Quotes by Authors - Page 5060

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
Carl Sagan
I'm right and you're wrong, I'm big and you're small, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Roald Dahl
In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
George Carlin
Leo couldn't help smiling. "That could be fun.""Fun" she said unhappily."Blue elephants.""Blue elephants.""Kiss me you fool.""You fool.
Rick Riordan
Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.
Greg Behrendt
I think hiccup cures were really invented for the amusement of the patient's friends.
Bill Watterson
It’s sarcasm, Josh.”“Sarcasm?”“It’s from the Greek, sarkasmos. To bite the lips. It means that you aren’t really saying what you mean, but people will get your point. I invented it, Bartholomew named it.”“Well, if the village idiot named it, I’m sure it’s a good thing.”“There you go, you got it.”“Got what?”“Sarcasm.”“No, I meant it.”“Sure you did.”“Is that sarcasm?”“Irony, I think.”“What’s the difference?”“I haven’t the slightest idea.”“So you’re being ironic now, right?”“No, I really don’t know.”“Maybe you should ask the idiot.”“Now you’ve got it.”“What?”“Sarcasm.
Christopher Moore
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
Jon Stewart
We are not going to die." Butters stared up at me, pale, his eyes terrified. "We're not?" "No. And do you know why?" He shook his head. "Because Thomas is too pretty to die. And because I'm too stubborn to die." I hauled on the shirt even harder. "And most of all because tomorrow is Oktoberfest, Butters, and polka will never die.
Jim Butcher
Although I was able to maintain a pleasant expression, I was mentally throwing up in her face.
Augusten Burroughs
He f**ks even better than he looks”, I settled on saying. Several heads turned. I didn’t care; I was pissed. “And that beautiful face is going to be clamped between my legs as soon as we get home, don’t you worry.
Jeaniene Frost
Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation.
Lemony Snicket
What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.
Douglas Adams
Is there any point asking what you're going to make me do on Sunday?''Not really.'Okay. 'Is there any point asking what you're going to do to me?'He grinned wickedly. 'Not really.'Fabulous. 'Does it involve the use of a safe word?''That will depend entirely on you.' Noah moved impossibly closer, just inches away. A few freckles disappeared into the scruff on his jaw. 'I'll be gentle,' Noah added. My breath caught in my throat as he looked at me from beneath those lashes, ruining me.I narrowed my eyes at him. 'You're evil.'In response, Noah smiled, and raised his finger to gently tap the tip of my nose. 'And you're mine,' he said, then walked away.
Michelle Hodkin
Run first,' Shane said. 'Mourn later.'It was the perfect motto for Morganville.
Rachel Caine
I wasn't fooled. He was avoiding looking at me. "There's nothing to talk about.""I knew you'd say that. Actually, it was a toss-up between that and 'I don't know what you're talking about.'"Dimitri sighed.
Richelle Mead
Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking.
Rachel Caine
You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.
Jon Stewart
So I hear we get to go to town this weekend. Want to catch a movie or something?--ZP.S. That is, if Jimmy doesn't mind.Translation: This weekend might be a good chance for us to see each other outside our school in a social environment, free of competetiton. I do not view other boys as threats, and I enjoy making them seem insignificant by calling them the wrong names. (Translation by Macey McHenry)
Ally Carter
You were wrong. She really is the new general in town."I smiled back, hoping he wasn't aware of my body's reaction to us standing so close. "Maybe. But, it's okay. You can still be colonel."He arched an eyebrow. "Oh? Did you demote yourself? Colonel's right below general. What's that make you?"I reached into my pocket and triumphantly flashed the CR-V keys I'd swiped when we'd come back inside. "The driver," I said.
Richelle Mead
If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the "Fuck you" signs in the world. It's impossible.
J.D. Salinger
I'm going to talk to her.""And how's that going to go? You're just going to walk up to her and say, 'Hey, I know you've never seen me before, but I'm your dad. Oh, and guess what? You've won the evolutionary lottery: You're a vampire. Let's go to Disneyland!
J.R. Ward
It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
P.G. Wodehouse
Awww," Minho said. "That's almost as sweet as that time she slammed the end of a spear into your shuck face.
James Dashner
Do you mean ter tell me," he growled at the Dursleys, "that this boy—this boy!—knows nothin' abou'—about ANYTHING?"Harry thought this was going a bit far. He had been to school, after all, and his marks weren't bad."I know some things," he said. "I can, you know, do math and stuff.
J.K. Rowling
Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Mark Twain
It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what.", The Guardian, 5 June 2005]
Stephen Fry
I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons." - Greg Heffley,
Jeff Kinney
I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.
Bill Watterson
Anybody who has survived his childhood has enough information about life to last him the rest of his days.
Flannery O'Connor
If you aren't cute, you may as well be clever.
David Sedaris
A good night sleep, or a ten minute bawl, or a pint of chocolate ice cream, or all three together, is good medicine.
Ray Bradbury
I look up to say something but he puts his finger to my lips and whispers, “Don’t talk. You’ll just spoil my fantasy of rescuing an innocent damsel in distress as soon as you open your mouth.
Susan Ee
How do I know you'll keep your word?" asked Coraline."I swear it," said the other mother. "I swear it on my own mother's grave.""Does she have a grave?" asked Coraline."Oh yes," said the other mother. "I put her in there myself. And when I found her trying to crawl out, I put her back.
Neil Gaiman
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
Dorothy Parker
The Death Eaters can't all be pure-blood, there aren't enough pure-blood wizards left," said Hermione stubbornly. "I expect most of them are half-bloods pretending to be pure. It's only Muggle-borns they hate, they'd be quite happy to let you and Ron join up" "There is no way they'd let me be a Death Eater!" said Ron indignantly...."My whole family are blood traitors! That's as bad as Muggle-borns to Death Eaters!" "And they'd love to have me," said Harry sarcastically. "We'd be best pals if they didn't keep trying to do me in.
J.K. Rowling
Fine! I'll throw on some clothes. Turn around. I'm in my pj's""I'm a guy. That's like asking a kid not to glance at the candy counter.
Becca Fitzpatrick
Boys. I'd turn gay if they weren't so sexy.
Rachel Caine
It doesn't matter if they hate you, or embarrass you, or simply don't appreciate your genius for inventing the internet-""You invented the internet?", Martha said., George said."It was my idea!" Hermes said. "I mean the internet, not the rats. But that's not the point.
Rick Riordan
If something is going to happen to me, I want to be there.
Albert Camus
I didn't know that idiocy caused people to just start spontaneously bleeding from the nose.
Veronica Roth
Aziraphale collected books. If he were totally honest with himself he would have to have admitted that his bookshop was simply somewhere to store them. He was not unusual in this. In order to maintain his cover as a typical second-hand book seller, he used every means short of actual physical violence to prevent customers from making a purchase. Unpleasant damp smells, glowering looks, erratic opening hours - he was incredibly good at it.
Terry Pratchett
If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.
Stephen Colbert
Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively.
Jon Stewart
I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.
Rita Rudner
Being a detective isn't all about torture and murder and monsters. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant...The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives.
Derek Landy
Everybody going to be dead one day, just give them time.
Neil Gaiman
Do you think it's possible for an entire nation to be insane?
Terry Pratchett
I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards.
Rudyard Kipling
They're book addicts.
Lemony Snicket
Once I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "No good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Then you remember the dream,” Mencheres stated. “That bodes ill.” The fear of that made my reply snappy. “Hey, Walks Like An Egyptian, how about for once you drop the formal stuff and talk like you live in the twenty-first century?” The shit’s gonna splatter, start buggin’, yo,” Mencheres responded instantly. I stared at him, then burst out laughing, which was highly inappropriate considering the very grave warning he’d just conveyed.
Jeaniene Frost
In life you'll meet a lot of jerks. If they hurt you, tell yourself that it's because they're stupid. That will help keep you from reacting to their cruelty. Because there is nothing worse than bitterness and vengeance... Always keep your dignity and be true to yourself.
Marjane Satrapi
Think, think, think.
A.A. Milne
Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We’re supposed to be exercising.
Meg Cabot
As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.
Henry David Thoreau
We have to be back in three hours," Ronan said. "I just fed Chainsaw but she'll need it again.""This," Gansey replied "is precisely why I didn't want to have a baby with you.
Maggie Stiefvater
The biggest challenge after success is shutting up about it.
Criss Jami
Now, Max, I think we both know your parents aren't missionaries."I opened my eyes wide. "No? Well, for God's sake, don't tell them. They'd be crushed. Thinking they're doing the Lord's work and all.
James Patterson