Quotes by Satirists - Page 15

Air freshener is man’s pitiful attempt to have his food smell as good, after digestion, as they did, before ingestion.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Work is a vehicle with which man chases some fleeting destination called a full tummy.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thanks to his salary, an employee is free to eat whatever, wherever. However, because of his job, he is not free to eat whenever.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I used to think that size does not count, until I realized that most people either find other people’s faeces more disgusting than a bird’s droppings, or they do not find the latter disgusting at all.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
Samuel Butler
He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.
Jonathan Swift
To hear how much of a great human being you were — even if you really weren’t — open your ears at your funeral.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Not all truths hurt. And not all that is hurtful is truthful.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
All political parties die at last of swallowing their own lies.
John Arbuthnot
The world is naturally averse to all truth it sees or hears but swallows nonsense and a lie with greediness and gluttony.
Samuel Butler
Falsehood flies, and truth comes limping after it, so that when men come to be undeceived, it is too late; the jest is over, and the tale hath had its effect: like a man, who hath thought of a good repartee when the discourse is changed, or the company parted; or like a physician, who hath found out an infallible medicine, after the patient is dead.
Jonathan Swift
We pay a person the compliment of acknowledging his superiority whenever we lie to them.
Samuel Butler
The hardest tumble a man can take is to fall over his own bluff.
Ambrose Bierce
To be enslaved then, you needed to be ignorant. To be enslaved today, you need to be knowledgeable.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A straight face is an ignorant man’s attempt to appear knowledgeable.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
How much man likes or hates a person or a thing is dependent on how much he knows or does not know about the person or the thing.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Politics and Sport were invented to give unknowledgeable people an opportunity to share their knowledge.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You can only manage to convince a person to admit to being wrong, not ignorant, arrogant, or stupid.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Not every person that speaks less than you do is more ignorant than you are.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Put a thief among honest men and they will eventually relieve him of his watch.
Flann O'Brien
Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be.
Ambrose Bierce
Some books sold because they are (said to be) great. Some are (said to be) great because they sold.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Back then: to be regarded as well-known, one had to be great. Today: to be regarded as great, one has to be well-known.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Chances are that there are white people who brag about being the first to move out of a suburb that has been intruded by blacks.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
I am usually able to tolerate all kinds of victims of indoctrination except those who have been infected with xenophobia, racism, or homophobia.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To leave a man's ego bigger, retweet him. To leave his faculty of reasoning better, challenge his tweet.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A tapping foot isn’t the best a listener can get from a song: A good song makes a listener dance. A great song makes him think.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Heav'n from all creatures hides the book of Fate, All but the page prescrib'd, their present state; From brutes what men, from men what spirits know: Or who could suffer Being here below? The lamb thy riot dooms to bleed to-day, Had he thy Reason, would he skip and play? Pleas'd to the last, he crops the flow'ry food, And licks the hand just rais'd to shed his blood. Oh blindness to the future! kindly giv'n, That each may fill the circle mark'd by Heav'n; Who sees with equal eye, as God of all, A hero perish, or a sparrow fall.
Alexander Pope
You don’t tell a boy that he is a boy. You simply act like a man.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We are not won by arguments that we can analyze but by tone and temper, by the manner which is the man himself.
Samuel Butler
Then say not man's imperfect, Heav'n in fault;. Say rather, man's as perfect as he ought.
Alexander Pope
Know then thyself; presume not God to scan,The proper study of mankind is Man.Placed on this isthmus of a middle state,A being darkly wise and rudely great:With too much knowledge for the Sceptic side,And too much weakness for the Stoic's pride,He hangs between; in doubt to act or rest;In doubt to deem himself a God or Beast;In doubt his mind or body to prefer;Born but to die, and reas'ning but to err.Alike in ignorance, his reason such,Whether he thinks too little or too much.
Alexander Pope
If you must give me a label, then label me a human being. I have no pride in being a human, though, because I have nothing to do with my becoming one.But, whereas animals don't have a rational code of ethics, I like to think I do. Which is where I am partisan. Moral partisanship is the reason for my "anger." And if I don't protest what needed to be protested, I might just as well be an animal.
Paul Krassner
To be angry is to revenge the faults of others on ourselves.
Alexander Pope
An angry artist tells people what (he thinks) they need to hear. A hungry artist tells people what (he thinks) they want to hear.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Ira furor brevis est: animum rege: qui nisi paret imperat.(Anger is a brief madness: govern your mind [temper], for unless it obeys it commands.)
Horace
Anger is a brief madness.
Horace
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Ambrose Bierce
To most Americans, a dog is a potential mate. To some Chinese, a dog is potential meat.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A gold tooth is to some blacks, what braces are to all whites.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We are all born agnostics. Atheism and theism is sold to us.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thanks to arranged marriages: There are countless women who have never been their husband's girlfriend.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Culture, religion, and education, are conspiracies to standardize worldviews.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Captive Greece captured her rude conqueror
Horace
Contrary to popular belief, some animals would not have each chosen to be a human being, if they were given the choice between being what they are and being human.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To a blind man, pawn shop and porn shop are one. To an unintelligent man, oversleeping and sleeping over are opposites.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
You are. Before you are whatever you are labeled.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thou shalt not use the 140 characters limit as an excuse for bad grammar and/or incorrect spelling.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A rumor is usually a lie that the media can legally profit from.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most of the people who have verbally asserted that ‘there is no master of pronounciation’ have intentionally made a claim and unintentionally made their claim believable. (It is ‘pro-nun-ciation’ not ‘pro-noun-ciation’.)
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A definition is the enclosing a wilderness of idea within a wall of words.
Samuel Butler
Happiness is a temporary recurring human experience.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In a materialistic society, an employed boy is older than an unemployed man.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Used a replica gun to steal a replica sportscar and experienced a replica of remorse
Steve Aylett
Since childhood I’d been suspected of imagination
Steve Aylett
Everybody is talking about the Law of Attraction. Nobody is talking about the Law of Action.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Speaking about work isn’t working.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Being a philosopher requires a lot of thinking and no action. Being a model requires a lot of action and no thinking.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero.(Pluck the day [for it is ripe], trusting as little as possible in tomorrow.)
Horace
A high self-esteem having artist works hard to be understood. A low self-esteem having artist works hard to be agreed with.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana