Quotes by Satirists - Page 3

The only way to truly help most drug addicts and most alcoholics is to—instead of them—change reality.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
People are always changing themselves and their world, dear. Very few of the changes are new. We rather confuse change and newness, I think. What is truly new never changes.""You speak in riddles, aged progenitor.""The world worships a certain kind of newness. People are always talking about a new car, or a new drink or p-p-play or house, but these things are not truly new, are they? They begin to get old the minute you acquire them. New is not in things. New is within us. The truly new is something that is new forever: you. Every morning of your life and every evening, every moment is new. You have never lived this moment before and you never will again. In this sense the new is also the eternal.
Tony Hendra
Most sexually adventurous women want a man who regards cunnilingus as a basic woman right.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some women would not cheat, and some would not have cheated, had they each married a man whom they love … or at least like.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In a patriarchal society, one of the most important functions of the institution of the family is to make feel like a somebody whenever he is in his own yard a man who is a nobody whenever he is in his employer’s yard.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into.
Jonathan Swift
The real purpose of the opposition is to minimize the amount of money the ruling party will have stolen from the people at the end of its term.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some men do not know the father of 'their' children.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Coco Chanel is said to have said that a girl should be two things: who and what she is. I say a girl should do two things: what and who she wants.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some mistakes are worse than others: wearing your underwear inside out isn’t as uncomfortable as wearing it back to front.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Every single living thing is food to at least one living thing.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some women have been faking orgasms for so long that they sometimes fake one when they are masturbating.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thanks to photography, some memories overstay their welcome.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Making God a man is the consolation prize that our forefathers gave themselves for not being the ones who were each blessed with a vagina.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some of the people we feel sorry for feel sorry for us for thinking that they are the ones who should be felt sorry for.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Instead of being regarded as intelligent or knowledgeable, many a woman would rather be regarded as beautiful or good in the kitchen; many a man, as handsome or good in bed.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
It is as difficult for most poor people to truly believe that they could someday escape poverty as it is for most wealthy people to truly believe that their wealth could someday escape them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If there were something that Mother Nature or God could do with money, She or He would have sold immortality to the rich a long time ago.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Poverty does not always prevent a rich person from dating someone who is poor, unless the man is the one who is poor.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
It is in the best interest of the rich to preserve poverty.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people will each start investing more of their salary on ‘their’ house and spending less of it on ‘their’ car or cars only when they start being able to take ‘their’ house to work, funerals, weddings, etc.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most people do not mind dying, as long as that does not happen today.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Immediately after a divorce or a breakup, your mind whispers that there are plenty more fish in the sea, while your heart shouts that there is only one whoever-you-just-divorced-or-broke-up-with.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Many a woman is in a relationship with or married to her man not because she loves him but only because she likes men like him.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
One of the leading causes of obesity is the misbelief that, when it comes to juice, ‘100%’ means ‘sugar-free.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Many a woman would not be in a relationship with or married to her man, if he earned half of what he earns; and many a man would not be in a relationship with or married to his woman, if he earned twice as much as he earns.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Death is number one on the list of things that we wish were possible to leave behind when we escaped barbarism.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Not everyone who has killed themselves because they were HIV positive would have been killed by AIDS.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Whether it is big or small, the size of a poor man’s yard incessantly reminds him that he is poor.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We are sometimes hurt mostly or only not by what happened or is happening to us but by being felt sorry for.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Being HIV positive doesn’t necessarily mean that you are going to die before each and every person who is HIV negative.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We human beings regard ourselves as (or compare ourselves to) animals only when it suits us.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Unless it is you, finding out who your lover’s dream lover is is a nightmare.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If we had to earn our age by thinking for ourselves at least once a year, only a handful of people would reach adulthood.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as beautiful as she is).
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To evade insanity and depression, we unconsciously limit the number of people toward whom we are sincerely sympathetic.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you almost always have to remind your partner to miss you (and/or they almost always have to remind you to miss them).
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The answer to the question ‘How many children do you have?’ and the one to the question ‘How many children are you raising?’ are not identical in all cases: some men are not taking care of their own children, some are knowingly or unknowingly raising other men’s children, and some do not even know that they each have a child, another child, or other children.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
More people would be depressed, if parents tried to please their children as frequently and as badly as children try to please their parents.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some men are so indoctrinated that they sincerely believe that other than cooking and cleaning the only thing that a woman can do better than them is being a woman.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Taking good care of your husband or wife is the best way to thank their parent or parents for having taken good care of them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The only real reason that some relationships and marriages have not yet been ended is because in each case one of the partners has not yet found their ideal partner or someone they love or at least like.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To increase the chances of a writer trying to kill themselves, cut off their hands.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some men’s chests are more buttlike than some women’s butts.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Death would be an extremely bad thing like most of us paint it, if being dead were painful.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
After a certain point, all natural bodily changes are for the worst.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people would not have remained with their partners, if the unfortunate things that have happened to them had happened to their partners, or if the fortunate things that have happened to their partners had happened to them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thanks to bad graphic design, some readers love only the electronic version of some books.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people are each envious of the person they used to be.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I do not have a problem with people killing themselves, as long as they took at least a hundred years to think about what they are about to do.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Finding out that you are not your lover’s only lover hurts, but not as much as discovering that you are the side chick … or the side dick.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We sometimes try to impress people we just met by not trying to impress them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana