Funny And Random Quotes

The sooner the jihadis go up to their imagined #heaven, the sooner our earth would be a heaven.

Fakeer Ishavardas

My book sales are way down today. Also, I've received two scathing reviews. One of them calls me “a purveyor of insipid wet-dreams.

Of course I love you. For real. I will sure come and personally meet you myself. Just to make sure you're well. When is your funeral?

Fakeer Ishavardas

People in hell want snowcones.

If anybody tells says you have to follow his or her #religion or you're going to hell, tell that silly ass to go to hell. Be well.

Fakeer Ishavardas

What’s not to love? I made friends with a pretty girl and now we get to plan a castle break in. This beats the day to day kill, eat and survive.

Emilyann Girdner

The wider you spread your fingers apart while clapping is equal to the amount of retarded you look while clapping.

Christy Leigh Stewart

Yes, an actual full-sized camel. If you find that confusing, just think how the criosphinx must have felt.Where did the camel come from, you ask? I may have mentioned Walt’s collection of amulets. Two of them summoned disgusting camels. I’dmet them before, so I was less than excited when a ton of dromedary flesh flew across my line of sight, plowed into the sphinx, and collapsed on topof it. The sphinx growled in outrage as it tried to free itself. The camel grunted and farted.“Hindenburg,” I said. Only one camel could possibly fart that badly. “Walt, why in the world—?”“Sorry!” he yelled. “Wrong amulet!”The technique worked, at any rate. The camel wasn’t much of a fighter, but it was quite heavy and clumsy. The criosphinx snarled and clawedat the floor, trying unsuccessfully to push the camel off; but Hindenburg just splayed his legs, made alarmed honking sounds, and let loose gas.I moved to Walt’s side and tried to get my bearings.

The wider you spread your fingers apart while clapping is equal to the amount of retarded you look while clapping.

Christy Leigh Stewart