Quotes by Journalists - Page 207

One day we found them. They must of been holding a gook convention or something, cause it seem like the same sort of deal as when you step on a anthill and they all come swarming around.
Winston Groom
It commenced raining one day and did not stop for two months. We went through ever different kind of rain they is, cep'n maybe sleet or hail. It was little tiny stinging rain sometimes, an big ole fat rain at others. It came sidewise an straight down an sometimes even seem to stand up from the ground. Nevertheless, we was expected to do our shit, which was mainly walking upland down the hills an stuff looking for gooks.
Winston Groom
.. when all this started, I asked myself, 'Am I going to withdraw from the world, like most people do, or am I going to live?' I decided I'm going to live - or at least try to live - the way I want, with dignity, with courage, with humour, with composure.
Mitch Albom
A dark cloud of gloom settled itself on her head and began raining on her day. Her mood went from animated to morose faster than it would get a F1 car to accelerate to full throttle.
Kiran Manral
Necessity is a mother.
David Carr
Hey, the ubiquitous Leak-Cam is to 2010 as the bottom-of-the-screen news ticker was to late 2001: What you're seeing beneath the news anchor or talking head may not actually include any new information, but you feel like you're watching something dramatic.
Jim Geraghty
I Will Not Tease Rebecca GrimesI have to write one hundred times:"I will not tease Rebecca Grimes."Okay, that's one. I'm far from done.(This isn't gonna be much fun.) "I will not tease Rebecca Grimes."That's two. I'm paying for my crimes.It's all because I pulled her hairAnd put spaghetti on her chair.Because I gave her goofy looksAnd squirted mustard on her books,I have to write one hundred times:"I will not tease Rebecca Grimes."That's three. Whoopee. It's going slow.Just ninety-seven more to go."I will not tease" (I'm keeping score.)"Rebecca Grimes." (Now that makes four.)I'm soaked with sweat. My shirt is damp.I think I'm getting writer's cramp."I will not, will not, will not teaseRebecca Grimes!" Can I stop, please?The teacher frowns, and that means no.I still have sixty-six to go."I will-will-will not-not-not-notTease-tease-tease-tease..." It's getting hot."I will not tease Rebecca Grimes."That's ninety-nine. The school bell chimes.Just one more line and I'll be through.Rebecca Grimes, this one's for you!My final line will rhyme with "Grimes":"I will not tease Rebecca...Slimes!"Rebecca Slimes! Ha ha! That's great!I'd better hide it. Oops! Too late!The teacher sees what I wrote down.She takes my paper with a frown.I now must write one thousand times:"I will not tease Rebecca Grimes.
Dave Crawley
It ought to be an offense to be excruciating and unfunny in circumstances where your audience is almost morally obliged to enthuse.
Christopher Hitchens
A funny yet interesting read, Will Self knowa his stuff and must do a lot of deep research.
Will Self
Pamper a tomato, overfeed it, overwater it and you will get a Paris Hilton of a tomato.
Nigel Slater
...and - holy shit was this song bad. It was like the singer was stabbing my ear with a dagger made of dried turds.
David Wong
A pair of young mothers now became the centre of interest. They had risen from their lying-in much sooner than the doctors would otherwise have allowed. (French doctors are always very good about recognizing the importance of social events, and certainly in this case had the patients been forbidden the ball the might easily have fretted themselves to death.) One came as the Duchesse de Berri with l’Enfant du Miracle, and the other as Madame de Montespan and the Duc du Maine. The two husbands, the ghost of the Duc de Berri, a dagger sticking out of his evening dress, and Louis XIV, were rather embarrassed really by the horrible screams of their so very young heirs, and hurried to the bar together. The noise was indeed terrific, and Albertine said crossly that had she been consulted she would, in this case, have permitted and even encouraged the substitution of dolls. The infants were then dumped down to cry themselves to sleep among the coats on her bed, whence they were presently collected by their mothers’ monthly nannies. Nobody thereafter could feel quite sure that the noble families of Bregendir and Belestat were not hopelessly and for ever interchanged. As their initials and coronets were, unfortunately, the same, and their baby linen came from the same shop, it was impossible to identify the children for certain. The mothers were sent for, but the pleasures of society rediscovered having greatly befogged their maternal instincts, they were obliged to admit they had no idea which was which. With a tremendous amount of guilty giggling they spun a coin for the prettier of the two babies and left it at that.
Nancy Mitford
It appears that countless women born between the years of 1965 and 1978 are in love with John Cusack. I cannot fathom how he isn't the number-one box office star in America, because every straight girl I know would seel her soul to share a milkshake with that motherfucker.
Chuck Klosterman
I’m waiting for the day when Rush Limbaugh’s pharmacist writes a book.
Carl Hiaasen
I think that people's sexual preferences are a legitimate subject for humour, dirty humour if at all possible.
Christopher Hitchens
My doggy ate my homework.He chewed it up," I said.But when I offered my excuseMy teacher shook her head. I saw this wasn't going well.I didn't want to fail.Before she had a chance to talk,I added to the tale:"Before he ate, he took my workAnd tossed it in a pot.He simmered it with succotashTill it was piping hot."He scrambled up my science notesWith eggs and bacon strips,Along with sautéed spelling wordsAnd baked potato chips."He then took my arithmetic And had it gently fried.He broiled both my book reports With pickles on the side."He wore a doggy apronAs he cooked a notebook stew.He barked when I objected.There was nothing I could do.""Did he wear a doggy chef hat?"My teacher gave a scowl."He did," I said. "And taking itWould only make him growl."My teacher frowned, but then I said As quickly as I could,"He covered it with ketchup, And he said it tasted good.""A talking dog who likes to cook?" My teacher had a fit.She sent me to the office, And that is where I sit.I guess I made a big mistake In telling her all that.'Cause I don't have a doggy. It was eaten by my cat.
Dave Crawley
Democracy means the opportunity to be everyone's slave.
Karl Kraus
Ask any Ferrari, Porsche or Ray-Ban salesperson about their average customer and you will very likely hear that he is not, as the adverts would have us believe, a virile young footballer with shiny hair, a rippling six pack and a trouser pouch like a new punch bag. He is, in fact, a middle-aged bloke wearing more chins than he started life with and carrying the clear evidence of forty years of beer and pies slung across his midriff.
Richard Hammond
No, but if I were an illegal, experimental replicant hiding the truth of an international conspiracy I would try and put myself out of the way of those investigating it, wouldn't you? I don't think hiding under a bed will be very successful. But, if you've any better idea of what the deadly robot assassin is up to, please feel free to act upon it.
Guy Haley
In a Pyongyang restaurant, don't ever ask for a doggie bag.
Christopher Hitchens
Casting my own eye down Fifth Avenue as my belly swelled, I would register with incredulity: Every one of these people came from a woman's cunt.
Lionel Shriver
John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’ penis would be larger than your penis.”........"Fuck all of you,” John retorted. “You don’t even exist. We’re all just a figment of my cock’s imagination.
David Wong
One of the problems with being a writer is that all of your idiocies are still in print somewhere. I strongly support paper recycling.
P.J. O'Rourke
[He]said something that made it impossible to continue working for him.[The exact words were]You're fired.
Christopher Hitchens
If you still persist in writing, "Good food at it's best", you deserve to be struck by lightning, hacked up on the spot and buried in an unmarked grave.
Lynne Truss
Ladies, we are at a massive disadvantage in the workplace. Your male peers are flirting with their male bosses constantly. The average workplace is like f*cking Bromancing the Stone. That’s basically what male bonding is. Flirting. They’re flirting with each other playing golf, they’re flirting with each other going to the football, they’re flirting with each other chatting at the urinals – and, sadly, flirting with each other in after-hours visits to strip clubs and pubs. They are bonding with each other over their biological similarities. If the only way you can bond with them is over your biological differences, you go for it. Feel pressurised to actually f*ck them if you do? Then don’t flirt. Find it an easy way to just crack on? Then crack on – and don’t blame other women for doing it.
Caitlin Moran
Writing is the flip side of sex - it's only good when it's over.
Hunter S. Thompson
People are all exactly alike. There's no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic group. If we were dogs, we'd be the same breed. George Bush and an Australian Aborigine have fewer differences than a Lhasa apso and a toy fox terrier. A Japanese raised in Riyadh would be an Arab. A Zulu raised in New Rochelle would be an orthodontist. People are all the same, though their circumstances differ terribly.
P.J. O'Rourke
Fred said, “Man, I think he’s gonna make a fuckin’ suit of human skin, using the best parts from each of us.”“Holy crap,” said John. “He’ll be gorgeous.
David Wong
Lord, my hands were made for blessing, but not my feet!
Giovannino Guareschi
He had them as spellbound as a room full of Ewoks listening to C-3PO.
Cory Doctorow
When a man plans, a woman laughs.
David Wong
I had never before been a special fan of that great comedian Phyllis Diller, but she utterly won my heart this week by sending me an envelope that, when opened, contained a torn-off square of brown-bag paper of the kind suitable for latrine duty in an ill-run correctional facility. Duly unfurled, it carried a handwritten salutation reading as follows:Money's scarceTimes are hardHere's your f******I could not possibly improve on the sentiment, but I don't think it ought to depend on the current austerities. Isn't Christmas a moral and aesthetic nightmare whether or not the days are prosperous?
Christopher Hitchens
Horses frighten me as much as chickens do,’ he said.‘That is too bad, because lack of communication with horses has impeded human progress,’ said Abrenuncio. ‘If we ever broke down the barriers, we could produce the centaur.
Gabriel García Márquez
The average IQ in America is—and this can be proven mathematically—average.
P.J. O'Rourke
MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.
Ambrose Bierce
You know you've reached a new plateau of group mediocrity when even a Canadian is alarmed by your lack of individuality.
Sarah Vowell
An old joke has an Oxford professor meeting an American former graduate student and asking him what he's working on these days. 'My thesis is on the survival of the class system in the United States.' 'Oh really, that's interesting: one didn't think there was a class system in the United States.' 'Nobody does. That's how it survives.
Christopher Hitchens
I don't want to be a genius-I have enough problems just trying to be a man.
Albert Camus
Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is share the love. Beep.' 'Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic… speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.
Andy Rooney
I want a Zero Tolerance policy on All The Patriarchal Bullshit.
Caitlin Moran
Armageddon was yesterday, today we have a serious problem.
Stieg Larsson
We need to reclaim the word 'feminism'. We need the word 'feminism' back real bad. When statistics come in saying that only 29% of American women would describe themselves as feminist - and only 42% of British women - I used to think, What do you think feminism IS, ladies? What part of 'liberation for women' is not for you? Is it freedom to vote? The right not to be owned by the man you marry? The campaign for equal pay? 'Vogue' by Madonna? Jeans? Did all that good shit GET ON YOUR NERVES? Or were you just DRUNK AT THE TIME OF THE SURVEY?
Caitlin Moran
Hey. Sometimes life is a shit flavored Popsicle.
Carl Hiaasen
my heart has more rooms in it than a whore house
Gabriel García Márquez
Conventional wisdom would have one believe that it is insane to resist this, the mightiest of empires, but what history really shows is that today's empire is tomorrow's ashes; that nothing lasts forever, and that to not resist is to acquiesce in your own oppression. The greatest form of sanity that anyone can exercise is to resist that force that is trying to repress, oppress, and fight down the human spirit.
Mumia Abu-Jamal
It is precisely democracy which is destroying the American political structure, American law, and the American economy.
Rose Wilder Lane
The anti-life of [Jerry Falwell] proves only one thing: that you can get away with the most extraordinary offenses to morality and truth in this country if you'll just get yourself called Reverend. People like that should be out in the street, shouting and hollering with a cardboard sign and selling pencils from a cup.
Christopher Hitchens
The true measure of a society´s freedom is how it treats its dissidents and other marginalized groups, not how it treats its good loyalists. We shouldn´t have to be faithful loyalists of the powerful to be free from state surveillance.
Glenn Greenwald
Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.
H.L. Mencken
Solitary confinement is rock bottom, it’s absolute unfreedom.
Arthur Koestler
Liberty and Freedom are complex concepts. They go back to religious ideas of Free Will and are related to the Ruler Mystique implicit in absolute monarchs. Without absolute monarchs patterned after the Old Gods and ruling by the grace of a belief in religious indulgence, Liberty and Freedom would never have gained their present meaning. These ideals owe their very existence to past examples of oppression. And the forces that maintain such ideas will erode unless renewed by dramatic teaching or new oppressions. This is the most basic key to my life.
Frank Herbert
Mr. Prince, would you like to know the most significant event in the history of freedom?""The American Revolution?""A defensible choice, a close second even, but not mine. I would choose the moment when the Roman plebians required the patricians to write down the twelve tables of the law and put them where everyone could see them -- thereby proclaimed the law supreme over the politicians. The rule of law is the essence of freedom.
Jerry Pournelle
This is a party that used to embrace freedom but now they've abandoned the principles of Thomas Jefferson and adopted the tactics of Joseph Stalin.' he says. And he, (Eric O'Keefe) notes that those tactics are even aimed at fellow Democrats who don't fall in line.
Kimberly Strassel
The freer a society is, the more it leaves the family alone.
Peter Hitchens
I think we each come out of the womb with some unique way of looking at the world and if we don't express it, we loose faith in ourselves.
Gloria Steinem
Freedom is a terrible burden, much too heavy for the weak man to bear.
Robert Ferrigno
The fall of the Berlin Wall on 11/9/89 unleashed forces that ultimately liberated all the captive peoples of the Soviet Empire
Thomas L. Friedman
That we have made a hero of Howard Hughes tells us something interesting about ourselves, something only dimly remembered, tells us that the secret point of money and power in America is neither the things that money can buy nor power for power’s sake (Americans are uneasy with their possessions, guilty about power, all of which is difficult for Europeans to perceive because they are themselves so truly materialistic, so versed in the uses of power), but absolute personal freedom, mobility, privacy. It is the instinct which drove America to the Pacific, all through the nineteenth century, the desire to be able to find a restaurant open in case you want a sandwich, to be a free agent, live by one’s own rules.
Joan Didion
I'm afraid of freedom, it feels like some drunk guy could show up and burn my dacha at any moment.
Svetlana Alexievich