Quotes by Satirists - Page 9

A live broke man is 'luckier' than a dead rich man.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A lucky man is rarer than a white crow.
Juvenal
Worry is to human beings … what a condom is to a man with erectile dysfunction.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Being in a hurry is the father of stress and worry.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Chances are that whatever that you are worried about—be it a person or a thing—isn’t worried about you.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The religious worry about life after death at the expense of life before death.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Don't judge a man by his opinions, but what his opinions have made of him.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Time limps when you are not having fun.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Give me a scholar, therefore, who is able to think and to write, to look with an eye of discernment into things, and to do business himself, if called upon, who hath both civil and military knowledge; one, moreover, who has been in camps, and has seen armies in the field and out of it; knows the use of arms, and machines, and warlike engines of every kind; can tell what the front, and what the horn is, how the ranks are to be disposed, how the horse is to be directed, and from whence to advance or to retreat; one, in short, who does not stay at home and trust to the reports of others: but, above all, let him be of a noble and liberal mind; let him neither fear nor hope for anything; otherwise he will only resemble those unjust judges who determine from partiality or prejudice, and give sentence for hire: but, whatever the man is, as such let him be described.
Lucian of Samosata
A soldier is a killer painted hero.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To a man with an internet connection, every thought and every movement sounds like a tweet or status update.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We sometimes take photos (or record a video) so that we can later see what was happening while we were busy taking photos (or recording a video).
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Life punishes those who have things in abundance by making them worry about petty things like: what to wear, or, which car to drive.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You know a man is interesting when you forget to notice how expensive — or cheap — his clothes are.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I am obsessed with not being obsessed with acquiring material things.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most employees don’t really want to be highly-paid; they just want to earn more than their peers, and, more importantly, more than their neighbours.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Nothing humbles a rich man better than a poor man that isn’t willing to do ‘anything’ for money.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Don’t obsess over having the 'latest' version of a product. For there was a time that the previous version was the latest.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Those who say that money can’t buy one love make it sound as if love can buy one money.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Man would rather be loved for what he has, than be hated for what he lacks.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Tomorrow is like 'there.' Once you get 'there,' it is called 'here.' So, technically, life is a set of Todays.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A push-up bra is to a woman’s chest … what 'breathing-in' is to a man’s stomach.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Reality is a hallucination shared by most sane men.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you’ve lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Twitter gives people an illusionary sense of leadership.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Facebook gives people an illusory sense of being LIKED.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.
Ambrose Bierce
On this night I had searched for them without success, fearing to find them; they were nowhere in the house, nor about the moonlit dawn. For, although the sun is lost to us for ever, the moon, full-orbed or slender, remains to us. Sometimes it shines by night, sometimes by day, but always it rises and sets, as in that other life.
Ambrose Bierce
*Nothing is free* asserts two things. Both assertions are true.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A paparazzi is merely an extremely nosy nobody with a camera—and bills to pay.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The media made the masses to find not-so-skinny women appear not-so-beautiful … in the eyes of the remote holder.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
JEALOUS, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.
Ambrose Bierce
To be called insane: challenge convention. To be called possessed: challenge religion.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Sometimes I notice I'm demented, especially at sunset.
Jaroslav Hašek
People who smoke would have probably been regarded as fools or insane, if only a percentage of people who smoke smoked.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Chomie' is South African homosexual men’s unofficial name.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The difference is too nice - Where ends the virtue or begins the vice.
Alexander Pope
He had a clear conscience. Never used it.
Stanisław Jerzy Lec
A genius is a grownup that remained a kid.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
Though man needs to live to believe, he does not need to believe to live.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Beliefs are conclusions reached by men who are lazy to think for themselves.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Religion makes people kill each other. Science supplies them with weapons.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most people do not have a problem with you thinking for yourself, as long as your conclusions are the same as or at least compatible with their beliefs.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Loyalty is still the same, whether it win or lose the game; true as a dial to the sun, although it be not shined upon.
Samuel Butler
Being rich is an untalented artist’s consolation prize.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Carlton, Sydney (1949-), painter and decorator. Those who argue that bestiality should be treated with understanding had a setback in 1998 when Carlton, a married man from Bradford, was sentenced to a year in prison for having intercourse with a Staffordshire bull terrier, named Badger. His defence was that Badger had made the first move. 'I can't help it if the dog took a liking to me,' he told the court. This was not accepted.
William Donaldson
My father...was a man who understood all dogs thoroughly and treated them like human beings.
Flann O'Brien
I am his Highness' dog at Kew;Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you?
Alexander Pope
DOG: A kind of additional or subsidiary Diety designed to catch the overflow or surplus of the world's worship.
Ambrose Bierce
The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself, too.
Samuel Butler
Faults are soon copied.
Horace
Virginity comes standard. A good head is earned.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Logic is like the sword--those who appeal to it shall perish by it.
Samuel Butler
Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion - thus:Major Premise: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man.Minor Premise: One man can dig a post-hole in sixty seconds; Therefore-Conclusion: Sixty men can dig a post-hole in one second.This may be called syllogism arithmetical, in which, by combining logic and mathematics, we obtain a double certainty and are twice blessed.
Ambrose Bierce
drugs, hard. Under the Misuse of Drugs Act 1971, the law was changed in the United Kingdom to ensure that the production and supply of dangerous drugs should henceforth be in the hands of criminal organisations. Some people have argued that this is not an ideal arrangement.
William Donaldson
(On his addiction to opiods): I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
Lenny Bruce
Nothing matters when you are dead, and, you are dead when nothing matters.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To halve the number of times that other people hurt you: halve the number of expectations that you have from other people.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A slave that acknowledges its enslavement is halfway to its liberation.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana