Quotes by Satirists - Page 20

There is a correlation between the number of days since a man last had sex, and, the number of women that he is convinced he is in love with.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
There is a correlation between the number of days since a man last had sex, and, the number of women that he is convinced he is in love with, or, the number of things that he is willing to do for a woman.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When coming to sex: First served, first come.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A horny man is seen. A horny woman is heard.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
For the most expensive way to realize an orgasm, men open their wallets. For the cheapest, they close their eyes.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
One-night stands were invented to free men from worrying about the size of their penis. And to free women from worrying about the size of their stretch marks.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A paedophile is someone whose sexual attraction towards children their own age did not grow with them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Life occasionally humbles us by making us turned on by someone whom we turn off.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
AIDS would have claimed fewer lives if we had publicly recommended what I wish to call ‘The Presumption of Sickness,’ i.e., the principle that whomever we are about to sleep with is HIV-positive until proven HIV-negative.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some women would not have contracted an STD or STDs had they not been on the pill.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Chastity always takes its toll. In some it produces pimples; in others, sex laws.
Karl Kraus
Man cannot be homophobic without having concerned himself with another’s sex life.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Reality is what people who lack vision see.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
chaos of thought and passion, all confus'd.
Alexander Pope
What Reason weaves, by Passion is undone.
Alexander Pope
All new news is old news happening to new people
Malcolm Muggeridge
If it be the chief point of friendship to comply with a friend's notions and inclinations he possesses this is an eminent degree; he lies down when I sit, and walks when I walk, which is more that many good friends can pretend to do.
Alexander Pope
Pale death kicks with impartial foot at the hovels of the poor and the towers of kings.
Horace
A specialist’s mind is a slave to his specialization.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
With the exception of a gun, starvation is the only thing that is capable of making an insane man lose his mind.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Nothing complements a fast mind better than a slow tongue. And nothing aggravates a slow mind better than a fast tongue.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To increase the odds of being thanked, some people compliment some people; some make kids.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Technology has transformed the world into a global village. And communities, families, friends, etc., into local islands.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
...we spend more time gazing at luminous screens than into the eyes of our loved ones.
Charlie Brooker
Although every person makes mistakes, not every mistake makes a person.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Millions of deaths would not have happened if it weren’t for the consumption of alcohol. The same can be said about millions of births.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Parents are the last people on Earth who ought to have children.
Samuel Butler
The only reason that some people aren’t ashamed of their parents and/or siblings is because they know that we know that they did not choose them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
There are orphanages," he exclaimed to himself, "for children who have lost their parents--oh! why, why, why, are there no harbours of refuge for grown men who have not yet lost them?
Samuel Butler
Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
Ambrose Bierce
Don't trust the heart, it wants your blood.
Stanisław Jerzy Lec
*Prostitution* is a euphemism for rape incidents that the victim and the economy profits from.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A poor but confident man is as hard to find as a rich but shy man.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
It is only if the primary or only reason you do what you do is to make money that you will envy every random person who made or makes a lot of money (or money that exceeds what you made or make).
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Nothing reminds one of how shitty inequality is more often than the fact that there are companies who make and people who use 1-ply toilet papers.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Make money, money by fair means if you can, if not, but any means money.
Horace
The reason that man is seldom satisfied with his salary is that when it increases, he increases his expenses.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Any performer tries to perform music as if for the first time, with all that energy and excitement that comes from discovering a new piece--maybe trying to recreate the memory of falling in love with a piece when hearing it first as a child--and just as people regularly say of a brilliant conductor that they seem to conduct as if recreating the energy an audience must have felt when the piece was first played decades, even centuries, before, so too I think we need to communicate our knowledge with the passion we first encountered as children.
Armando Iannucci
In some cases, it is the woman’s stomach—not her heart—that has left her man for another.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In many cases, it was the woman’s stomach—not her heart—that fell for her man.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Divorce is not always a doorway to happiness. The same can be said about marriage.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Men (who cheat) do not cheat because they are dogs. They are (regarded as) dogs because they cheat.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You cannot really get married by mistake. You can only marry the wrong person.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When you love someone, you end up caring about each and every person they love. When you hate someone, you end up caring about every single person who hates them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Being called ‘love’ or ‘my love’ by someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you are loved or even liked by them.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
For breakfast to be called ‘in bed’ instead of ‘on top of a bed,’ the house in which it is about to be eaten has to have at least two rooms (excluding the kitchen); (at least) three, if it has a bathroom.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Besides what endless brawls by wives are bred,The curtain lecture makes a mournful bed.
Juvenal
Truth might be heroic, but it was not within the range of practical domestic politics.
Samuel Butler
In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.
Samuel Butler
Marriage, n.: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.
Ambrose Bierce
If God really valued loyalty, He would have blessed every single believer before He even considered blessing a single nonbeliever.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We are, or rather our natural desire to evade pain and to attain pleasure is, the primary reason we do or say every single thing we do or say.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
There is nothing inherently painful about being cheated on.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Alcohol is one of the quickest vehicles with which we escape shyness, our problems, and self-consciousness, for a few hours.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Remember: God's grief at the unspeakable things we do to one another is beyond measuring, but so is His mercy. It might seem a terrible thing to say to people who've lost and suffered so much at the hands of hatred and violence. But true courage is not to hate our enemy, any more than to fight and kill him. To love him, to love in the teeth of his hate—that is real bravery. That ought to earn people m-m-medals.
Tony Hendra
In a war of ideas it is people who get killed.
Stanisław Jerzy Lec
Culture is a symbolic veil with which we hide our animal nature from ourselves … and other animals.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
True wit is nature to advantage dressed;What oft was thought, but ne'er so well expressed.
Alexander Pope
Never does Nature say one thing and Wisdom another.
Juvenal
Autumn is the mellower season, and what we lose in flowers we more than gain in fruits.
Samuel Butler