidding. Nobody’s knees have time for that.

I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you're here?

If men could be bought like clothes at an outlet, only then would women always get what they bargained for.

Matshona Dhliwayo

Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.

Matshona Dhliwayo

The world’s most lethal venom is not found on the tongues of serpents, but on the tongues of a disgruntled wife.

Matshona Dhliwayo

GPS has saved countless relationships because us men do not like to ask for directions. Now if women could only come with relationship GPS we would be one step closer to world peace.