Absurd Quotes - Page 3

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

Garrison Keillor

No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled. "Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?""What?""Oh, you'd like something simpler?

Terry Pratchett

To you, I'm an atheist.To God, I'm the loyal opposition.

Applaud my idiocy.

Children and dogs are the messengers of God some of us do not deserve them

Ginnetta Correli

You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.

When all else fails, there's always delusion.

The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Beauty is a whore, I like money better.

Michael Cunningham

What is called a reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying.

My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.

My love is pizza shaped. Won’t you have a slice? It’s circular, so there’s enough to go around.

Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited.

William Goldman