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Wait,” I say. “Aren’t soulmates supposed to be perfect? What if you find yours and shes not a virgin, not even a girl? What if he’s a fixer upper? What if he has an STD?

Joey Comeau
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Kissing girls is easy, like breaking windows.
Joey Comeau
We are terrible for each other, and, yes, we are a disaster. But tell me your heart doesn't race for a hurricane or a burning building. I'd rather die terrified than live forever.
Joey Comeau
I break into heterosexual houses so I can masturbate in their heterosexual kitchens
Joey Comeau
She needs you, Dad," Julia says. "She has unfinished business in this world.""What is the matter with you?" Charlie asks his daughter. "Any sane person would have told me to go to the doctor. I'm seeing a headless apparition every day. Maybe my medications are conflicting. You should see the list of side effects on this stuff.
Joey Comeau
I love those dark moments in Peanuts. I love that they're in there, that Charles Schulz put the sad lonely bits of himself into the comic. I love the silliness too, the dancing Snoopy strips. The little boy Rerun drawing "basement" comics about Tarzan fighting Daffy Duck in a helicopter. Those are the bits that keep me reading. The funny parts! The fun parts. The silly bits that don't make any sense. And when I get to the sad lonely Peppermint Patty standing in a field wondering why nobody shook hands and said "good game," well, it works because that's not all she was. I try to think that way about everything. That's the kind of person I want to be.
Joey Comeau
I think it would be cool if we wore suits while we committed these violent acts of retribution. Not fancy suits. No. Cheap suits that we won't mind ruining. Then if we're caught by the police, well, think how amazing we'll look! All bloody and torn and grizzled.Plus, suits look official. They would add an air of credibility to our campaign of blood drenched disproportionate responses.
Joey Comeau
It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty. I am gonna drink it through this crazy straw.
Joey Comeau
Having all the answers just means you've been asking boring questions.
Joey Comeau
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