Funny But True Quotes

I treat my thoughts like an old person treats their valuables: I cannot for the life of me proceed to throwing them out.

Look at the huge success of Fifty Shades of Grey. The girl in the book lets a rich guy beat her and ritually rape her, and she likes it! She finds it erotic! But imagine if Christian Grey wasn't a billionaire. Imagine if he lived in a dirty old trailer down by the river. Then that story wouldn't be a sexy romance novel, but an episode of CSI.

Be careful not to appear obsessively intellectual. When intelligence fills up, it overflows a parody.

When guys try to get a good job and make a lot of money, it's so that they can find a good mate, because they know women like guys with money. Big tits are to men, what big wallets are to women. A sexy woman can have almost any man she wants. And a rich guy can have almost any woman he wants.

To be a philosopher, just reverse everything you have ever been told...and have a sense of humor doing it.