Quotes by Satirists - Page 5

We pay a person the compliment of acknowledging his superiority whenever we lie to him.
Samuel Butler
I do not mind lying but I hate inaccuracy.
Samuel Butler
All wish to be learned but no one is willing to pay the price.
Juvenal
A little learning is a dangerous thing Drink deep or taste not the Pierian spring Their shallow draughts intoxicate the brain And drinking largely sobers us again.
Alexander Pope
Law is a bottomless pit.
J. Arbuthnot
Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
Ambrose Bierce
A lawyer's dream of heaven - every man reclaimed his property at the resurrection and each tried to recover it from all his forefathers.
Samuel Butler
Appeal in law: to put the dice into the box for another throw.
Ambrose Bierce
One cannot know everything.
Horace
The learned is happy nature to explore the fool is happy that he knows no more.
Alexander Pope
The public do not know enough to be experts yet know enough to decide between them.
Samuel Butler
Lord! I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.
Jonathan Swift
The hungry judges soon the sentence sign and wretches hang that jurymen may dine.
Alexander Pope
Acquittal of the guilty damns the judge.
Horace
Alive ridiculous and dead forgot?
Alexander Pope
To live is like to love: all reason is against it and all healthy instinct is for it.
Samuel Butler
I teach that all men are mad.
Horace
Thou wert my guide philosopher and friend.
Alexander Pope
If moderation is a fault then indifference is a crime.
G. C. Lichtenberg
Ignoramus: a person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.
Ambrose Bierce
Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
Samuel Butler
The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
Lenny Bruce
Acquaintance n: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from but not well enough to lend to.
Ambrose Bierce
Hope springs eternal in the human breast.
Alexander Pope
For I who hold sage Homer's rule the best Welcome the coming speed the going guest.
Alexander Pope
Vision is the art of seeing things invisible.
Jonathan Swift
Never despair.
Horace
Hope is desire and expectation rolled into one.
Ambrose Bierce
Hope springs eternal in the human breast Man never is but always to be blest.
Alexander Pope
An honest man's the noblest work of God.
Alexander Pope
Honesty's praised then left to freeze.
Juvenal
Know then thyself presume not God to scan: The proper study of mankind is man.
Alexander Pope
History n: an account mostly false of events mostly unimportant which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves and soldiers mostly fools.
Ambrose Bierce
It has been said that though God cannot alter the past historians can - it is perhaps because they can be useful to Him in this respect that He tolerates their existence.
Samuel Butler
A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.
Samuel Butler
I have as little fear that God will damn a man that has charity as I hope that the priests can save one who has not.
Alexander Pope
In faith and hope the world will disagree but all mankind's concern is charity.
Alexander Pope
An apology for the Devil - it must be remembered that we have only heard one side of the case. God has written all the books.
Samuel Butler
I know that thete are people who do not love their fellow man and I hate people like that!
Tom Lehrer
It does not matter much what a man hates provided he hates something.
Samuel Butler
What is the worth of anything But for the happiness 'twill bring?
Richard Owen Cambridge
And may I live the remainder of my life ... for myself may there be plenty of books and many years' store of the fruits of the earth!
Horace
We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learned to bear its ills without being overcome by them.
Juvenal
Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.
Alexander Pope
False happiness is like false money it passes for a long time as well as the true and serves some ordinary occasions but when it is brought to the touch we find the lightness and alloy and feel the loss.
Alexander Pope
All animals except man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.
Samuel Butler
You will live wisely if you are happy in your lot.
Horace
He who is greedy is always in want.
Horace
What some invent the rest enlarge.
Jonathan Swift
I heard the little bird say so.
Jonathan Swift
And all who told it added something new And all who heard it made enlargements too.
Alexander Pope
Never undertake anything for which you wouldn't have the courage to ask the blessings of heaven.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
All animals except man know that the ultimate of life is to enjoy it.
Samuel Butler
He mounts the storm and walks upon the wind.
Alexander Pope
He who postpones the hour of living is like the rustic who waits for the river to run out before he crosses.
Horace
Sometimes men come by the name of genius in the same way that certain insects come by the name of centipede - not because they have a hundred feet but because most people can't count above fourteen.
G. C. Lichtenberg
When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.
Jonathan Swift
Everyone is a genius at least once a year a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
G. C. Lichtenberg
111 company is like a dog who dirts those most whom he loves best.
Jonathan Swift
A friend who cannot at a pinch remember a thing or two that never happened is as bad as one who does not know how to forget.
Samuel Butler