Quotes by Satirists - Page 19

We owe some of our successes to people who did not want to help us more than we do to those who have helped us.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Today, the world rewards those with creative and intellectual muscles. So, women and skinny men need to shut up and start thinking.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A blank cheque kills creativity.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If people who are in a difficulty will only do the first little reasonable thing which they can clearly recognize as reasonable, they will always find the next step more easy both to see and take.
Samuel Butler
He who postpones the hour of living rightly is like the rustic who waits for the river to run out before he crosses.
Horace
Sensible people get the greater part of their own dying done during their own lifetime
Samuel Butler
Nothing is more conductive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
If, again, the most superficial introspection teaches the physiologist that his conscious life is dependent upon the mechanical adjustments of his body, and that inversely his body is subjected with certain limitations to his will, then it only remains for him to make one assumption more, namely, that this mutual interdependence between the spiritual and the material is itself also dependent on law, and he has discovered the bond by which the science of the matter and the science of consciousness are united into a single whole.
Samuel Butler
In a society that prioritizes man’s health, a cleaner is more important than a lawyer.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In any sane society, a farmer is a billion times more important than an economist.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
He who fails to achieve a dream set by himself is more honorable than he who succeeds in achieving a dream set by his society.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In a materialistic society, man is likely to value the opinion of a rich man over that of a poor one; even when coming to opinions that have absolutely nothing to do with moneymaking.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In a materialistic society, there’s no such a thing as a ‘romantic’ broke man.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A ‘normal person’ is what is left after society has squeezed out all unconventional opinions and aspirations out of a human being.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Needs are imposed by nature. Wants are sold by society.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In a materialistic society, the dead body of a rich man’s dog is regarded as a corpse; that of a poor man, a carcass.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Son, in life you do not fight battles because you expect to win......you fight them merely because they need to be fought.-Snagglepuss
Mark Russell
I try not to speak to critics. It only encourages them.-Snagglepuss
Mark Russell
The world is on fire, young man. As writers, it is only proper that we do what we can to warn people.But in telling the truth to the world, don't lie to yourself. Write whatever you want. Tell the truth. Just don't imagine that you are changing anything.Like I said, people just want to have a good time. -Snagglepuss
Mark Russell
His act was rather that of a harmless lunatic than an enemy. We were not so new to the country as not to know that the solitary life of many a plainsman had a tendency to develop eccentricities of conduct and character not always easily distinguishable from mental aberration. A man is like a tree: in a forest of his fellows he will grow as straight as his generic and individual nature permits; alone, in the open, he yields to the deforming stresses and tortions that environ him.
Ambrose Bierce
There is absolutely nothing feminine about the colour pink, or, anything bad-luck'ish about the colour black — in itself.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Feminists who accept the claim made in The Book of Genesis, and, that God is a he, need to make their minds up.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In fiction: we find the predictable boring. In real life: we find the unpredictable terrifying.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To know what should be going on in a household: spend a few minutes with the wife, or, the husband. To know what’s really going on: spend a few minutes with their kid(s).
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Men marry for the womb. Women marry for their tummy.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A ‘white’ kid that asks too many questions is called *curious.* A ‘black’ kid that asks too many questions is called *forward.*
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Being a 'good' parent is more about the parent, and, less about the 'supposedly-could-have-been-bad' child.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Dating a wo/man with a kid is the new adoption.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most parents are not really ‘supportive’ because they want their kid(s) to succeed; they ‘support’ their kid(s) as an attempt to avoid appearing to have bred a failure, or, failures … in the eyes of their peers and/or neighbours.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Dating a wo/man with a child is adoption … without the paperwork.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When coming to making kids: Size doesn’t count, it’s sperm count that counts.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Grandchildren are their grandparents' toys.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
It is childish to eat primarily or only to please your tongue.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Stanisław Jerzy Lec
The boring thing with 'No sex before marriage' is that kids will never get to attend their parents’ wedding.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
88% of women love making their first love making incident with a man seem like an accident.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some marry because they are in love. Others marry to have sex ... without the guilt.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Prostitutes are paid for taking their clothes off. Celebrities are paid for putting others' clothes on.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some couples are married because they fell in love. Some are married because the woman fell pregnant.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Starving whilst schooled is like a man’s finding out that his wife is on her periods … a few seconds after he took Viagra.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The second orgasm has a biblical connotation.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A hundred years ago, an average teenager knew countless authors, and, a sex position or two. Today, an average teenager knows countless sex positions, and, an author or two.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some women sleep their way to the top. Most men sleep their way to the bottom.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
For the duration of his erection: To a horny man, all women are the most beautiful woman in the world.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To a man who was required to marry before he was allowed to have sex with his lover, marriage is a ‘righteous’ form of prostitution.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
*Forever* is an illusion that human beings promise each other when they are horny, or, trying to appear holy.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Compared with lesbians, gays seem to be more unapologetic about their sexual orientation. The former must not have balls.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Whilst lovers: to control her man, a woman uses (the man’s access to) her vagina. When ex-lovers: she uses (the man's access to) their kids.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
It is rude to tweet while having sex. However, it is not rude to have sex while tweeting.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Morals are nothing but a civilized society’s attempt to tame some beast called man.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To see a man’s true colours, tell him that you don’t plan on having sex with him. To see a woman’s true colours, tell her that you don’t plan on marrying her.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When we see a good-looking woman with a not-so-good-looking man, we assume that the man must have a good bank balance. When we see a good-looking man with a not-so-good-looking woman, we assume that she must be good in bed.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
An educated woman is seen as a human being with a vagina. An uneducated woman is seen as a vagina with a human being.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The most unfair thing about sex is that men are almost always guaranteed an orgasm.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Huge biceps are an unattractive-uneducated-underpaid man's last attempt to be seen as worthy of dating, or, sleeping with.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
With regards to getting laid and getting AIDS: Being interesting can be an interesting guy’s downfall.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Looking at what 'foreplay' is, 'sexual intercourse' is a game.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
As common as unplanned sex. As uncommon as a planned child.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Homophobia is the ignorant and arrogant assumption that copulation and reproduction is all there is to a relationship.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A salary is, to a man's employer, what his wife's vagina is to his wife: a tool used to (1) reward; and (2) control him.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana