Silence is another element we find in classic fairy tales — girls muted by magic or sworn to silence in order to break enchantment. In "The Wild Swans," a princess is imprisoned by her stepmother, rolled in filth, then banished from home (as her older brothers had been before her). She goes in search of her missing brothers, discovers that they've been turned into swans, whereupon the young girl vows to find a way to break the spell. A mysterious woman comes to her in a dream and tells her what to do: 'Pick the nettles that grow in graveyards, crush and spin them into thread, then weave them into coats and throw them over your brothers' backs.' The nettles burn and blister, yet she never falters: picking, spinning, weaving, working with wounded, crippled hands, determined to save her brothers. All this time she's silent. 'You must not speak,' the dream woman has warned, 'for a single world will be like a knife plunged into your brothers' hearts.'You must not speak. That's what my stepfather said: don't speak, don't cry, don't tell. That's what my mother said as well, as we sat in hospital waiting rooms -- and I obeyed, as did my brothers. We sat as still and silent as stone while my mother spun false tales to explain each break and bruise and burn. Our family moved just often enough that her stories were fresh and plausible; each new doctor believed her, and chided us children to be more careful. I never contradicted those tales. I wouldn't have dared, or wanted to. They'd send me into foster care. They'd send my young brothers away. And so we sat, and the unspoken truth was as sharp as the point of a knife.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?16. What do you value most in a friendship?17. What is your most treasured memory?18. What is your most terrible memory?19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?20. What does friendship mean to you?21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.