Quotes by Cartoonists - Page 4

Maxim 15: Only you can prevent friendly fire.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
Maxim 5: Close air support and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
Maxim 18: If the officers are leading from in front, watch out for an attack from the rear.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
A journey of self-discovery is never pointless, Prince Zuko. However dim your path may seem, and however far you may wander from it...the important thing is that you learn from all of your mistakes along the way and never forget for one moment who you are, or what you are struggling to be.
Dave Roman
Calvin: As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You've taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.
Bill Watterson
Maxim 20: If you’re not willing to shell your own position, you’re not willing to win.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
Maxim 28: If the price of collateral damage is high enough, you might be able to get paid for bringing ammunition home with you.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
Howard Tayler
Gatsby's self-willed metamorphosis from farm boy to prince is many ways identical to my father's. Like Gatsby, my father fueled this transformation with the "colossal vitality of his illusion". Unlike Gatsby he did this on a school teacher's salary.
Alison Bechdel
You don't have to be a person of influence to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
Scott Adams
RAINI opened my eyesAnd looked up at the rain.And it dripped in my headAnd flowed into my brain,And all that I hear as I lie in my bedIs the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.I step very softly,I walk very slow,I can’t do a handstand-I might overflow,So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said-I’m just not the same since there’s rain in my head.
Shel Silverstein
The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house. All that cold, cold, wet day.
Dr. Seuss
Whenever I see people with their collars up, I'm tempted to point it out to them like you would for someone who has a food stain on their shirt or food in their teeth, as if to say, 'Your fashion sense is so offensive I'm assuming it's some sort of accident you'll want to fix.
Stephan Pastis
What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?
Bill Watterson
How do we know where we're going? Follow the moon! Remember, the moon is always over Hollywood, and Needles isn't far from Hollywood.
Charles M. Schulz
She was a good witch and a decent person, but decent people aren’t always easy to live with.
Ursula Vernon
A stupid mule is still smarter than a good horse or a bad man.
Ursula Vernon
You can make your superhero a psychopath, you can draw gut-splattering violence, and you can call it a "graphic novel," but comic books are still incredibly stupid.
Bill Watterson
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public
Scott Adams
Sometimes I wonder if the semi-conscious agenda of the media is to get between people and their souls. It is the the soul with its myriad tiny nerve endings that notices the neglected pathos, poignancy and practicality that lies at the heart of life. It’s as if the media are somehow irritated and envious that anonymous people should have the quiet brilliance of their rich and sustainable inner lives...
Michael Leunig
It is almost as thoughsomething else is breathingquite close by, invisibly.The mystery of the names…Albizzia. Gleditsia.Aucuba japonica. AndI am listening, seeing. Seeing,like someone twice alive.
John Allison
In dividing the light, things are seen. And we notice ourselves.
John Allison
Poetry for me is a result of lyrical meditation, pre-verbal in origin, and much of the craft has to do with finding a contemporary diction that embodies, at times subverts but never betrays that pre-verbal lyrical source: the presence of song before it is sung.
John Allison
He who laughs last laughs ... doesn't get it.
Brian Spellman
Some days you get up and you already know that things aren't going to go well. They're the type of days when you should just give in, put your pajamas back on, make some hot chocolate and read comic books in bed with the covers up until the world looks more encouraging. Of course, they never let you do that.
Bill Watterson
I had a dream about you last night... if atomic clocks are synced up to a satellite to keep their time accurate, where does the satellite get its time? Is there a chain of atomic clocks setting time for other atomic clocks?
Marshall Ramsay
I had a dream about you last night... and found out that friends are a label we love to use, but usually it's just a nice word for "acquaintance.
Marshall Ramsay
I had a dream about you last night... in it, I tried to sell a squirrel a deposit box to store his nuts in. He stole my cashews in the complimentary snack basket.
Marshall Ramsay
I had a dream about you last night... I think flying saucer activity is pretty easy to explain; if I had one, I'd go joyriding too.
Marshall Ramsay
Ol' man Simon, planted a diamond. Grew hisself a garden the likes of none. Sprouts all growin' comin' up glowin' Fruit of jewels all shinin' in the sun. Colors of the rainbow. See the sun and the rain grow sapphires and rubies on ivory vines, Grapes of jade, just ripenin' in the shade, just ready for the squeezin' into green jade wine. Pure gold corn there, Blowin' in the warm air. Ol' crow nibblin' on the amnythyst seeds. In between the diamonds, Ol' man Simon crawls about pullin' out platinum weeds. Pink pearl berries, all you can carry, put 'em in a bushel and haul 'em into town. Up in the tree there's opal nuts and gold pears- Hurry quick, grab a stick and shake some down. Take a silver tater, emerald tomater, fresh plump coral melons. Hangin' in reach. Ol' man Simon, diggin' in his diamonds, stops and rests and dreams about one... real... peach.
Shel Silverstein
Dear Josh, we stopped by to fuck you but you didn't answer the door. Therefore you are gay. Sincerely, Tiffany and Amber.
Daniel Clowes
That was the day I knew. It was as if Rolls met Royce, Black met Decker, Oliver met Stan, TinTin met Snowy, Marks met Spencer... he was to me what Patracolus was to Achilles, Hylas to Hercules, Enkidoe to Gilgamesh, Jonathan to David, Bosie to Oscar Wilde, Rimbaud to Verlaine. He was my Billy Budd, all the holy multitude of Thebes, Jasjoe mixed with Tadzio...
Tom Bouden
All surgery and no makeup make Jack a dull girl.
Brian Spellman
It's imprecise and insufficient, defining the homosexual as a person whose gender expression is at odds with his or her sex.
Alison Bechdel
Do a loony-goony dance 'Cross the kitchen floor, Put something silly in the world That ain't been there before.
Shel Silverstein
Darwin said if you made a list of eminent men, next of a list of eminent women, it was obvious that men were better at everything.
Jacky Fleming
I'm a misunderstood genius.""What's misunderstood?""Nobody thinks I'm a genius.
Bill Watterson
Nostalgia was never what it used to be.
Brian Spellman
I'm nostalgic for a better tomorrow.
Brian Spellman
It’s easy to demonstrate how progressive and open-minded and loyal you are when it costs you nothing.
Tim Kreider
There are few things less comforting than a tiger who's been up too late.
Bill Watterson
I can't answer you in a nutshell. We wouldn't fit unless we saw the same shrink.
Brian Spellman
Dragons have been known to have staring contests with mountains. They usually win.
Ursula Vernon
I had a dream about you last night... in it, we wondered why dogs come in packs but you can't pack dogs.
Marshall Ramsay
We were wolves once / Wild and wary / Then we noticed you had sofas
Francesco Marciuliano
Best not to ask "What is it?" until you finish rolling in it.
Francesco Marciuliano
Neither knew it at the time, but a line had been crossed that could not be uncrossed- a running leap over a chasm of ignorance and misunderstanding between species and worlds...and a baby step taken into life's endless possibilities for wonder and joy and surprise that could no more be reversed than one's first taste of chocolate.A dog kiss.
Berkeley Breathed
Dogs have more love than integrity. They've been true to us, yes, but they haven't been true to themselves.
Clarence Day Jr.
Maybe the best things are those that take the most work, you know? Maybe how you get somewhere can be at least as important as where you're going.
Ryan North
To Americans, either/or means both.
Brian Spellman
Stephanie had been raped, beaten and left for dead on the Atlantic City Boardwalk several times. You'd think she would have hit rock bottom after those experiences. But no. None of that made her quit. It just made her want to use even more drugs, to forget her miserable life. As long as she could get high, she didn't care if she was being raped in a dark alley. At this point in her life, a lethal overdose probably would have felt like her salvation.
Oliver Markus
Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope.
Gilbert Shelton as Freewheelin' Franklin
C'mon, let's go in my room and abuse drugs and stuff!
Daniel Clowes
You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.
Jeff Kinney
The universe is probably littered with the one-planet graves of cultures which made the sensible economic decision that there's no good reason to go into space - each discovered, studied, and remembered by the ones who made the irrational decision.
Randall Munroe
Overwhelmed by life's complexity? Realize that our alphabet consists of only 26 letters, calculations are based on a set of 10 numbers, all variations in music are based on 7 musical notes, our DNA can be dissected into 4 letters and space on the Planck scale is probably made solely out of binary code
Martijn Budel
Rejoice, for bad things are about to happen.
Ryan Sohmer
Make it so good and so clear that it doesn't need any further explanation.
Shel Silverstein
I purposely used a pretty cocky, abrasive writing style in Sex and Crime, to stir up some drama. My confrontational style quickly became the talk of the scene. Some of the things I wrote were so inflammatory, people had to vent about it on online forums. So suddenly everyone in the scene was talking about Sex and Crime, just as I had hoped. I enjoyed playing the role of agitator, and people from competing hacking crews didn't even realize that the more they bitched about the things I wrote, the more credibility and notoriety they were adding to my scene mag. Thanks to all the positive as well as negative feedback I was getting, the things I wrote actually mattered. Suddenly I was the most important opinion maker in the scene.
Oliver Markus
It's no longer time to take sides for or against race, rather sides against those who still do.
Brian Spellman
I think you should know that real-life white people are not all as funny as the ones on 'Seinfeld'.
Aaron McGruder