Comedy Quotes - Page 2

The girl says "Oh uh-uh, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a whore!" Which is true, Gentlemen, that is true. Just because they dress a certain way doesn't mean they are a certain way. Don't even forget it. But ladies, you must understand that is fucking confusing. It just is. Now that would be like me, Dave Chappelle, the comedian, walking down the street in a cop uniform. Somebody might run up on me saying, "Oh, thank God. Officer, help us! Come on. They're over here. Help us!" "Oh-hoh! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a police officer!" See what I mean? All right, ladies, fine. You are not a whore. But you are wearing a whore's uniform.

With right fashion, every female would be a flame.

Any girl with a grin never looks grim.

An old fashioned outfit is not a costume, it's a comedy.

Fashion doesn't make you perfect, but it makes you pretty.

Dresses won't worn out in the wardrobe, but that is not what dresses are designed for.

Dresses don't look beautiful on hangers.

It's time to shop high heels if your fiance kisses you on the forehead.

Hands can cook, hands can create, hands can kill. There is no better tool than our hands.

Oh honey, someday a real man is going to make you see stars and you won't even be looking at the sky." Excerpt from Grace Willow's Last Minute Bride

They're so broke that they've actually cut essential services. In many places, they've cut policemen, because, who the fuck needs them? Or firemen, son of a bitch, it's much more fun watching something burn down.

To be a philosopher, just reverse everything you have ever been told...and have a sense of humor doing it.

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

Chelsea Handler