Quotes by Authors - Page 5062

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
Woody Allen
Two hundred Romans, and no one’s got a pen? Never mind!" He slung his M16 onto his back and pulled out a hand grenade. There were many screaming Romans. Then the hand grenade morphed into a ballpoint pen, and Mars began to write. Frank looked at Percy with wide eyes. He mouthed: Can your sword do grenade form?Percy mouthed back, No. Shut up.
Rick Riordan
It unscrews the other way.
J.K. Rowling
It's okay," I said soothingly. "You're just getting your stride back. Once you're up to full power, I'll go crack a rib or something so we can test it."She groaned. "The horrible part is that I don't think you're joking.
Richelle Mead
We were not a hugging people. In terms of emotional comfort it was our belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made cocktail.
David Sedaris
You could start a fire with the heat between you two.""You're mistaking bitter animosity for heartfelt affection.
Michelle Hodkin
What are you grinning at?" Katsa demanded for the third or fourth time. "Is the ceiling about to cave in on my head or something? You look like we're both on the verge of an enormous joke.""Katsa, only you would consider the collapse of the ceiling a good joke.
Kristin Cashore
Shouldn't someone give a pep talk or something?" Minho asked, pulling Thomas's attention away from Alby."Go ahead," Newt replied.Minho nodded and faced the crowd. "Be careful," he said dryly. "Don't die.
James Dashner
Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.
George Carlin
So why in the name of Merlin’s saggy left —”“Don’t talk to your mother like that.
J.K. Rowling
Elend: I kind of lost track of time…Breeze: For two hours?Elend: There were books involved.
Brandon Sanderson
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason
Jerry Seinfeld
Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.
Terry Pratchett
Bravo," said Grimalkin, peering down from Cold Tom's chest. "The Winter prince and Oberon's jester agreeing on something. The world must be ending.
Julie Kagawa
I said hello to the poodle.
Rick Riordan
Reading good books ruins you for enjoying bad books.
Mary Ann Shaffer
Life seems but a quick succession of busy nothings.
Jane Austen
I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.
Flannery O'Connor
I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows- slow, dumb, and bright red.
Rick Riordan
Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.
Winston S. Churchill
There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
Chelsea Handler
Great, tell me when you've defeated Voldemort for me, will you?
J.K. Rowling
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
Steve Martin
I turned to Dionysus. "You cured him?""Madness is my specialty. It was quite simple.""But...you did something nice. Why?"He raised and eyebrow. "I am nice! I simple ooze niceness, Perry Johansson. Haven't you noticed?
Rick Riordan
If I'm walking on thin ice, I might as well dance my way across.
Mercedes Lackey
I know that David Tennant's Hamlet isn't till July. And lots of people are going to be doing Dr Who in Hamlet jokes, so this is just me getting it out of the way early, to avoid the rush..."To be, or not to be, that is the question. Weeelll.... More of A question really. Not THE question. Because, well, I mean, there are billions and billions of questions out there, and well, when I say billions, I mean, when you add in the answers, not just the questions, weeelll, you're looking at numbers that are positively astronomical and... for that matter the other question is what you lot are doing on this planet in the first place, and er, did anyone try just pushing this little red button?
Neil Gaiman
Max, you're the last of the hybrids who still has...a soul.' ... 'She doesn't have soul,' Gazzy scoffed. 'Have you ever seen her dance?
James Patterson
Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt
Darynda Jones
You should try not to talk so much, friend. You'll sound far less stupid that way.- Breeze
Brandon Sanderson
Jeez, Hazel," Percy said, "tell your horse to watch his language."Hazel tried not to laugh. "What did he say?""With the cussing removed? He said he can get us to the top."Frank looked incredulous. "I thought the horse couldn't fly!"This time Arion whinnied so angrily, even Hazel could guess he was cursing."Dude," Percy told the horse, "I've gotten suspended for saying less than that...
Rick Riordan
Soap?""School of America in Paris" he explains. "SOAP".Nice. My father sent me here to be cleansed.
Stephanie Perkins
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
George Carlin
Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.
Mark Twain
This is Annabeth,” Jason said. “Uh, normally she doesn't judo-flip people.
Rick Riordan
What's that?" he snarled, staring at the envelope Harry was still clutching in his hand. "If it's another form for me to sign, you've got another -""It's not," said Harry cheerfully. "It's a letter from my godfather.""Godfather?" sputtered Uncle Vernon. "You haven't got a godfather!""Yes, I have," said Harry brightly. "He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with my news...check if I'm happy....
J.K. Rowling
If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away.
Eoin Colfer
Poirot," I said. "I have been thinking.""An admirable exercise my friend. Continue it.
Agatha Christie
For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is "Never break into someone else's house.' The moral of 'Snow White' is 'Never eat apples.' The moral of World War I is 'Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.
Lemony Snicket
A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.
Lemony Snicket
I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.
George Carlin
Look, if you wanted to be babied you should have asked Peeta.
Suzanne Collins
Before I could figure out how to apologize for being such an idiot, she tackled me with a hug, then pulled away just as quickly. "I'm glad you're not a guinea pig.""Me, too." I hoped my face wasn't as red as it felt.
Rick Riordan
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?
Bill Watterson
The idea of being strong for someone else having never entered their heads, I find myself in the position of having to console them. Since I'm the person going in to be slaughtered, this is somewhat annoying.
Suzanne Collins
No. Now, shut up and eat your pears.
Suzanne Collins
By all means continue destroying my possessions. I daresay I have too many.
J.K. Rowling
He turned to Frank who was trying to pull his fingers out of the Chinese handcuffs…“Okay,” Frank relented. “Sure.” He frowned at his fingers, trying to pull them out of the trap. “Uh, how do you—”Leo chuckled. “Man, you’ve never seen those before? There’s a simple trick to getting out.”Frank tugged again with no luck. Even Hazel was trying not to laugh.Frank grimaced with concentration. Suddenly, he disappeared. On the deck where he’d been standing, a green iguana crouched next to an empty set of Chinese handcuffs.“Well done, Frank Zhang,” Leo said dryly, doing his impression of Chiron the centaur. “That is exactly how people beat Chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas.
Rick Riordan
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain
What happened to your tan?"--Fang"It was dirt." --Max
James Patterson
Rabbit's clever," said Pooh thoughtfully."Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit's clever.""And he has Brain.""Yes," said Piglet, "Rabbit has Brain."There was a long silence."I suppose," said Pooh, "that that's why he never understands anything.
A.A. Milne
If you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison' it is certain to disagree with you sooner or later.
Lewis Carroll
We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.
Bill Watterson
I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.
Woody Allen
How're we getting to King's Cross tomorrow, Dad?" asked Fred as they dug into a sumptuous pudding."The Ministry's providing a couple of cars," said Mr. Weasley.Everyone looked up at him."Why?" said Percy curiously."It's because of you, Perce," said George seriously. "And there'll be little flags on the hoods, with HB on them-""-for Humongous Bighead," said Fred.
J.K. Rowling
I'm calm," Rachel insisted. "Every time I'm around you, some monsters attack us. What's to be nervous about?""Look," I said. "I'm sorry about the band room. I hope they didn't kick you our or anything.""Nah. They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb.""Was it hard?" Annabeth asked.
Rick Riordan
Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT."Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them.
Terry Pratchett
Curran looked back at me. "Why is it you always attract creeps?""You tell me." Ha! Walked right into that one, yes, he did.
Ilona Andrews
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.
Douglas Adams
He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower.
Terry Pratchett