Quotes by Satirists - Page 13

Employees go to school for 12 – 18 years merely to impress prospect employers in a 12 – 18 minutes interview.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
School fools a lot of people. Professionally, one thing is not the most that one person can be.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When a man's bank balance becomes too small, his woman flees. For a man to do the same, his woman's body — or vagina — has to do the opposite.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Somebody is born. Somebody goes to school. Somebody learns to conform. Somebody types a CV. Somebody gets a job. Somebody follows orders. Somebody gets a golden watch. And then, eventually, Somebody dies. And, a Nobody is buried.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A genius does what he masters. An ordinary man tries to master what he does.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A job interview is a competition won by those who are qualified the most, and, those who are willing to be payed the least.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To a man, a woman is fun to be with … until she gains weight. To a woman, a man is fun to live with … until he loses his job.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
12% of employees study further to learn more. 88% of employees study further to earn more.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Retirement is the menopause of an employee’s mind and hands.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Professional’ does not necessarily mean that the person so labelled is good or knows what they are doing. In many a case, it merely means that they do whatever that they are a professional at for a living, not as a hobby.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Employment was invented to make education seem useful.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The garden is an unemployed township-based man's cubicle.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
He who makes $25,000 annually through passive income is more enviable than he who earns $100,000 annually through a salary.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
There is no study that is not capable of delighting us, after a little application to it.
Alexander Pope
Employment is an employee’s kissing of an employer’s ass. A salary is the employer’s pretense to be cleaning his ass.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A moral judgment of abortion is the usage of a man-made ideology to judge a man-made technology.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Smartphones are tools which fools fiddle with when they are around people that they don’t have the courage, or, the intellect, to converse with.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A phone call should be a convenience to the caller, not an inconvenience to the called.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
When you decide to meet—in person—someone that you met online, would you then be taking your relationship to the 'previous' level?
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The civilized man is technologically ahead of — intellectually behind — his time.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Being forever available to the rest of the world is overrated. I mean, what are 'missed calls' invented for?
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The longer a person's twitter @username is, the harder it is to argue with them … on twitter.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Those who find it hypocritical of others to use, say, a smartphone, to speak ill of capitalism, needs to be reminded that capitalism is an ideology, not a technology.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
Ambrose Bierce
You cannot sensibly expect a starving 'God-fearing' man to honor the 8th commandment.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Before civilization, artists painted for the living. Today, most paint for a living.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Civilization is the commercialization of survival.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
12% of dreams create jobs. 88% of jobs destroy dreams.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
He who frowns when they say that he sucks shouldn’t smile when they say that he rocks.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A model’s opinion seldom matters. The only time that he is required to open his mouth is when he is required to smile at the camera.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The spiritual muscles I hadn't used for decades began to acquire some tone, and since they were Catholic muscles too, it was natural to look for a church to work out in.It was hard. Appalling though the predations exacted on the monastic liturgy were, they were nothing compared to the desecration exacted on the secular. Latin was gone entirely, replaced by dull, oppressive, anchorman English, slavishly translated from its sonorous source to be as plain and "direct" as possible. It didn't seem to have occurred to the well-meaning vandals who'd thrown out baby, bath, and bathwater that all ritual is a reaching out to the unknowable and can be accomplished only by the noncognitive: evocation, allusion, metaphor, incantation—the tools of the poet.
Tony Hendra
Between Monday and Saturday men make an audience. On Sunday, they make a congregation.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A church service starts and ends with a prayer. A magazine starts and ends with an advert.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A prisoner is imprisoned by the crime that he has committed. A jailer is imprisoned — in the very same prison — by the employment contract that he has signed.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Science gave us forensics. Law gave us crime.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Life’s most rewarding forms of being: Being patient, and, being yourself.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some people are so boring that you are more bored when you are with them … than when you are alone.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
People who smile while they are alone used to be called insane, until we invented smartphones and social media.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The world is a prison in which solitary confinement is preferable.
Karl Kraus
Thoughts which have no chance of succeeding do not take the trouble to come into your head at all.
Flann O'Brien
A popular author is one who writes what the people think. Genius invites them to think something else.
Ambrose Bierce
ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standards in matters of thought and conduct. To be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.A striving toward the straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself, whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and the hope of Hell.
Ambrose Bierce
take a strict view of their excrements, and, from the colour, the odour, the taste, the consistence, the crudeness or maturity of digestion, form a judgment of their thoughts and designs; because men are never so serious, thoughtful, and intent, as when they are at stool...
Jonathan Swift
A Spaniard and a Pole worked in the barbershop where we got our hair cut. An Italian shined our shoes. A Croat washed our car. This was America.
Ilya Ilf
Clearly it's not all that pacific on the Pacific Ocean
Ilya Ilf
This (San Francisco) is the most beautiful city in America, Probably because it looks nothing like America
Ilya Ilf
Human existence being an hallucination containing in itself the secondary hallucinations of day and night (the latter an insanitary condition of the atmosphere due to accretions of black air) it ill becomes any man of sense to be concerned at the illusory approach of the supreme hallucination known as death.
Flann O'Brien
Life is an activity with which we kill time while we wait for something, someone, or the mere passage of time to kill us.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Some days are better than others. The same can be said about people.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
If man was a logical creature: his last suspect—namely, his mouth—was going to be the first; whenever he thinks that someone, or, something is smelly.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
In the presence of death reason and philosophy are silent
Ambrose Bierce
Ye sacred nine
Alexander Pope
I crept in to find my father with pennies on his eyes - and looking closer I saw they were made of foil-covered chocolate. Of course I stole and ate them. Magical guilt? Tell me about it
Steve Aylett
He had long been curious at leaders intermittent calls for a return to past values and had tested the notion by trying to build a house from the sky downwards
Steve Aylett
A bad handwriting is as annoying to a reader … as an irritating voice is to a listener.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer.
Karl Kraus
All this dread order break- for whom? for thee?Vile worm!- oh madness! pride! impiety!
Alexander Pope
The pride of aiming at more knowledge, and pretending to more perfection, is the cause of Man's error and misery.
Alexander Pope
Needing attention is a p-p-powerful force in the world, isn't it?""Absolutely. Most people would think of it as a very natural need. Almost a right.""By 'natural' you mean 'm-m-morally neutral'?""Touché.""Without God, people find it very hard to know who they are or why they exist. But if others pay attention to them, praise them, write about them, discuss them, they think they've found the answers to both questions.""If they don't believe in God, you can't blame them.""True, dear. But it still makes for an empty, unhappy person."..."Are you saying, Father Joe, that in the matter of motives, or even morally, there's not ultimately much difference between me and my targets?""I'm afraid not, dear. If the result is that you only have a personality other people shape. If you really exist only in other people's minds.""I think you've just described celebrity.""I've just described pride, dear.
Tony Hendra
Gulliver describes a royal personage inspiring awe among the tiny Lilliputians because he was taller than his brethren by the breadth of a human fingernail.
Jonathan Swift