Quotes by Cartoonists - Page 15

Society doesn't officially recognize friendship as an institution in the way it recognizes sexual relationships, so there's no real protocol for ending one. If you've been going out, dating, or just sleeping with someone for even a month or two an you want to stop seeing him, you're expected to have a conversation with him letting him know it and giving him some bogus explanation. This conversation is seldom pleasant, and it ranges in tone from brittle adult adult discussions in coffee shops to armed standoffs in day care centers, but once it's over, you at least know your status.Because there's no formal etiquette for ending a friendship, most people do it in the laziest, most passive and painless way possible, by unilaterally dropping any effort to sustain it and letting the other person figure it out for themselves.
Tim Kreider
When you're a child, your best friend in the world is the kid who lives next door. It doesn't occur to you then that this is a matter of arbitrary circumstance. When you grow up you like to imagine that your friendships have a more substantial basis - common interests, like-mindedness, some genuine affinity. It's always a sad revelation that when a good friend acquires a girlfriend or a husband and disappears. You realize that,for them, your friendships was always only a matter of convenience, a fallback, and they simply don't need you anymore. There's nothing especially cynical about this; people are drawn to each other because they're giving each other something they both need, and they drift apart when they aren't getting it or don't need it anymore. Friendship have natural life spans, like love affairs or favorite songs.
Tim Kreider
Never use naughtiness in mixed company, unless your witticism is so funny that your audience will shoot tears of happiness out of their eyes with a velocity sufficient to powerwash a small bus. Any joke that falls short of that standard will make you lose respect in the eyes of everyone except your best friends, who, as you know, lost respect for you long ago.
Scott Adams
It's one thing to have a divinely inspired love given to you to experience and share; it's something else altogether to recognize it when it appears. Our job is to go on being humbled and grateful that we should get to experience such a thing in our lifetimes, and preserve its magic by doing the most responsible thing possible to keep it alive . . . Just keep saying yes.
Mark Fiore
Maybe I'm just sick of putting more into this friendship than I get out of it.
Daniel Clowes
I don't want a new purpose. I want what's mine. I want my birthright.
Faith Erin Hicks
Sometimes when I felt the eyes crawling on me from all sides, I got scared thinking someone was looking who wasn’t just curious. I knew it was my imagination and I got used to it, learned to shunt it away. But sometimes I held onto it quietly, that feeling that someone behind or beside me in the crowd – some guy leaning on the target booth with a rifle, or some cranky sweating father spending too much on ride tickets to keep his kids away from him – anybody could be looking at me in the sidelong way that norms use to look at freaks, but thinking of me twitching and biting at the dirt while my guts spilled out of the big escape hatch he’d cut for them… a feeling like that is special. Sometimes you hold onto it quietly for a while.
Katherine Dunn
She had blue skin,And so did he.He kept it hidAnd so did she.They searched for blueTheir whole life through,Then passed right by-And never knew.
Shel Silverstein
Writing is nature's way of letting you know how sloppy your thinking is.
Richard Guindon
There is a place for what my heart tells me about you, and there is no shame or guilt in it. God Himself is free to look in my heart right this instant and I know He would not shame or admonish me about what He would see there because the pure, ego-less truth of how I hold you in my heart deserves to be kept alive.
Mark Fiore
I'd rather be single, happy, and lonely sometimes than married, lonely, and happy sometimes.
Mark Fiore
God help us to live slowly:To move simply:To look softly:To allow emptiness:To let the heart create for us.Amen.
Michael Leunig
Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book.
Kin Hubbard
Some of us find our lives abridged even before the paperback comes out.
Berkeley Breathed
Fill your house with stacks of books, in all the crannies and all the nooks.
Dr. Seuss
Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.
Bill Watterson
Be awesome! Be a book nut!
Dr. Seuss
The VoiceThere is a voice inside of youThat whispers all day long,"I feel this is right for me,I know that this is wrong."No teacher, preacher, parent, friendOr wise man can decideWhat's right for you--just listen toThe voice that speaks inside.
Shel Silverstein
Scientists need to invent a way to make DNA work like in cartoons.
Ryan North
So Yoda sounds like our best bet as an energy source. But with world electricity consumption pushing 2 terawatts, it would take a hundred million Yodas to meet our demands. All things considered, switching to Yoda power probably isn't worth the trouble — though it would definitely be green.
Randall Munroe
That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.
Bill Watterson
You can't hold someone whoWants to leaveYou can't clutch a memoryAs if it were todayYou can't take an insultClose to heartYou can't grasp for gloryFrom your chairYou can't seize lifeThinking only of lossAnd you can't grab a laser pointer dotOn the wallNo matter how much you tryThese hard-earned truths I give to you
Francesco Marciuliano
The leaf twirls gentlyTo the dry groundThe flake tumbles lightlyTo the snow moundThe lightning falls mightilyTo the earth with a crashAnd I plummet sleepilyFrom the fridge to the trash.Such is nature's way
Francesco Marciuliano
I am intelligent I am attractiveI am powerfulI am proactiveI am healthI am strengthI am stealthI am surrounded by loveI am a beacon of hopeI-- HORKFLAKGLORKSPUKE....That was a hairballAnd I am a catAnd what just happenedI am fine with that
Francesco Marciuliano
I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin
Bill Watterson
Larry’s such a liar---He tells outrageous lies.He says he’s ninety-nine years oldInstead of only five.He says he lives up on the moon,He says that he once flew.He says he’s really six feet fourInstead of three feet two.He says he has a billion dollars‘Stead of just a dime.He says he rode a dinosaurBack in some distant time.He says his mother is the moonWho taught him magic spells.He says his father is the windThat rings the morning bells.He says he can take stones and rocksAnd turn them into gold.He says he can take burnin’ fireAnd turn it freezin’ cold.He said he’d send me seven elvesTo help me with my chores.But Larry’s such a liar---He only sent me four.
Shel Silverstein
Jon: Our only thought is to entertain you!Garfield: Feed me.
Jim Davis
...which, of course, is how I developed my love for both Kabuki theater and marshmallow Peeps.
Jimmy Gownley
It may be prodigious, but it's all Greek to me!
Hergé
Everybody just lets the media do their thinking for them... that's why you'll never hear any reggae on the radio!
Daniel Clowes
I don't know where my ideas come from. I will admit, however, that one key ingredient is caffeine. I get a couple cups of coffee into me and weird things just start to happen.
Gary Larson
According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Ashleigh Brilliant
Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!
Hergé
This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.
Charles M. Schulz
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
Cathy Guisewite
I cannot go to school today"Said little Peggy Ann McKay."I have the measles and the mumps,A gash, a rash and purple bumps.My mouth is wet, my throat is dry.I'm going blind in my right eye.My tonsils are as big as rocks,I've counted sixteen chicken pox.And there's one more - that's seventeen,And don't you think my face looks green?My leg is cut, my eyes are blue,It might be the instamatic flu.I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,I'm sure that my left leg is broke.My hip hurts when I move my chin,My belly button's caving in.My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,My 'pendix pains each time it rains.My toes are cold, my toes are numb,I have a sliver in my thumb.My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,I hardly whisper when I speak.My tongue is filling up my mouth,I think my hair is falling out.My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,My temperature is one-o-eight.My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,There's a hole inside my ear.I have a hangnail, and my heart is ...What? What's that? What's that you say?You say today is .............. Saturday?G'bye, I'm going out to play!
Shel Silverstein
Scientists need to invent a way to make DNA work like in cartoons.
Ryan North
So Yoda sounds like our best bet as an energy source. But with world electricity consumption pushing 2 terawatts, it would take a hundred million Yodas to meet our demands. All things considered, switching to Yoda power probably isn't worth the trouble — though it would definitely be green.
Randall Munroe
That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder.
Bill Watterson
You can't hold someone whoWants to leaveYou can't clutch a memoryAs if it were todayYou can't take an insultClose to heartYou can't grasp for gloryFrom your chairYou can't seize lifeThinking only of lossAnd you can't grab a laser pointer dotOn the wallNo matter how much you tryThese hard-earned truths I give to you
Francesco Marciuliano
The leaf twirls gentlyTo the dry groundThe flake tumbles lightlyTo the snow moundThe lightning falls mightilyTo the earth with a crashAnd I plummet sleepilyFrom the fridge to the trash.Such is nature's way
Francesco Marciuliano
I am intelligent I am attractiveI am powerfulI am proactiveI am healthI am strengthI am stealthI am surrounded by loveI am a beacon of hopeI-- HORKFLAKGLORKSPUKE....That was a hairballAnd I am a catAnd what just happenedI am fine with that
Francesco Marciuliano
I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin
Bill Watterson
Larry’s such a liar---He tells outrageous lies.He says he’s ninety-nine years oldInstead of only five.He says he lives up on the moon,He says that he once flew.He says he’s really six feet fourInstead of three feet two.He says he has a billion dollars‘Stead of just a dime.He says he rode a dinosaurBack in some distant time.He says his mother is the moonWho taught him magic spells.He says his father is the windThat rings the morning bells.He says he can take stones and rocksAnd turn them into gold.He says he can take burnin’ fireAnd turn it freezin’ cold.He said he’d send me seven elvesTo help me with my chores.But Larry’s such a liar---He only sent me four.
Shel Silverstein
Jon: Our only thought is to entertain you!Garfield: Feed me.
Jim Davis
...which, of course, is how I developed my love for both Kabuki theater and marshmallow Peeps.
Jimmy Gownley
It may be prodigious, but it's all Greek to me!
Hergé
Everybody just lets the media do their thinking for them... that's why you'll never hear any reggae on the radio!
Daniel Clowes
I don't know where my ideas come from. I will admit, however, that one key ingredient is caffeine. I get a couple cups of coffee into me and weird things just start to happen.
Gary Larson
According to the latest official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
Ashleigh Brilliant
Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!
Hergé
This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.
Charles M. Schulz
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
Cathy Guisewite
I cannot go to school today"Said little Peggy Ann McKay."I have the measles and the mumps,A gash, a rash and purple bumps.My mouth is wet, my throat is dry.I'm going blind in my right eye.My tonsils are as big as rocks,I've counted sixteen chicken pox.And there's one more - that's seventeen,And don't you think my face looks green?My leg is cut, my eyes are blue,It might be the instamatic flu.I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,I'm sure that my left leg is broke.My hip hurts when I move my chin,My belly button's caving in.My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,My 'pendix pains each time it rains.My toes are cold, my toes are numb,I have a sliver in my thumb.My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,I hardly whisper when I speak.My tongue is filling up my mouth,I think my hair is falling out.My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,My temperature is one-o-eight.My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,There's a hole inside my ear.I have a hangnail, and my heart is ...What? What's that? What's that you say?You say today is .............. Saturday?G'bye, I'm going out to play!
Shel Silverstein
It's weird how I am constantly surprised by the passage of time when it's literally the most predictable thing in the Universe.
Randall Munroe
Time is for dragonflies and angels. The former live too little and the latter live too long.
James Thurber
How did it get so late so soon? It's night before it's afternoon. December is here before it's June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?
Dr. Seuss
There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
Bill Watterson
Your greatest accomplishments, no matter how impressive you think them to be, are some else's worst nightmare. Your most prized possession is another man's disgusting chunk of trash. Be careful what you brag about.
Jessica Hagy
It's not about what it is, but about what it can become.
Dr. Seuss