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Oh, look, the lights are so pretty,” I said dreamily, having just noticedthem.I smiled at the way the lights were dancing overhead, pink and yellow andblue. I felt some pressure on my arm and thought, I should look over and seewhat’s going on, but then the thought was gone, sliding away like Jell-O off ahot car hood.“Fang?”“Yeah. I’m here.”I struggled to focus on him. “I’m so glad you’re here.”“Yeah, I got that.”“I don’t know what I’d do without you.” I peered up at him, trying to seepast the too-bright lights.“You’d be fine,” he muttered.“No,” I said, suddenly struck by how unfine I would be. “I would be totallyunfine. Totally.” It seemed very urgent that he understand this.Again I felt some tugging on my arm, and I really wondered what that wasabout. Was Ella’s mom going to start this procedure any time soon?“It’s okay. Just relax.” He sounded stiff and nervous. “Just...relax. Don’ttry to talk.”“I don’t want my chip anymore,” I explained groggily, then frowned.“Actually, I never wanted that chip.”“Okay,” said Fang. “We’re taking it out.”“I just want you to hold my hand.”“I am holding your hand.”“Oh. I knew that.” I drifted off for a few minutes, barely aware ofanything, but feeling Fang’s hand still in mine.“Do you have a La-Z-Boy somewhere?” I roused myself to ask, every word aneffort.“Um, no,” said Ella’s voice, somewhere behind my head.“I think I would like a La-Z-Boy,” I mused, letting my eyes drift shutagain. “Fang, don’t go anywhere.”“I won’t. I’m here.”“Okay. I need you here. Don’t leave me.”“I won’t.”“Fang, Fang, Fang,” I murmured, overwhelmed with emotion. “I love you. Ilove you sooo much.” I tried to hold out my arms to show how much, but Icouldn’t move them.“Oh, jeez,” Fang said, sounding strangled.
James Patterson
To be alive is to be dizzy and not to know exactly where to go.
Ander Monson
Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
Søren Kierkegaard
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