Quotes by Television Hosts - Page 11

I hope I make people feel better. I hope I take people out of their situations a little bit and make them happier. That's really why I do what I do.
Ellen DeGeneres
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Oprah Winfrey
Happiness does not come from a job. It comes from knowing what you truly value, and behaving in a way that’s consistent with those beliefs.
Mike Rowe
The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.
Oprah Winfrey
She still cared for me, and the best way I could make amends to her was to be happy.I do have a knack for finding great women.
Craig Ferguson
Life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy by yourself and for yourself. Happiness comes from within. You have the power to change your own mindset so that all the negative, horrible thoughts that try to invade your psyche are replaced with happy, positive, wonderful thoughts.
Ellen DeGeneres
The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.
Ellen DeGeneres
Every action, thought and feeling is motivated by an intention, and that intention is a cause that exists as one with an effect. If we participate in the cause, it is not possible for us not to participate in the effect. In this most profound way, we are held responsible for our every action, thought, and feeling which is to say, for our every intention…it is therefore, wise for us to become aware of the many intentions that inform our experience, to sort out which intentions produce which effects, and to choose our intentions according to the effects that we desire to produce.
Oprah Winfrey
dont aom for success if u want it just do what u love n believe in and it wil come naturaly.
David Frost
Opportunity may knock only once but temptation leans on the door bell
Oprah Winfrey
I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day.
Ellen DeGeneres
Do not ignore you gift. Your gift is the thing you do the absolute BEST with the LEAST amount of effort."~Steve Harvey
Steve Harvey
True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.
Ellen DeGeneres
Listen. Pay attention. Treasure every moment.
Oprah Winfrey
People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.
Craig Ferguson
All pain is the same.
Oprah Winfrey
But humans disappoint. Adam, in tasting the fruit, indicates that he prefers Eve to God, so God banishes them.
Bruce Feiler
Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.
Ellen DeGeneres
If we amplify everything, we hear nothing.
Jon Stewart
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.
Craig Ferguson
The single best thing about coming out of the closet is that nobody can insult you by telling you what you've just told them.
Rachel Maddow
How can I know for sure if it's my son speaking and not you?""You never can, my lord. Just as no man can ever be sure that he alone is a thinking and feeling creature and everyone else a machine that only pretends to feel and think.
Paul Hoffman
Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity. Don't fight them. Just find a new way to stand.
Oprah Winfrey
There's an old, frequently-used definition of insanity, which is "performing the same action over and over, expecting different results."... Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my professional opinion, George Bush is a paranoid schizophrenic. ......Other symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia are: Do you see things that aren't there? Such as a link between 9/11 and Iraq? Do you - do you feel things that you shouldn't be feeling, like a sense of accomplishment? Do you have trouble organizing words into a coherent sentence? Do you hear voices that aren't really there? Like, oh, I don't know, your imaginary friend, Jesus? Telling you to start a war in the Middle East.Well, guess what? There are a large number of people out there also suffering from the same delusions, because there are Republicans, there are conservatives, and then there are the Bushies. This is the 29 percent of Americans who still think he's doing "a heck of a job, Whitey." And I don't believe that it's coincidence that almost the same number of Americans - 25 percent - told a recent pollster that they believe that this year - this year, 2007 - would bring the Second Coming of Christ!I have a hunch these are the same people. Because, if you think that you're going to meet Jesus before they cancel "Ugly Betty," then you're used to doing things by faith. And if you have so much blind faith that you think this war is winnable, you're nuts and you shouldn't be allowed near a voting booth.
Bill Maher
You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.
Chelsea Handler
The internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom.
Jon Stewart
Let him treat you like a lady and open the car door for you. If he doesn't automatically open the door for you, stand by the darn thing and don't get into the vehicle until he realises he needs to get hid behind out of the driver's seat and come round and open the car door for you. That's his job!
Steve Harvey
By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
Jon Stewart
My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.
Chelsea Handler
Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain,you hear what they're saying and that boosts your health and happiness. "Knock Knock... Who's There?.. Little endorphin... Little endorphin who?... Little Endorphin Annie." And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science.
Ellen DeGeneres
My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.
Chelsea Handler
One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.
Ellen DeGeneres
Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.
Chelsea Handler
Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.
Ellen DeGeneres
Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. I just haven't met that guy yet. When you meet him, let's get him in to the Smithsonian - he's that special and rare.
Steve Harvey
Get there early because hope does not park your mother-fucking car.
Jon Stewart
My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.
Chelsea Handler
What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to texting that they’re actually startled when the phone rings. It’s like we suddenly all have Batphones. If it rings, there must be danger. Now we answer, “What happened? Is someone tied up in the old sawmill?”“No, it’s Becky. I just called to say hi.”“Well you scared me half to death. You can’t just pick up the phone and try to talk to me like that. Don’t the tips of your fingers work?
Ellen DeGeneres
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
Ellen DeGeneres
Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.
Chelsea Handler
Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
Chelsea Handler
Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. Listen to the music. Whoa whoa, listen to the music. Because music makes the people come together, it makes the bourgeois and the rebel. So come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody try to love one another. Because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And I know that love is a battlefield, but boogie on reggae woman because you're gonna make it after all. So celebrate good times, come on. I've gotta stop I've gotta come to my senses, I've been out riding fences for so long... oops I did it again... um... What I'm trying to say is, if you leave tonight and you don't remember anything else that I've said, leave here and remember this: Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
Ellen DeGeneres
You're an investigator - can't nobody find stuff out like a woman. Y'all put the police to shame, make the little investigative tricks they show on CSI and Law & Order: SVU look like counting lessons on Sesame Street.
Steve Harvey
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
Ellen DeGeneres
You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.
Jon Stewart
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
Jon Stewart
Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively.
Jon Stewart
Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
Ellen DeGeneres
There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
Chelsea Handler
A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.
Conan O'Brien
Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.
Jon Stewart
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
Ellen DeGeneres
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.
Ellen DeGeneres
Above all things physical, it is more important to be beautiful on the inside - to have a big hear and an open mind and a spectacular spleen.
Ellen DeGeneres
It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.
Ellen DeGeneres
You look at yourself and you accept yourself for who you are, and once you accept yourself for who you are you become a better person.
Oprah Winfrey
If you are her man, she will talk to you until there justaren’t any more words left to say, encourage you when you’reat rock bottom and think there just isn’t any way out, hold youin her arms when you’re sick, and laugh with you when you’reup. And if you’re her man and that woman loves you—I meanreally loves you?—she will shine you up when you’re dusty,encourage you when you’re down, defend you even when she’snot so sure you were right, and hang on your every word, evenwhen you’re not saying anything worth listening to.
Steve Harvey
In the mist of Difficulty lies Opportunity.
Oprah Winfrey
Self-esteem comes from being able to define the world in your own terms and refusing to abide by the judgments of others.
Oprah Winfrey
Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.
Ellen DeGeneres