Quotes by Cartoonists - Page 18

The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse
Bill Watterson
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
Scott Adams
Welcome to Hell. Here's your accordion.
Gary Larson
My beard grows down to my toes,I never wears no clothes,I wraps my hairAround my bare,And down the road I goes.
Shel Silverstein
[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.] Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Double word score" box! Hobbes: "ZQFMGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel! Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that! Hobbes: I'm looking it up. Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js! Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB? Calvin: 957.
Bill Watterson
Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat.
Bill Watterson
I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world.
Bill Watterson
I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building.
Charles M. Schulz
To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems
Matt Groening
I'm making a listI'm making a list of things I must sayFor politeness,And goodness and kindness and gentlenessSweetness and rightness:HelloPardon meHow are you?Excuse meBless youMay I?Thank youGoodbyeIf you know some that I've forgot,Please stick them in you eye!
Shel Silverstein
If you can't win by reason, go for volume.
Bill Watterson
Hobbes: Jump! Jump! Jump! I win! Calvin: You win? Aaugghh! You won last time! I hate it when you win! Aarrggh! Mff! Gnnk! I hate this game! I hate the whole world! Aghhh! What a stupid game! You must have cheated! You must have used some sneaky, underhanded mindmeld to make me lose! I hate you! I didn't want to play this idiotic game in the first place! I knew you'd cheat! I knew you'd win! Oh! Oh! Aarg! [Calvin runs in circles around Hobbes screaming "Aaaaaaaaaaaa", then falls over.] Hobbes: Look, it's just a game. Calvin: I know! You should see me when I lose in real life!
Bill Watterson
Calvin: Why are you crying mom?Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.
Bill Watterson
True storyThis morning I jumped on my horseAnd went for a ride,And some wild outlaws chased meAnd shot me in the side.So I crawled into a wildcats caveTo find a place to hideBut some pirates found me sleeping thereAnd soon they had me tiedTo a pole and built a fireUnder me---I almost criedTill a mermaid came and cut me looseAnd begged to be my brideSo I said id come back WednesdayBut I must admit I lied.Then I ran into a jungle swampBut I forgot my guide And I stepped into some quicksandAnd no matter how hard I triedI couldn’t get out, until I metA watersnake named ClydeWho pulled me to some cannibalsWho planned to have me friedBut an eagle came and swooped me upAnd through the air we fliedBut he dropped me in a boiling lakeA thousand miles wideAnd you’ll never guess what I did then---I DIED
Shel Silverstein
From now on, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do! The world owes me happiness, fulfillment and success.... I'm just here to cash in.
Bill Watterson
Now what state do you live in?''Denial.
Bill Watterson
Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto
Scott Adams
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
Charles M. Schulz
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.
Scott Adams
The baby batScreamed out in fright,'Turn on the dark,I'm afraid of the light.
Shel Silverstein
Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?
Bill Watterson
why can't you see i'm a kid', said the kid.Why try to make me like you?Why are you hurt when I don't cuddle?Why do you sigh when I splash through a puddle?Why do you scream when I do what I did?Im a kid.
Shel Silverstein
Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Why me?", then a voice answers "Nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.
Charles M. Schulz
The world isn't fair, Calvin.""I know Dad, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
Bill Watterson
You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.
Scott Adams
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.
Ashleigh Brilliant
I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
Bill Watterson
You can drag my body to school but my spirit refuses to go.
Bill Watterson
I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
Bill Watterson
That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse.
Bill Watterson
Learn from yesterday, live for today, look to tomorrow, rest this afternoon.
Charles M. Schulz
Just remember, when you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
Charles M. Schulz
Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?
Bill Watterson
Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
Bill Watterson
I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.
Bill Watterson
I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.
Bill Watterson
I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley,
Jeff Kinney
I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells.
Dr. Seuss
It has often been saidthere’s so much to be read,you never can cramall those words in your head.So the writer who breedsmore words than he needsis making a chorefor the reader who reads.That's why my belief isthe briefer the brief is,the greater the sighof the reader's relief is.And that's why your bookshave such power and strength.You publish with shorth!(Shorth is better than length.)
Dr. Seuss
Try not to have a good time...this is supposed to be educational.
Charles M. Schulz
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?
Bill Watterson
We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.
Bill Watterson
As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
Bill Watterson
In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
Bill Watterson
Look at me!Look at me!Look at me NOW!It is fun to have funBut you have to know how.
Dr. Seuss
When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles......they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle.
Dr. Seuss
The Little Boy and the Old ManSaid the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."Said the old man, "I do that too."The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."I do that too," laughed the little old man.Said the little boy, "I often cry."The old man nodded, "So do I."But worst of all," said the boy, "it seemsGrown-ups don't pay attention to me."And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.I know what you mean," said the little old man.
Shel Silverstein
I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me.
Matt Groening
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
Dr. Seuss
Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.
Bill Watterson
Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.
Dr. Seuss
Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!
Dr. Seuss
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Charles M. Schulz
Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.
Dr. Seuss
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Charles M. Schulz
I liked things better when I didn't understand them.
Bill Watterson
If I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself.
Charles M. Schulz
Congratulations!Today is your day.You're off to Great Places!You're off and away!
Dr. Seuss
If you want to catch beasts you don't see every day,You have to go places quite out of the way,You have to go places no others can get to.You have to get cold and you have too get wet, too.
Dr. Seuss
If you are a dreamer come in
Shel Silverstein